Market Segment Comic Strips - Page 8
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145 Results for Market Segment
View 71 - 80 results for market segment comic strips. Discover the best "Market Segment" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday March 12,
2020
Selling Private Data
Tags business, job, management, cloud, data, people, private, information, laugh, market, sell, email, friend
Transcript
dogbert: the only reason i took a job managing cloud data is so i could laugh at people's private information. dogbert: then i discovered a robust market for selling that kind of stuff, so it's a twofer. dilbert: we need to talk. dogbert: sure. just email your thoughts to a friend, and i'll probably read them.
Tuesday March 17,
2020
Hiring Morons
Tags managers & supervisors, technology, business, technical, job, market, hire, moron, critical
Transcript
boss: the job market is so hot right now that we can only afford to hire morons. dilbert: how will we fill our critical technical jobs? boss: i just told you.
Wednesday March 25,
2020
Hiring Morons And Ted
Tags business, managers & supervisors, labor, market, hire, moron, position, ted talk, video, smart
Transcript
boss: the labor market is so tight that i had to hire a moron just to fill a position. my plan is to make him watch ted talk videos until he smartens up. dilbert: how many will it take? boss: with any luck, fifteen to seventeen will get it done.
Thursday April 30,
2020
Ceo Has Pandemic Plan
Tags business, managers & supervisors, video conference, stock market, money, rich, lost, pandemic, health, underpay, stategy
Transcript
ceo on video conference: i used to be rich, but i lost it all in the stock market crash during the pandemic. luckily, i can make up the difference by working you idiots to death while underpaying you. video chat: we thought you didn't have a strategy. ceo: i just don't like to talk about it.
Wednesday March 03,
2021
Remote Workforce
Tags business, Lose, market share, remote, workforce, employees, micro management, shoulders, minute, coffee, company, baffle
Transcript
boss: we're losing market share to a company that has a remote workforce. dilbert: how can they be doing so well when the employees don't have someone like you looking over their shoulders every minute? boss: i know its baffling.
Friday August 12,
2011
Tags business ethics, stock market, hedge fund, million dollars, insider trading, algorithm, winning trades, create algorithm, eat fiber, money
Transcript
Dogbert: I'll pay you a million dollars a year to work at my hedge fund. I'll do the insider trading and you pretend you created an algorithm that makes winning trades. Dilbert: What if I actually create the algorithm? Dogbert: Sure, and maybe you can eat fiber and make gold, too.
Wednesday January 18,
2012
Tags clubs, meetings, rich people, tiny flying unicron, commodities, 1% club, imagination, Entertainment
Transcript
Wally: A tiny flying unicorn gave me this key. Guard: Grab a snout and a hat. We're just about to manipulate the commodities market. Wally: Is it my imagination or everything a little bit better here?
Wednesday March 14,
2012
Tags new product development, stock buy back, stock market, dream, using capitol, money
Transcript
CEO: I'm canceling all of our new product development and using the capital for a stock buy-back. Dilbert: This is a dream come true because I always wanted to be like you. CEO: In what way are you... Dilbert: Yay! I'm worthless!
Tuesday July 03,
2012
Tags bad stocks, disclose holdings, money, newsletter, stock market, stock picker, traded stocks, pumpanddump
Transcript
Dogbert: I'm starting a pump-and-dump newsletter for thinly traded stocks. It's legal as long as I disclose my holdings and my bad stock picks can be attributed to honest mistakes. Meet my stock picker. Coworker: All shhtocks go up!
Wednesday July 04,
2012
Tags stock market, no raise, accomplished nothing, invest in penny stocks, hot stock tips, narrowed the gap, money
Transcript
Boss: Wally, I can't give you a raise because you accomplished nothing this year. Wally: That's okay because I make a fortune investing in penny stocks. Do you want some hot stock tips? Dilbert: Did you get a raise. Wally: No, but I narrowed the gap between his income and mine.