Fix The Bugs Comic Strips - Page 8

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #look stressed, #champion, #workplace, #stress no more, #unpaid overtime, #ignite hair, #pissed ouff, #angry, #taken advantage

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Caption: "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert remarks to Alice, "You look stressed out, Alice." Catbert says, "I could fix that by becoming a champion for improvements in the workplace." Catbert says, "Or I could give you a little booklet called 'Stress No More'." Catbert says, "Hmm.. I wonder which way is best." Alice reaches for booklet. Alice reads, "'Stress is your body's way of saying.." Alice continues, "'..You haven't worked enough unpaid overtime.'" Alice starts to get mad. Catbert says, "I've never seen a woman's forehead ignite her hair before."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #ignorant, #intranet collaboration, #sign it, #their ignorance, #tools, #dogbert consults, #business

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As a consultant, Dogbert says to the Boss "All of your employees are ignorant." Dobgert continues, "I can fix that by selling you intranet collaboration tools." The Boss says to Dgbert in an uneasy voice, "But if they're sharing their ignorance..." Dogbert thinks to himself, "Sign it, sign it, sign it..."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pay slip, #increased complexity, #won't know, #rip off, #clueless, #in the dark, #happy to be evil, #cheat, #evil catbert

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Catbert the Evil HR Director says to the staff, "We increased the complexity of your pay slip." Catbert yells, "Now you'll never know when we rip you off! Yeeha! Yeeha!" Dilbert says to Wally, "The only part that really bugs me is the yeehas."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #misaligned, #position code, #module, #problem, #anonymous note, #disappearing link

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Catbert is standing on a desk and talking to Dilbert. Catbert says, "We can't pay this week because your position code is misaligned with your module." Catbert continues, "Worse yet, no one knows what that means or whose responsibility it is to fix it." Dilbert says, "Who told you about the problem?" Catbert says, "It was an anonymous note with disappearing ink."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mud delivery business, #highly trained engineer, #business model, #deliver mud, #people live in mud

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Dilbert is packing his suitcase. He says to Dogbert, "I'm supposed to shut down our Elbonian mud delivery business." Dilbert continues, "But I'm a highly trained engineer so I will analyze their business model and fix it." Dogbert replies, "They deliver mud to people who live in mud." Dilbert says, "You have my attention."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dilebrt the sales guy, #mother, #overpirced, #hard to use, #spit, #packaging, #mom, #surprised, #mother and son, #Family

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Headline: Dilbert the Sales Guy. Dilbert's mom is holding his product. She says, "I wouldn't buy this @#!%!!& with YOUR money." Dilbert's mom continues, "It's overpriced, hard to use, full of bugs and it solves no problem." Dilbert's mom continues, "I spit on your packaging!" Dilbert responds, "Um.. Mom.."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #product is defective, #expect delivery, #quality s primary goal, #opposite of philosophy, #rich philosophers, #swiss bank

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Dilbert tells the Boss while handing him some documents: "My tests prove our product is defective." While the Boss is examining the documents, Dilbert says: "Customers expect delivery tomorrow." Handing the documents back to Dilbert, the Boss says: "Our corporate philosophy is 'Quality is our primary goal.'" Dilbert asks: "So... you want me to delay shipment until we fix the problems?" The Boss answers: "No." The Boss says: "I want you to ship now so we can book the revenue." Dilbert exclaims: "GAAA! That's the opposite of our corporate philosophy!!!" The Boss replies: "Now you know why there aren't any rich philosophers." Reclining on the couch at home with Dogbert, Dogbert tells Dilbert: "There used to be one, but he believed I was a Swiss bank."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #emailed, #breakdown, #format, #unspoken, #shining prefernces, #mpiness, #abyss

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The Boss: "I e-mailed you the expense breakdown. I need you to fix the format and send it out." Carol: "I will now read your mind to get the unspoken, ever-shifting preferences for the format." "I see nothing emptiness... the abyss..." The boss: "Add a chart."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #product awareness class, #hands on training, #next version

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The Boss: I signed you up for a product awareness class. Dilbert: GAAA!!! The Boss: They'll give you hands on training Man: we're hoping to fix this problem in the next version.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bowels of bureaucarzy, #payroll error, #crawling, #underground, #trolls, #bugs, #bones, #glaring, #hellish

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Asok: I don't like the looks of this. BUREACRACY ASOK: I only want to correct a small payroll error. Can you help me? Troll: does it help if I glare ar you for disturbing my lunch?