False Logic Comic Strips - Page 8
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117 Results for False Logic
View 71 - 80 results for false logic comic strips. Discover the best "False Logic" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday November 14,
2015
It's Easier If We Don't Try To Link Performance And Outcomes
Tags #performance, #reward, #consequences, #consequence, #result, #outcome, #logic, #reasoning, #laziness, #work ethic
Transcript
Boss: So don't let that happen again. Dilbert: It wasn't my fault and you know it. Boss: It's easier if we don't try to link performance and outcomes. Dilbert: I'll try. It was hard at first, but now I'm totally stress-free. Wally: I just got a 30% raise.
Sunday December 06,
2015
Tags #logic, #reasoning, #managing, #managers, #leadership, #quality, #absurd
Transcript
Dilbert: You assigned a pack of idiots to my project team. Boss: We can't afford to hire good people. Dilbert: How am I supposed to create world-class products with a team of disruptive idiots? Boss: Try working extra hard. Dilbert: You want us to be more energetic about our bad decisions? Boss: You also have to put in the hours. Dilbert: Are you saying bad decisions, plus long hours, plus lots of enthusiasm, produces great engineering? Boss: Not if you stand around yacking about it all day.
Tuesday December 22,
2015
I Used To Have A Nemesis
Tuesday January 12,
2016
Charge All Hours To Projects
Tags #logic, #billing, #honesty, #fraud, #money, #time
Transcript
Boss: Make sure you charge 100 percent of your time to project codes. Dilbert: Are you asking us to fraudulently apply our miscellaneous hours to specific projects so we can overbill clients? Boss: It's not a crime if you pretend it was an accident. Dilbert: Did you learn that in "flaw" school?
Sunday January 31,
2016
Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuse, #paradox, #logic
Transcript
Boss: How's the software coming along? Wally: We're in the Zeno's paradox phase of the project. Boss: The what? Wally: It means every step we take gets us halfway closer to launch. Boss: Can you keep up that pace? Wally: I'm hoping it will look that way. Boss: Is Zeno's paradox a real thing? Dilbert: You'll find out. Narrator: Next Week. Boss: How's your project? Wally: Halfway closer than last week.
Wednesday February 03,
2016
Closer To Being A Terrorist
Tags #Religion, #logic, #terrorism, #terrorist, #radicalization, #extremism, #fbi, #interrogation
Transcript
FBI Secret Facility. Asok: I am a nonviolent Hindu. You use violence as a tool, and your religion is centered around one of Islam's prophets. So... technically, you're closer to being a radical Islamic terrorist than I am. Agent: I hate engineers.
Wednesday March 02,
2016
False Sense Of Urgency
Tags #guest artist, #managers, #motivation, #personality disorder, #sociopath, #strategy, #john glynn
Transcript
Boss: I don't think I'm doing enough to create a false sense of urgency. Catbert: Are you still a sociopath? Boss: That's the easy part. Catbert: Now add a meaningless deadline and some fear.
Friday March 04,
2016
Business Plan History
Tags #business plan, #futile, #futility, #goal, #guest artist, #logic, #plan, #john glynn
Transcript
Boss: Before we make our business plan for the coming year, let's see how well we stayed on plan last year. We ended up doing nothing that was in our plan, just like every year. Dilbert: Why do't' we skip it this year? Boss: It would be irrational to have no plan.
Thursday March 24,
2016
Boss Uses His Gut
Tags #gut, #instinct, #decision, #deciding, #logic, #stomach, #mouth, #guest artist, #joel friday
Transcript
Boss: Your analysis does not conform to my preconceived notions. So my gut instinct is telling me that you are wrong. Dilbert: When your gut talks to you, what does it use for a mouth?
Sunday May 08,
2016
Tags #logic, #false logic, #imagination, #managers, #review, #performance
Transcript
Boss: I can't give you a raise because your performance was only average. Dilbert: How can you calculate an average for my performance? No one has ever been in my exact situation. Boss: I compared you to other employees. Dilbert: You compared me to strangers doing entirely different things? Boss: No, I compared you to imaginary people doing your exact job. It's called managing, and I'm very good at it. Dilbert: How do you know you're good at it? Boss: Because imaginary people do this job worse than I do.