Close The Gap Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

87 Results for Close The Gap

View 71 - 80 results for close the gap comic strips. Discover the best "Close The Gap" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, efficiency experts, gloves, foot in glove

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'll teach you the best practices of companies that have nothing in common with yours. Those practices will fit your company like a foot in a glove. Boss: Close enough. Dogbert Consults

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags embarrassment, inventions, good news, fuel source, organic waste material, awkward

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: the good news is that we're going to test a new furl source for you. The bad news is that the fun source is organic waste material. Irs awkward for me too. Just close your eyes , ok?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags basket cases, bottom dollar, dysfunction, mentor, new hire, office equipment, office robot, human life, less important

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need someone to mentor our new hire, but every one of you is dysfunctional. So I'm having our office robot do the mentoring. It can't be worse than you basket cases. Employee: So... human life is less important than office equipment? Robot: Far less. It's not even close.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags close friends, facebook, fix problem, friends, liked, posts, seven friends, therapy, shrink, popularity, social media, technology, psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: No one "likes" my Facebook posts. woman: How many Facebook friends do you have? Dilbert: Seven. Woman: Are they close friends? Dilbert: How do you define close? Woman: Have you here invited any of these people to your house? Dilbert: Why would I do that? Woman: I can't fix your problem. SO instead , I'll plant some false memories and try to fox those later. Do you remember being a robot that was designed by alines? Dilbert: No. woman: are you sure? Dilbert: I was.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags programming skills, next hire, python, java, php, solve, ignorance problems, gap in knowledge, string theory, graviton

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss; What programming skills should I be looking for in our next home? Dilbert: Jquery, ruby,HTML5, Python , Java , PHO and of course, C++ BOSS: Maybe you could wrote this down. Dilbert: Sure. That should totally solve your ignorance problem. Are there any other gaps in your knowledge that I can fix by writing things down? Dilbert: How about string theory? I can explain that in a few words. Graviton....supersymmetry....perturbation...M-theory. Boss: I know string theory now.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags obliviousness, time management, touch, touching, touching paper, turn off phone, ignore email, one touch, salad tongs, on etouch, interupted

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The key to good time management is touching each piece of paper once. If I can only touch it once, I'd better do it right. I'll need to make sure I don't get interrupted after the first touch.Turn off my phone, close my door, and ignore email. Okay, here goes one touch. Ugh. This will take an hour and I only have ten minutes. Make a copy, throw away the original, and don't let me touch the copy until I have an hour in my schedule. I wonder if I'm allowed to use salad tongs.

Ceo Inflates His Own Head

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo Inflates His Own Head - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bonus, ceos, competition, executives, height, money, salary, wages

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Now that our policy is to pay people based on height, your CEO salary is capped, too. CEO: That's what you think. Watch what happens when I hold my nose and close my mouth and blow. Catbert: Well, I guess it only needs to last until bonus season.

Carol And The Terrorist

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Carol And The Terrorist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags terrorist, terrorism, racist, race, muslim, assume, assumption, accuse, accusation

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: I hear you're a terrorist sympathizer. Asok: What? No! I'm not even close. I don't want to hate you! Please stop radicalizing me! Carol: Sweating, agitated, he looks suspicious to me. Asok: Who are you talking to???!

Brain Trapping

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Brain Trapping - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boredom, bored, mundane

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Don't get too close. He's brain-trapping. Asok: What? Wally: He's doing a task so boring that he has to cover his ear holes so his brain won't try to escape. There's no way for it to get out now. Asok: Did he just get taller?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags add code, corporate scamming, darkest day, designed new prodcut, draft apology, engineering success, make unrelaible, no upgarde, press release, ten years

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Ive designed our new product to work flawlessly for up to ten years. CEO: No one will need an upgrade. Thats no good. Add some code to low it down and make it unreliable after two years. CEO: But make sure the device doesn't slow down until we have an upgrade to sell. Then draft an apology I can put un a press realize when we get caught. Dilbert: You have turned my engineering success into the darkest day of my career. CEO: Thats not even close to being true. Your darkest day will be when the press figures out what we did and I fore you for it.