Ceo Needs Underling Comic Strips - Page 8

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View 71 - 80 results for ceo needs underling comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo Needs Underling" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget for a poor job, #build software, #business ethics, #cheap or smart, #executives, #poor job, #return on investment, #selling upogardes

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Dilbert says, "If we build our software with no bugs, we can make a 10% return on our investment." Dilbert says, "But if we do a poor job, we can make a 40% return by selling upgrades and service." Dilbert says, "But don't worry. We only have the budget for a poor job." CEO says, "I can't remember if we're cheap or smart." Boss says, "Phew!"

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #media, #take pledge, #give fortune to charity, #billionaires, #200 million, #leave to heir, #semi relayed, #monkey dna, #clones test tube, #Entertainment

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CEO MONKEY: The media is asking if you'll take the pledge to give your fortune to charity. CEO: That pledge is for billionaires! I only have $200 million to leave to my heir! On a semi-relayted notem find out who keep putting monkey DNA in my clones test tube.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #apathy, #executives, #work ethic, #enginner, #no budget, #emailed, #ceo, #social network, #global supply chain

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Dilbert: So... you emailed our CEO and asked for funds to build a social network for our global supply chain. Dilbert: No one wants that, But it sounds good, so he moved all of our project funding to your dumb idea. and...you will produce nothing, Wally: said the engineer with no budget.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business panics, #worry, #hackers, #firewall, #escape pod, #firwall

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Boss: Hackers got through our firewall. CEO: Launch escape pod! Two questions: What is a firewall? And who designed my escape pod?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #absurdly complicated, #financial model, #absenteeism, #error, #excel sheet, #stock holders, #poison cafeteria

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CEO: according to your absurdly complicated finical model, we can double revenue by increasing absenteeism. To be fair, there might be an error or two in the excel spreadsheet. CEO: Maybe , but I think I owe it to our stockholders to poison the cafeteria just to be sure,

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #direction, #managers, #increase clairty, #whining

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CEO: employees keep whining that we don't have a clear direction. So Ive doubled the number of managers one each group to increase the clarity. The Boss: I thought we were doubling the direction. No, we're doubling the clarity.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #embarrassment, #walkways, #minute, #meeting, #walk and talk, #barely concentrate, #prove underling wrong, #business

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Dilbert: Do you have a minute? Boss: I'm on my way to a meeting. Follow me. We'll walk and talk. Dilbert: I don't see how this can possibly work. You can barely concentrate when you're sitting perfectly still. When you add the extra complexity of walking, it's like asking a squirrel to land a 747. Boss: Must... prove underling... wrong... Noise: BONK! Dilbert: I didn't know that being right could feel so good.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #business ethics, #career path, #warn you, #maximum career potential, #less embarrassing car, #ne wocmpany, #ceo, #huge nbonus, #conversation

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Dilbert: I'd like to talk about my career path. Boss: Are you sure? Dilbert: Um... yes. I'm sure. Boss: Don't say I didn't warn you. You're within 20% of your maximum career potential. Your future will be just like the present, except you'll be older and you might own a less-embarrassing car. If you go to a new company, you'll like it at first. But in time you'll realize every place is the same. Dilbert: Gaaa!! Take back the truth!1 Lie to me! Boss: Maybe someday our CEO will make such a huge bonus that he'll want to share some of it with you. Dilbert: I hate! Boss: Hey, I'm the guy who tried to spare you from this conversation.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #taxes, #sociopth, #victimless crime, #insider information, #hedge fund, #split profit, #tax people

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Dogbert: The great thing about being a sociopath is that everything feels like a victimless crime. If you give me some insider information for my hedge fund, I'll split the profit with you. Think of it as a tax on people you don't know. CEO: That's the best kind!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #commerce, #competition (psychology), #hate new product, #customers, #fake revenue projections, #engineer, #stronger company, #engineering

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Dilbert: If consumers hate our new product, we will probably go out of business. If they love our new product, a stronger company will enter the space and drive us out of business. CEO: Tell the engineer to stop making me sad. Boss: I have some fake revenue projections to cheer you up.