Sign Papers Comic Strips - Page 8
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The Boss hands a sign to Dilbert, Alice and Ted. The Boss says, "As part of my program to use more humor at work, I'm asking each of you to wear a 'kick me' sign." The Boss tapes a sign to Dilbert's back and says, "I'll check later to see if you're more relaxed and creative." Later, the Boss says to Alice, "You seem to be taking unfair advantage of the situation, Alice." Dilbert and two male co-workers stand covering their groins and looking like they are in pain.
Dogbert stands on the desk chair and says into a camera, "This is Dogbert . . . You are all under my hypnotic powers . . ." A satellite dish sits on the desk. Dogbert transmits to a satellite orbiting earth, "I am the supreme ruler of earth. You must all carry Dogbert posters and chant 'Dogbert is my king.'" Dogbert concludes, "That is all for now. If I think of anything else important I'll let you know." Ratbert enters holding a sign with Dogbert's picture on it and chanting, ". . . Is my king."
Dogbert stands on the desk chair in front of a video camera. Dilbert asks Dogbert, "May I have a word with you?" Dilbert is holding a Dogbert sign. Dilbert says, "I understand that you hijacked a satellite signal and hypnotized everybody to carry your picture and chant your name. That is not amusing." Later, Dilbert says to Ratbert, "In retrospect, I shouldn't have said 'that is not amusing.'" They are both wearing brassieres.
The Boss, Dilbert, Alice, Wally and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Welcome to the four hour . . ." The Boss yells, "Meeting from HELL!!" He laughs diabolically. Dilbert thinks, "That's rarely a good sign."
Dogbert stands on a chair across from the Boss's desk and says, "Your entire staff volunteered to work on my task force. Now I want them and their budgets transferred to me." The Boss asks, "Why would I agree to that?" Dogbert replies, "If you don't, I'll tell everybody you're not a team player . . . Sign here." The Boss says as he signs, "So . . . Now I'm on the team, right?" Dogbert replies, "Yeah . . . The losing team . . . By yourself."
Alice: We've reached a new low in the 'potluck lunch' sign-up. Twelve people signed up to bring bags of ice and one person is bringing slat. I need one of you at least bring a beverage. Wally: Put me down for one bag of sparkling mineral water.
The Boss stands next to an overhead projector. He points to the diagram on the screen and says, "We're taking away your individual cubicles. In the new system, you'll sign up for whatever cube is open that day." Sally and Wally are seated at a conference table. The Boss continues, "It's based on the model of public restrooms. But I call it 'Hoteling' because it increases my chances of getting tips." The Boss approaches Dilbert with a roll of note paper that looks like toilet paper and says, "Each cubicle will have a computer, a chair, and a roll of note paper . . . Take one and pass it around."
Dogbert sits at a conference table with a businessman. Dogbert says, "You'll use your technical expertise and I'll do the business stuff. Sign here." As the businessman signs the contract Dogbert says, "Since you're the inventor of the technology, you'll get 100% of the special decorative non-equity stock. I'll settle for all the common stock." The businessman says, "I hope we can avoid the tension that some partners experience." Dogbert says angrily, "Give me my pen, you miscreant."
Dilbert installs a stove while Dogbert watches. Dilbert says, "I'm installing a paper-burning stove to lower our heating bills." Dilbert says, "I'll fuel it with all the useless documents I get at work." At the office, the Boss sees Dilbert carrying a stack of papers and asks, "I've been noticing how much stuff you take home. You must love your work." Dilbert replies, "It gives me a warm feeling."
Dilbert sits at his desk clenching his fist. He thinks, "I hate being team leader. It's so stressful." Dilbert continues thinking, "I have reponsibility but no authority. I feel like I'm an animal in some warped behavioral study." He hears a "Ding" coming from behind him. Dilbert turns his chair around and reaches for a dispenser on the wall with a sign above it that says, "Take pellet." He thinks, "On the plus side, the pellets are excellent."