Key To Winning Comic Strips - Page 8
139 Results for Key To Winning
View 71 - 80 results for key to winning comic strips. Discover the best "Key To Winning" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share October 12, 1994's comic on:
"Dogbert the Futurist" Dogbert: "Someday, keyboards will be replaced by motion-sensing rings on your fingers..." "The computer screen will be projected into your glasses as a 3-D image." - These developments will not enhance the image of technical professionals." Dilbert: "Are you an engineer?" Moron: "I'm a moron. Common mistake."
Share April 10, 1995's comic on:
A co-worker shows Dilbert and Wally a keyboard. The co-worker says, "This ergonomic keyboard is our fist product developed under the 'Big Q' program." The man continues, "The 'Q' stands for quality." Dilbert says, "Speaking of Q . . . it's missing the letter Q." The man says angrily, "You sound just like our whiny customers." Dilbert says, I guess the 'Q' stands for 'uality.'"
Share April 15, 1995's comic on:
The Boss stands in front of a camera and Dogbert sits in a director's chair. Dogbert hands the Boss a script and says, "Stick to the script. Act sincere and beg your customers to forgive you." The Boss looks into the camera and reads, "It was wrong for us to sell keyboards with no 'Q.' We're sorry. We're morons." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the couch watching the Boss's television commercial. In the advertisement, the Boss says, "We're dumber than squirrels. We hear voices and do what they command. I have broccoli in my socks." Dilbert says, "Good writing." Dogbert responds, "Thanks."
Share August 28, 1995's comic on:
The Boss says to Tina who is seated at her computer, "Tina, you'll have to have all the documentation written by next week so we can ship it when the software is done." Tina says angrily, "How can I write instructions for something that doesn't exist yet?" The Boss answers, "You'll have to make logical guesses." Tina types on her computer, "If you press any key your computer will lock up. If you call our tech support we'll blame 'Microsoft.'"
Share November 22, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert watches as Wally sits in his chair and bends over to reach his keyboard on the floor. Wally says, "This new policy of keeping our keyboards on the floor is ridiculous!" Dilbert says, "The only possible explanation is to make us all stooped over so it's easier for management to kick our behinds! Ha ha ha!" Wally laughs. As the Boss peeks into Wally's cubicle, Dilbert looks shocked and says, "Wait a minute . . . That IS the only explanation." Wally says, "Cover me; I'm going to the printer."
Share August 10, 1996's comic on:
The Boss, Alice and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "You employees are the key to our economic success." The Boss explains, "Anytime we need a little stock-price boost, we just fire another batch of you. It's like printing money!" The Boss holds up a chart and says, "In fact, 'incompetence' has become our most profitable product." Alice says, "Wow. It beat out 'lying to customers.'"
Share August 21, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk and tells Dogbert, "I invented a new data encryption program called P.H.B. which stands for Pointy-Haired Boss." Dilbert explains, "It converts e-mail into manager babble. Nobody can intercept and decode my private messages without the key." Dogbert asks, "Who would want to read YOUR messages?" Dilbert says, "Somebody MIGHT want to read my messages. It could happen!" Dogbert says, "And maybe you should carry pepper spray in case supermodels try to kiss you."
Share September 06, 1996's comic on:
Dogbert stands on a chair with his paw poised over the keyboard. Dogbert thinks, "As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke." Dogbert presses a key and the employees all scream. Dogbert thinks, "It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws."
Share November 28, 1996's comic on:
Dogbert sits on a stool and Dilbert sits in a chair. Dogbert says, "This lesson in interpersonal skills involves listening to a stupid person without rolling your eyes." A man says, "My computer screen says, 'Press any key to continue.' Can I borrow your keys? Mine are locked in my Yugo." Dilbert covers his eyes and thinks, "Must focus . . . Must . . . Focus . . ." The man says, "I could break the driver's side window . . . But it's bad enough that the windshield is gone."
Share January 11, 1997's comic on:
Wally says to Dilbert, "Wish me luck. I'm off to get my performance review." Dilbert says, "Have you been napping? You've got a bad case of keyboard face." Wally has several indentations on his cheek. The Boss asks Wally, "What's wrong with your face?" Wally replies, "I have Qwertytis. It's from working too hard."