Curse At Work Comic Strips - Page 8
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Dilbert and three co-workers sit at a conference table. A man says, "I think it was fifty gigabits." Another man replies, "I think you mean MEGabits." They all laugh, snort and giggle. Dilbert says, "We're so fun-loving, you'd think ONE of us would have a friend outside of work."
Dilbert, Ted and a woman sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "Ted, can you explain number two?" Ted replies, "No. I'm on vacation." Ted explains, "I take my vacations in ten minute increments during regular work days. That way I can avoid assignments." Dilbert says, "Your ten minutes are up." Ted coughs and says, "Whoa, I'd better take some sick time."
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I quit drinking coffee. I don't like to be dependent on chemicals." Dogbert asks, "How's it feel?" Dilbert replies, "I felt a little slow getting ready for work, but you have to expect that on a Monday." Dogbert says, "It's Thursday."
Zimbu the Monkey sits at his desk working on the computer. Dilbert says, "It's time to end this charade, Zimbu!" Dilbert continues, "Your language skills are simple rote behavior. Monkeys are incapable of logic and reasoning." Dilbert looks at the computer screen and says, "Ha! And that program you're writing -- it's probably in 'Basic.'" Zimbu asks, "Do you ever work?"
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper. A voice says, "If you build it, they will come." Dilbert thinks, "A voice . . ." The voice repeats, "If you build it, they will come." Dilbert says, "Okay, but build what?" Dogbert hides behind Dilbert's chair. Dogbert says in the voice, "I'll have to get back to you . . . I didn't think this would work."
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and another employee, "From now on, all employees are empowered to make their own decisions." The Boss continues, "Empowerment is the concept of the nineties. You'll be happier and more productive." Wally says, "You're fired, Dilbert." Dilbert replies, "No, YOU are!" The woman says, "I'll never work hard again!"
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert asks, "Have you heard about the Idaho flu that's going around?" Dogbert continues, "At first you feel perfectly healthy . . . Then bam, you die." Dilbert pulls on his tie and says, "Hey, I feel perfectly healthy right now." Dogbert walks away thinking, "My work here is done."
A man holding a drink and wearing a robe and a wreath of leaves on his head says to Dilbert, "You look lost." Music plays in the background. Dilbert says, "I never knew that marketing was like this . . . Do you people do any work?" The man replies, "Well, not on 'Barbecue Tuesday.' Are you staying for lunch? It's unicorn!"
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman grabs her throat and says, "Mphf! Aack! Cough! Hmp! Gurgle!" As the woman slumps onto the table, Dilbert says, "If you're pretending to choke to death to end our date early, it won't work." The woman sits up and crosses her arms. Dilbert says, "Like I haven't seen that trick a jillion times."
Dilbert hands the Boss a report and says, "Here's my report. It's some of my best work." The Boss puts the report through a portable shredder that is hanging around his neck. Dilbert says, "I hate that porto-shredder." The Boss asks, "Say, is that a silk necktie?"