Never Born Comic Strips - Page 8

Search Filters

Year

Character

649 Results for Never Born

View 71 - 80 results for never born comic strips. Discover the best "Never Born" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wednesday November 04, 2015 How It Feels To Never Accomplish

Thank you for voting.

Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

How It Feels To Never Accomplish - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, laziness, perspective, happiness, satisfaction, psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: What's it like to never feel the satisfaction of a job well done? Wally: It's even better than you'd think! Dilbert: We might not be on the same page here. Wally: I hope your page feels as good as mine.

View more books now

Tuesday December 15, 2015 I Would Never Ask You To Lie

Thank you for voting.

Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

I Would Never Ask You To Lie - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sales personnel, lying, sales, ethics, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Stop being honest when you go on sales calls. Dilbert: You want me to lie? Boss: I would never ask you to lie. I'm asking you to nod your head and smile while our salesperson lies.

Tuesday April 05, 2016 Ted Never Got The File

Thank you for voting.

Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

Ted Never Got The File - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags blame, communication, responsibility, technology, guest artist, brenna thummler

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: I never got the file you said you would send. Dilbert: I don't know what file type you want. Ted: Why didn't you ask? Dilbert: Why didn't you check your email and see that I did? Ted: Why didn't you text me to say you emailed me? Dilbert: Why don't you drive into a ravine?

Friday July 29, 2016 Dashboard Never Changes

Thank you for voting.

Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

Dashboard Never Changes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, trick, technology, status, ruse

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I noticed that the project dashboard you wrote for me never changes. Dilbert: That's because our projects are always doing great. Boss: It's a static image, isn't it? Dilbert: You're gonna wish you asked that three weeks ago.

Saturday February 25, 2017 Wally Is Born For The Job

Thank you for voting.

Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

Wally Is Born For The Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags legacy, system, laziness, perfect job, goals, ambition

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need to set some goals for you. Wally: My job is to maintain the legacy system. My only goal is to avoid accidentally upgrading it. Boss: And how's that going? Wally: I don't like to brag, but I was born for this job.

Saturday April 01, 2017 It's Like You Never Existed

Thank you for voting.

Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

It's Like You Never Existed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags supervisor, manager, false comparison

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I spent the past week fixing a critical bug in the software that I forgot to tell you about. Boss: In a way, it's like you never existed. Alice: No, it's not like that at all. Boss: And you have a bad attitude on top of all that.

Monday October 02, 2017 Software Is Never Finished

Thank you for voting.

Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

Software Is Never Finished - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, deadline, guidance, lying

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Is the software finished? Dilbert: Software is never finished. Boss: Did you fix all of the bugs? Dilbert: There's no way to know. Boss: I can't manage you if you don't learn to lie. Dilbert: Okay, the software will be perfect in 2.3 days.

Monday February 25, 2019 Never Give Reasons

Thank you for voting.

Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

Never Give Reasons - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, debates, internet, Opinion, social media, idiot

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the Internet Debate Coach Dogbert: Never give reasons for your opinions. That only gives your opponent fodder for proving you're an idiot. Asok: Then how can I win a debate on social media? Dogbert: No one knows. It has never been done.

Sunday April 21, 2019 Never Ask About The Sigh

Thank you for voting.

Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

Never Ask About The Sigh - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, relationships, serial killer

View Transcript

Transcript

carol, asok and dilbert at a conference table. carol: sigh carol: sigh asok: what's wrong? dilbert distressed: gaaaa!!! never ask about the sigh! dilbert: it's a trap to make you listen to a distressing story full of woe. carol: my husband is a hunter and he wants me to learn how to skin and cook his kills. asok: that doesn't sound so bad. dilbert: wait for it. carol: he's a serial killer. dilbert: and there it is.