Friend Matrix Comic Strips - Page 8

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84 Results for Friend Matrix

View 71 - 80 results for friend matrix comic strips. Discover the best "Friend Matrix" comics from Dilbert.com.

Recommening A Friend

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Recommening A Friend - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bribe, employee, hiring, money, referral, guest artist, jake tapper

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Boss: Do you have any friends with technical skills who you can recommend to work here? Wally: I don't have any friends, but if I did, why would I be so mean to them? Boss: You get a $1,000 bonus for referring a friend. Wally: How much for a gullible acquaintance?

Asok Is In The Jargon Matrix

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Asok Is In The Jargon Matrix - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags jargon, language, breakdown, nonsense

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Carol: Come quickly. I think Asok entered the jargon matrix. Asok: At the end of the day, I want some actionable insights that will improve our cross-platform integration. Carol: Can he hear us? Dilbert: Yes, but our words are just noise to him now. Asok: Silo.

Dilbert Enters The Jargon Matrix

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Dilbert Enters The Jargon Matrix - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags jargon, language, matrix, communication

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Dilbert: Asok entered the jargon matrix. I'm going in to save him. Asok: User experience... Dilbert: Cloud... blockchain... speed of execution... responsive design... peel the onion... move the needle... Asok: Sustainability. Dilbert: I'm in. Asok: What the...? Where did you come from? Narrator: Continued...

Dilbert Red Pills Asok

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Dilbert Red Pills Asok - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags jargon, language, nonsense, productivity, illusion, alternate reality

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Dilbert: Nothing in this dimension is real. Asok: Double-click on that. Dilbert: The jargon matrix is where people imagine they are being useful. But in reality, they are sitting in a chair doing nothing. Asok: I just made a ten-year technology plan.

Tina Has Phone Anxiety

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Tina Has Phone Anxiety - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cell phone, boredom, time, killing time, anxiety, addiction, distraction, technology

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Tina: I'm having a lot of anxiety because my mobile phone is broken. What happens if I need to stand in line for something? What would I do while I waited? Dilbert: You need an invisible friend. Tina: I have one, but she's always on her phone.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags friendship, closeness, favor, benefit, debate, relationships

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Tina: Can you give me a ride to the airport on Saturday? Dilbert: My attorney will answer that question. Dogbert: The evidence will show that you are not the kind of friend who qualifies for airport rides. I will prove beyond a reasonable doubt that you are what is called a "work friend." A background check with your family and acquaintances will show that you are unlikely to ever reciprocate. In short, there is no social or monetary reason for Dilbert to agree to your unreasonable request. Tina: Maybe he just wants to be nice. Dogbert: The evidence would suggest otherwise.

Dogbert Won't Teach Persuasion To Dilbert

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Dogbert Won't Teach Persuasion To Dilbert  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, persuasion, help, altruism, selfishness

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Dilbert: Can you teach me to be more persuasive? Dogbert: What's in it for me? Dilbert: It will make you feel good to help a friend. Dogbert: Does it feel as good as denying you? Dilbert: I have no way to know. Dogbert: Bah!

When Clarity Is Not Your Friend

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When Clarity Is Not Your Friend - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags language, jargon, communication

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Boss: Your project summary needs mare jargon and acronyms. The goal is to make ourselves look smart while making the readers feel dumb. Dilbert: What about clarity? Boss: Clarity is not our friend on this one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversation, Food, friends, office, office workers

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Man: I'm a foodie. Are you foodie too? Dilbert: I think of food as fuel. Man: But you enjoy eating good food, right? Dilbert: I try to avoid food that tastes good. That way, I won't overeat. I usually just check my plate for any stray bandages, and that's about it. If my food passes that test, I shovel it toward my mouth while reading stuff on my phone. Man: I don't think I can be your friend. Dilbert: That worked out better than I hoped.

Consider Polyamory

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Consider Polyamory - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags psychology, relationships, office work, polyamory, girl friend, progress, business

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alice: have you ever considered trying polyamory? instead of not having one girl-friend, you could not have two. dilbert: that would feel like progress. alice: you're welcome.