Dont Email Comic Strips - Page 8

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View 71 - 80 results for dont email comic strips. Discover the best "Dont Email" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #layer of management, #meeting disaster, #senior management, #warning the layer above, #dont mention problems

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Alice sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Don't mention any problems when you do your presentation to senior management, Alice." The Boss continues, "They might try to solve the problems during the meeting. That would be a disaster." Alice tells Dilbert, "As far as I can tell, every layer of management exists for the sole purpose of warning us about the layer above." Dilbert akss, "Are you saying they have a purpose?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #life insurance policy, #pay premiums, #collect insurance, #valuable, #company, #don't like cats, #business

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Catbert and Wally sit at a table. Catbert says, "The company has taken out a life insurance policy on you, Wally." Catbert continues, "We pay the premiums and we collect the insurance when you die." Wally looks at the policy and asks, "Is this because I'm so valuable to the company?" Catbert replies, "It's because we think you'll be more valuable dead." Wally says, "This is exactly why I don't like cats."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil, #executed, #hr driector, #ill be fired, #internet, #non buiness, #personal thoughts, #sadistic policies, #senseless, #warning, #mass email, #technology

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Catbert stands at his desk and types, "Any employee who uses the Internet for non-business purposes will be fired." Catbert types, "And any employee who sits in a company chair while having a personal thought will be executed by security." Catbert smiles and thinks, "The great thing about senseless, sadistic policies is that they don't require a lot of explanation."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #clone boss, #email message, #no knowledge, #perspective, #possible, #no experience

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Dilbert tells Wally, "Someday it will be possible to clone or boss." Wally replies, "But the clone would have no experience and no knowledge." The Boss tells them, "I just sent an e-mail message to Japan. I don't know the language so I took your advice and typed it all in caps." Dilbert says, "Wow. That put it all in perspective."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #article, #boss, #alice, #highlighted, #save time, #page numbers, #dont notice

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Alice stands at the entrance to her cubicle. The Boss offers her a piece of paper and says, "Alice, I found this article in a magazine." The Boss continues, "I highlighted the most important stuff to save you some time." Alice says, "You highlighted the page numbers." The Boss says, "It takes forever if you don't notice those."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accident, #ask questions, #bury survivors, #dont embarrass boss, #highly visible, #meetings, #put them in trunk, #promoted

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the couch. Dogbert says, "If you want to be promoted, you have to be highly visible." Dogbert says, "Ask questions at meetings. But make them easy so you don't embarrass your boss." Dilbert is in a meeting with Wally and the Boss. Dilbert says, "...So if there's an accident in a company car, where should we bury the survivors?" The Boss says, "I usually put them in the trunk."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #illogical scientist, #much smarter, #scientists, #invented things, #don't understand sceince

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. Behind him a guy with glasses and a mustache says, "Hi. I'm Dan the Illogical Scientist." Dan says, "I'm much smarter than you because scientists have invented many things." Dilbert says, "But those are other scientists, not you." Dan says, "Apparently you don't understand science."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #email chain letter, #will die, #curse of dogbert, #certain death, #curse, #turns into dogs

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Asok is sitting at his computer terminal and thinks, "Oh no! I got an e-mail chain letter. It says I'll die if I don't send it to ten more people." Asok thinks, "But if I forward the message, the Curse of Dogbert will be upon me." Asok looks like Dogbert, as do Alice and Wally (dog ears and dog nose). Asok says, "...So, I figured a curse is better than certain death, right?" Wally says, "Spank you very much." Alice puts her hands on her hips and looks angry.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alice, #Promotion, #dont know, #hired a strsnger, #out side of company, #the boss, #obstructs progress

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The Boss and Alice sitting at table. The Boss says, "Alice, I checked with the other managers; they don't know you well enough to promote you." The Boss continues, "So we've decided to hire someone from outside the company." Alice is stunned. As Alice exits the room, she says, "At least the other managers have heard my name now." The Boss replies, "I didn't use your real name."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #marketing dept, #brochures, #new prodcut, #dominate market, #sales, #don't make product, #business

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Bob hands Dilbert something and says, "The marketing department saves the day! Check out these brochures I made." Bob reports, "This new product will allow us to dominate the market!" Dilbert says, "But we don't make this product." Bob says, "That hasn't hurt our sales so far."