3 Months Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

217 Results for 3 Months

View 71 - 80 results for 3 months comic strips. Discover the best "3 Months" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #think aloud, #cost, #monkeys, #swallow tongue, #distarctions, #stream of consciousness

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "Okay, let me think aloud for a minute." The Boss continues, "The cost will be $3,000... losing focus... monkeys are funny... my tongue is digesting in my mouth." The Boss concludes, "That didn't help as much as I had hoped."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #layoffs, #cruel to fire friday, #employee appreciation day, #employee of the month, #evil catbert

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. The Boss asks, "When should we do the layoffs?" Catbert responds, "Experts say that Friday is the cruelest day of the week to fire people." Catbert continues, "So let's do it Friday." The Boss responds, "Friday is our Employee Appreciation Day." Catbert gasps, "Ah-Ah Ah-Wooo!!!" The Boss is alarmed. He asks, "What was that?" Catbert responds, "You don't want to know." The Boss hands an award to an employee and says, "Congratulations on being named Employee of the Month." The Boss continues, "Now.. you know how some months are shorter than others?" Catbert gasps, "Ah-ah wooo!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #perfect world, #eight months, #incompetence multiplier, #lying weasel factor

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert points to a screen that says, 'Schedule 8 Months." Dilbert says, "In a perfect world, the project would take eight months." Dilbert points to another screen and says, "But based on past projects in this company, I applied a 1.5 incompetence multiplier." Dilbert continues, "And then I applied an L.W.F. of 6.3." The Boss asks, "L.W.F?" Alice answers, "Lying Weasel Factor."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #need to know, #basis, #crawl space, #underhouse, #news, #don't believe news, #fake news

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting on his couch. Dogbert approaches and says, "I'm putting you on a strict 'need to know' basis." Dogbert continues, "And stay out of the crawl space under the house." Dogbert continues, "And don't believe anything you see in the news for about six months."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #3 year anniversary, #first meeting, #project requirements, #probelm

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert addresses a meeting, "Today is the three-year anniversary of our first meeting to discuss project requirements." Dilbert continues, "And we're still discussing requirements. Does anyone else see a problem here?" A coworker turns to Dilbert and says, "When you're done, can we talk about requirements?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #downsized, #no revenue, #three months, #fire billing, #excellent performance

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Ted, "Ted, your performance is excellent but I have to downsize you." Ted asks, "Why?" The Boss replies, "Our billing system is so defective that we haven't made any revenue in three months." Ted asks, "Why don't you fire the billing department?" The Boss responds, "I did... three months ago."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #acquired benefits, #adopt program, #blend benefits progarm, #blending, #evil director, #maternity leave, #merger approved, #smokers

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss addresses a meeting, "The merger has been approved." The Boss continues, "Our evil director of human resources will blend the acquired company's benefits with our own." Alice, Dilbert, and Wally cry, "WAAA! WAAA! WAAA!" The Boss thinks, "Apparently they know what blending means." Catbert says to the other HR director, "Let's see... My company offers six months of maternity leave for mothers." The other HR director replies, "We treat 'em like smokers. They have to squat in the parking lot for 10 minutes then go back to work." Catbert says, "That's very evil.. We'll adopt your program." The other HR director responds, "Thanks." The Boss reads the new benefits plan. He asks, "What is 'draining?' Catbert responds, "Our company called it training."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #book, #choose good attitude, #six months to live, #depressed, #bad advice, #apathetic

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stops a sad employee and says, "Hey, guy, cheer up. You can choose to have a good attitude!" The sad employee replies, "I just found out I have six months to live." The Boss smiles and hands the employee a book. The Boss says, "Maybe I'm saying it wrong. Try reading the book yourself."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #boss requested, #3 weeks, #organized, #wasting time, #meeting about, #brew coffeee, #exaggerating accomplishments, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss interrupts a meeting and says, "Dilbert, can you come with me to a meeting?" Dilbert responds, "Actually, no. I'm running this meeting and it took three weeks to get everyone together." Dilbert says, "If I leave now, sixteen people will be wasting their time." Wally says, "I'll cover for you." Dilbert says to Wally, "You will?" Wally replies, "Sure. Just leave your notes and I'll take care of it." Dilbert follows The Boss and says, "What's the meeting about?" The Boss responds, "It's not exactly a meeting." The Boss, "I need someone to drink the crud on the bottom and then brew a fresh pot." Back at the meeting, Wally calls a vote, "All in favor of leaving before he gets back." Everyone raises their hands. Dilbert returns to an empty meeting. He thinks, "It looks like I'll be exaggerating my accomplishments again this year."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #premature clickage, #3 stooges, #visualize, #finger exercises, #contort face

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Mouse Training. The instructor says, "Today you will learn how to avoid premature clickage." The instructor continues, "Contort your face and visualize what you look like with a contorted face." The instructor sticks out two fingers and shakes his arm. He says, "Now pair off and we'll do some finger exercises that I call 'The Three Stooges.'"