Competitors Die Trying Comic Strips - Page 8

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426 Results for Competitors Die Trying

View 71 - 80 results for competitors die trying comic strips. Discover the best "Competitors Die Trying" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 1995's comic on:


Tags #engineering, #uses program, #marketing, #prodcut, #urrelevant, #engineers, #same as marketeers, #sitting in cave, #rocks are edicble, #recipes, #business

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Stan in marketing works at his computer while Dilbert looks over his shoulder. Dilbert says, "Everybody in engineering uses this program I wrote. I think marketing should turn it into a product." Stan replies, "I wouldn't buy this." Dilbert tells Stan, "That's irrelevant because the target market would be engineers." Stan says, "Engineers think the same as marketeers." Dilbert replies, "If that were true we'd be sitting in a cave trying to decide if rocks are edible." Stan points to the computer and says, "You know, you could keep recipes on this."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 1995's comic on:


Tags #christmas of 92, #mall, #filberts dad, #different not worse, #death, #loss, #missing, #lives at mall, #medical

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Dilbert and Liz are having tea with Dilbert's mother, who says, "It's really different around here since we lost Dilbert's dad." Liz asks, "When did he die?" Dilbert says, "He's not dead. We lost him at the mall, Christmas of '92." Liz looks shocked and asks, "Shouldn't you be looking for him?" Dilbert's mom replies, "I said it's different, not worse."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 1995's comic on:


Tags #ratbert, #temp worker, #really testing self worth, #compensate list of talents, #walks past, #ignore i eat rubber, #i carry disease, #i enjoy opera

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Ratbert is in his box. He thinks, "This is really testing my sense of self-worth." Ratbert continues thinking, "I will compensate by shouting a list of my talents to anybody who walks past." Dilbert is standing next to Wally. Dilbert says, "Ignore him. He's trying to trick us into making eye contact." Out of view, Ratbert shouts, "I eat rubber! I carry disease! I enjoy opera!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 1995's comic on:


Tags #filberts expense voucher, #idiots in accounting, #smart, #sadistic, #trolls, #humanoid characteristics, #right answer

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Dilbert is seated in front of a demonlike clerk. The clerk yells, "What are you trying to pull?? Do you think we're idiots in accounting?!!" Dilbert responds, "No, I swear, I think you're smart but sadistic trolls with many humanoid characteristics." Dilbert's hands and feet are bound and he is hanging upside down above a pit. He thinks to himself, "Apparently there was no right answer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 1995's comic on:


Tags #changes to design, #work around clock, #work smarter, #not harder, #violate laws of physics, #create radiation, #ill user, #mention in documents, #beta tester

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Wally sits at his desk and Dilbert stands behind him. The Boss enters and says, "I made a few changes to the design." Dilbert reads a document and looks shocked. He says, "We'll have to work around the clock for months to make these changes!!" The Boss says, "Work smarter, not harder." Wally looks at the changes and says, "You're trying to violate the laws of physics!" The Boss replies, "Rules were made to be broken." Dilbert says, "This design would create enough radiation to instantly kill the user!!" The Boss walks away and says, "Be sure to mention that in the documentation." Dilbert says to Wally, "Let's work smarter not harder." Wally replies, "I think we found the only 'beta' tester we'll need."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 1995's comic on:


Tags #brittle writer, #thelma and louise, #bad drivers, #not offended, #three stooges, #all documentraies, #Men

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The caption reads, "Dogbert tweaks Tina the brittle tech writer." Dogbert asks Tina, "What do you think of the movie 'Thelma and Louise?'" Tina responds, "I know what you're trying to say. You think all women are bad drivers. That's really the point of the movie, isn't it??" The caption reads, "If you're not offended yet, tune in tomorrow." Dogbert asks Tina, "The 'Three Stooges?'" Tina cries, "Why are ALL of the documentaries about MEN??!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 1995's comic on:


Tags #best manager, #project goosefood, #hired jack, #brief jack, #no budget, #no support, #global information network, #failure certain, #industry, #disgarce, #hired, #competitors

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The Boss introduces a man to Dilbert and Wally. The Boss says, "We just hired Jack away from our competitor. He was their best manager." The Boss continues, "Jack will be in charge of project 'Goosefood.'" The Boss continues, "I'd like you two to brief Jack on the project." Jack, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "Project 'Goosefood' has no budget and no management support." Wally says, "Your job is to build a global information network in two weeks." Dilbert says, "Failure is certain. Soon you will leave the industry in disgrace." Wally adds, ". . . Just like the other 'best managers' we hired from our competitors." Jack says, "Just our of curiosity, how did the project get its name?" Wally replies, "Let's just say that you're the goose food . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 1995's comic on:


Tags #meets goal, #quarter, #save head, #big imporvement, #save money, #haircut, #double goal, #less experinced, #employees, #business

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The Boss stands in front of Alice, Wally and Dilbert and announces, "If the department meets its goal for the quarter you can shave my head!" Dilbert says, "That would be a big improvement." Wally says, "He's trying to save money on a haircut." Someone asks, "If we double our goal can we iron your shirt, too?" The Boss thinks, "I need some less experienced employees."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 1995's comic on:


Tags #succeed, #competitors, #salary increases, #external competition, #idiot boy

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The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We'll succeed if we understand who our competitors really are!" Wally says, "My competition is Dilbert and Alice, with whom I compete for salary increases and rare promotion opportunities." The Boss says, "I meant our external competition." Wally says, "Tell me again what we make." Dilbert whispers to Wally, "No raise for you, idiot boy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 1995's comic on:


Tags #more involved, #project, #roll up sleeves, #work buttons

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Dilbert and Wally sit at a desk. The Boss enters and says, "I've decided to get more involved with your project." Wally and Dilbert think, "Uh-oh." The Boss continues, "I'm just going to roll up my sleeves and pitch in." Trying to unbutton his sleeve cuffs, the Boss says, "Does anybody know how to work these buttons?" Wally covers his eyes with his hands and Dilbert leans back in disgust.