Matching Skills Comic Strips - Page 8

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121 Results for Matching Skills

View 71 - 80 results for matching skills comic strips. Discover the best "Matching Skills" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #3 hour meeting, #doesn't apply, #highly paid contractor, #oxygen to brains, #multimedia developer

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Ted: It looks like you're off to a three-hour staff meeting that doesn't apply to me. Ted: Im glad Im a highly paid contractor, I'll be increasing my skills while you fight to get oxygen to your brains. THREE HOURS LATER TED: I became a multimedia developer, How was your day?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lacking clerical support, #highly trained, #paid professionals, #copier, #analytical sklills, #mindless, #toner, #five minutes

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Dilbert and Wally are in the copier room. Dilbert stands behind Wally thinking, "Lacking clerical support, the highly trained, highly paid professionals line up at the copier." Dilbert continues thinking, "Their amazing analytical skills are squandered in this mindless task." Wally says, "No . . . It looks like the 'toner' light doesn't turn off if you wait." Dilbert says, "Let's give it another five minutes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #start documenting, #market requirements, #design skills, #rewarding, #work, #doo hickey

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Dilbert and Stan from marketing sit at a conference table. As he types on a laptop, Dilbert tells Stan, "Okay, let's start by documenting your market requirements." Stan responds, "No, let's start by you telling me all the things you can design. Then I'll tell you which one I like." Dilbert says, "Work can be very rewarding. You should try it." Stan points to Dilbert's portable PC and asks, "What's that doohickey you have there?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #computer, #a.d. 2190, #bobby, #exploded

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a desk. Dilbert says, "I programmed the computer to predict what people will be like in 200 years." Dogbert asks, "What assumptions are you making?" Dilbert replies, "It's based on trends in today's youth." Dilbert explains, "For example, we know that science skills are declining, more kids are overweight, and selfishness is rising." In the year 2190, three huge people float in midair. One person says, "I heard that Bobby exploded." Another replies, "I wonder why that keeps happening." The third person says, "Who cares? More for us."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #software, #under contract, #methodology, #village meetings, #juggle, #elbonians, #slam out code, #go roller skating, #pig, #animals, #engineering

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Dilbert perches on a rock using a laptop. He says to two Elbonians, "Before I accept the software you wrote under contract, tell me what development methodology you use." One Elbonian says, "We hold village meetings to boast of our skills and curse the devil-spawned end-users." The other Elbonian adds, "Sometimes we juggle." The first Elbonian continues, "At the last minute we slam out some code and go roller skating." Dilbert says, "I would find this humorous if not for the pig on my back." A pig clings to Dilbert lovingly.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #iron man team, #team building, #exercise, #ten mile swim, #parcticing, #teamwork, #doggie paddle, #health

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Wally, Dilbert and Alice stand on the beach wearing swimsuits. The Boss tells them, "The first leg of the 'Iron Man' team-building exercise is a ten-mile swim, I think." The Boss says, "I won't be participating because my teamwork skills are already excellent." The Boss thinks, "Two phrases you don't expect to hear in the same day are 'Iron Man' and 'doggie paddle.'" Someone in the water says, "Hey! No splashing!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #school for interpersonal skills, #Dogbert, #good relationships, #huge phony, #three fundamentals, #loud, #simple, #smiley, #low pressure system, #weather

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Dogbert stands at the front of a room and says, "The secret to good relationships is to be a huge phony." Dilbert and Wally sit in the class. Dogbert clicks a remote control and says, "Let's practice the three fundamentals." A slide projection lists, "Loud, Simple, Smiley." Wally shouts, "Hey, how about that low-pressure system, huh?!!" Dogbert stands on a stool and says, "Again, but this time say 'weather.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #career talk, #boss, #office, #work you, #health deteriorates, #obsolete, #downsize, #plan work fast, #ill

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Dilbert stadns in front of the Boss who is sitting at his desk. Dilbert says, "I'd like to talk about my career path." The Boss says, "Okay." The Boss says, "My plan is to work you until your health deteriorates and your skills are obsolete. Then we'll downsize you." Dilbert holds his stomach and says, "I'm ill." The Boss says, "Really? I've never had a plan work this fast before."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #co worker, #man, #attractive woman, #socializing, #dating

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Dilbert sees a co-worker whose hair stands straight up. Dilbert asks, "What's wrong with you?" The man replies, "I have A.W.S." Dilbert asks, "You have 'Attractive Woman Syndrome' HERE??" The man replies, "She was just hired." The man shouts, "Run!" The Boss approaches and says, "Dilbert, I'd like you to meet Liz." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh . . . My metabolism is increasing. My brain is suppressing what little social skills I have." The woman says, "Hi." Dilbert extends his hand and says, "It's a pleasure to meet me. I hope you never find a live turtle in your soup." Sweat flies off Dilbert's forehead. Dilbert covers his face with a piece of paper and thinks, "Aaagh! What was that supposed to mean??" Liz looks scared. The paper sticks to Dilbert's face and he thinks, "Oh great . . . The correction fluid wasn't dry. It's stuck to my eyebrows." Dilbert arrives at home with the document still stuck to his face. He asks Dogbert, "What can I do to stop frightening attractive women?" Dogbert replies, "That mask is a step in the right direction."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management secrets, #earthling, #fulltime aliens, #ufo, #plowed into alp, #sharing skills, #boss and aliens

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The Boss is naked in a prison tube on an alien spacecraft. Two aliens outside the tube. One says, "Tell us your management secrets, earthling." The Boss responds, "You have too many full-time aliens flying this UFO. Downsize half of them, then roll out the ISO 9001 process." Back in the office, Dilbert and Alice listen as The Boss, who is supported by crutches and has a perplexed look on his face, finishes his story. "...But despite all of my help, they still plowed into a snow-covered alp."