Minute Old Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

343 Results for Minute Old

View 71 - 80 results for minute old comic strips. Discover the best "Minute Old" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #old coworker, #whisper, #secret, #knowledge, #die, #evil smile, #grin, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss says, "Old Johannsen has kept his job all of these years because no one else has his critical knowledge." Johannsen says, "Pss pss pss pss psss"B<R>The Boss says, "There's the worst-case scenario right there."

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #history, #lying, #pride, #selfishness, #worried, #recession, #frightening, #crimean war, #cold stench, #death, #use moisturizer, #old enough, #experience, #education, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Topper Asok says, "This recession frightens me." Topper says, "That's nothing!" Topper says, "During the Crimean war, all I had to eat was the cold stench of death!" Asok says, "You don't seem old enough to?" Topper says, "I use moisturizer!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coffee, #stock tip, #ridicule, #criticism, #hair cut, #old fashioned, #doubt, #annoyed

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "I have a great stock tip for you, Alice." Alice says, "And I should trust you because you're an expert on all things except your own ridiculous hair?" Man says, "I also know a lot about old cars." Alice says, "Shocker."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #agreement, #bad news, #euphoric feeling, #harsh landing, #illusion of progress, #lasts a minute, #momentary sweetness, #reacts, #spoiler, #planning meeting

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Okay, we have a good plan forward. This meeting is adjourned. Oooh!!!" "AaaaH!!!" Asok: What is that?"AAAH!! Dilbert: She's tasting the sweet nectar of the illusion in progress. It's that euphoric feeling you get between the time you make a plan and the time some moron thwarts it. AAAH!!! It can last anywhere from less than a minute to as much as a minute. Wally: Ted won't meet with us because someone told him that you told someone else he was an obstacle. Alice: GRRRRR!!! Dilbert: The landing is harsh."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #feel empowered, #forgot buy in, #poorly conceived project, #destroy from inside, #not empowered, #old system

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I want all of you to feel empowered on this project." Dilbert says, "You forgot to get our buy- in before you empowered us." The Boss says, "I'll get your buy-in later." Wally says, "It's far too late for that." Wally says, "I'm going to use my empowerment to destroy this poorly conceived project from the inside!" The Boss says, "Don't do that!" Dilbert says, "So... now you're saying we're not empowered to do what we think is best?" Alice says, "Can we go back to our old system where we're afraid to make decisions and you're never available?" Alice says, "Your eyes say, 'Yes.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #use old technology, #get funded, #raise issue, #any issues, #old technology, #works fine, #new technology buggy

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Our pointy-haired boss is insisting we use old technology because he thinks it will be easier to get it funded. "You should raise that issue at the meeting." "We'll back you up." Dilbert: "Absolutely." The Boss: "Are there any issues?" Asok: "You're making us use old technology just to make your job easier." "Does anyone else think that?" "No." "No." "No." "The old technology works fine." "New technology is too buggy." "What was that?!!" "It's just something we do."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #changed product design, #old design, #new design, #balme, #ahtred, #same person

View Transcript

Transcript

CoWorker: I changed the product design. Dilbert: "It's worse than the old design." Coworker: "You asked me to come up with a new design." Dilbert: "I meant a new design that's better than the old design." Coworker: "Great. You could have told me that before I did all this work." "How do you think this makes me feel?" "No one would blame me for hating you." "I'm the only sane person in this company."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tall pants, #old fashioned, #hairpiece, #glove on tail, #money to treasury, #first primary

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm wearing my tall pants and my old-fashioned hairpiece because I'm running for president. "I put a glove on my tail so I can shake 50% more hands." "My policy is to give all the money in the treasury to Iowans. But I might flip-flop after the first primary."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #old job, #better than here, #great company, #fired, #quit, #moron

View Transcript

Transcript

"At my old job, we did everything better than we do it here." Alice: "They sound like a great company. It's no wonder they fired you." "They didn't fire me. I quit to come work here." Alice: "So, your point is that you're a moron?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #interview candidate, #isn't too old, #illegal ask, #telltale signs, #explosive ear hair

View Transcript

Transcript

Interview this candidate and make sure he isn't too old. "It's illegal to ask his age." "Just stall until you see the telltale signs of E.E.H.G." "E.E.H.G.?" "Explosive ear hair growth." "Hmm. No wrinkles. But maybe he uses moisturizers and stays out of the sun." "Wait...wait..." "Can't...hold out any...longer." "GAAA!!! Look away! Look away!" "Ha!" "Then I waited and waited...What?"