2007 Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #human resources, #new policy, #no d drinking coffee, #remove all doubt, #policies, #evil, #honesty, #ruining the moment, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert, evil director of human resources Catbert: "Our new policy is no drinking coffee during work." "That should remove all doubt that our policies are designed for any reason other than evil." Dilbert: "Your honesty is refreshing." Catbert: "Stop ruining the moment!!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonian branch, #in my own country, #see you inperson, #mud, #work long hours, #wear dockers

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I'll be managing the Elbonian branch office but I'll be based in my own country. "I'll never see you in person but I want you all to work long hours and wear Dockers." "What is he doing?" Elbonian: "Sometimes we use mud to muffle laughter."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonian divison, #do any work, #every minute, #hidden cameras, #randomly fire, #evil, #buttocks tingle

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: My Elbonian division won't do any work unless someone is watching them every minute. Catbert: "Tell them you have hidden cameras." "Then randomly fire one Elbonian per week." The Boss: "Hee-hee! Evil makes my buttocks tingle."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hiring coordinator, #projects, #starts monday, #input

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I'd like your input on the idea of hiring a coordinator for our projects. "Terrible idea." "Waste of money." "Wouldn't help." "He starts Monday."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee orientation, #no time, #exercise, #long hours, #trans fat, #positive note, #payroll dedcution, #service, #save money, #dirt, #cubicle, #burial site, #health

View Transcript

Transcript

Employee Orientation Catbert: "This job will leave you with no time for exercise." "You will work long hours and consume trans fats until you are shaped like this." "On a positive note, our payroll deduction service allows you to save money for dirt to turn your cubicle into a burial site."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #senior engineer, #lead engineer, #pay is same, #disrespect you, #magic

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I'm promoting you from senior engineer to lead engineer. "The pay is the same but people will disrespect you less." Dilbert: "Including you?" The Boss: "It's not magic."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #all motivation, #temporary, #lead engineer, #buzz kil, #right back at you

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "I got promoted to lead engineer." Wally: "Me too." Dilbert: "Wow. Buzz kill." Wally: "Right back at you." The Boss: "If you think about it, all motivation is temporary."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #crunchy food, #cubilces, #love slat, #more than coworkers, #only jerks, #salty food, #disrepsect

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Your snacks are too loud. crunch crunch crunch "Only inconsiderate jerks eat crunchy food in cubicles." crunch crunch crunch Wally: "Maybe you should try to make me love you more than I love salt."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wally refuses, #stop eating, #noisy snacks, #likes salt, #more ethan you, #kelp, #oatmeal

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: I asked Wally to stop eating noisy snacks in his cubicle but he refuses. Catbert: "That's because he likes salt more than he likes you. We all feel the same way." Tina: "What?" CAtbert: "You're somewhere between oatmeal and kelp."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #punching people, #high rates, #ridiculous combpver, #punch face in, #regain element, #surprise, #therapy session, #couch, #expressing

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I can't stop punching people who deserve to be punched. For example, your high rates and ridiculous combover make me want to punch your face in. Therapist: But you won't right? Alice: Lets see what happens when I regain the element of surprise.