How Much Slack? Comic Strips - Page 8
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Dogbert walks across a field holding a microphone. Dogbert thinks, "I never realized that being an 'ambush reporter' could be so much fun." Dogbert approaches a football player and asks, "Is it true you used steroids to gain your massive size?" The man says, "No! I swear! I just use this little AM radio. I don't even own a steroid system!"
Dilbert sits at a restaurant table with a woman. The woman says, "Thanks for asking me out. Most guys get scared when they find out I'm a practicing witch." The woman continues, "Then they say something I don't like and I end up turning them into lawn ornaments." Dilbert replies, "That's awful!" The woman says, "Tell me about it . . . you can't believe how tacky my lawn is now."
Dogbert asks Dilbert, "You're back early. How was your date?" Dilbert, who has been turned into a frog, replies, "Not so good . . . She's a witch . . . Turned me into a frog." Dilbert says, "Oooh! When I think about it I just get so . . . So . . ." Dogbert asks, "Hopping mad?"
Dogbert sits at a table holding a document. He tells Dilbert, "Plans for the corporate takeover are complete." Dilbert asks, "What corporate takeover?" Dogbert replies, "It's a hostile bid for control of the Meowco Cat Food Company." Dogbert explains, "When I become CEO, I'll order them to add a hairball to every can of cat food." Dogbert chuckles. Dilbert says, "That is cruel and senseless. I'm thoroughly ashamed of you." Dilbert leaves the room. Dogbert sits on the hassock and thinks, "Gee . . . It seems so much more efficient than hassling one cat at a time."
The panel says, "Note: Some new readers of this strip may be confused by the presence of a character who looks very much like a potato. The following comparison should clear things up:" A caption pointing to a drawing of Dilbert the Frog says, "Dilbert (turned into a frog and disguised as Prince Charles)." A caption points to a potato. The panel says, "A handy rule for telling which one is a potato is to look for the presence of glasses. Although potatoes do have eyes, they are know to be vain and generally prefer contact lenses. Keep this reference guide with you."
Bob the Dinosaur asks Dawn, "How did we ever allow ourselves to be drawn into Dogbert's evil cult?" Bob continues, "Maybe he has strange hypnotic powers. Maybe we were mesmerized by his oratorical skill." Dilbert says, "It says here you have brains the size of a walnut." Bob asks, "What's your point?"
Dogbert: Don't worry, killer, I'll get us out of this pound by nightfall. Poodle: How? Dogbert: I used my one phone call to call a wrecking company to destroy this place. Poodle: That sound dangerous to me. Coming up: A near-death experience or possibly just a stupid dream sequence.
Dilbert sits in his chair watching television. The newscaster says, "Our top story: a dog with glasses was seen blowing up empty mail trucks with some type of 'Sonic Obliterator.'" The reporter continues, "Much of the city is in ruins, as the dog blasted through building to escape police and National Guard pursuit." Dogbert says to Dilbert, "On the plus side, we have a much better shortcut to the post office."
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Just great . . . You've destroyed half of the city with my 'Sonic Obliterator' invention . . ." Dilbert continues, "You're being pursued by the police, FBI and National Guard . . . I TRUSTED you. Is there anything you'd like to say to me?" Dogbert replies, "Oh, yeah, thank you very much for letting me borrow the Obliterator . . . It's been great . . . Can I use it again tomorrow?"
Bob the Dinosaur sits across from a man and a woman who are interviewing him. The man says, "Before we hire you as our babysitter, we want to test how a dinosaur like you would respond to a variety of emergency scenarios." The man asks, "What if there's a fire?" Bob replies, "Dial 911." The man asks, "Burglary?" Bob answers, "Dial 911." The man asks, "Injury?" Bob replies, "Dial 911." The man asks, "Poisoning?" Bob replies, "Dial 911." The man asks, "Giant asteroid collides with earth and triggers an ice age?" Bob says, "Oh, wow . . . I'm drawing a complete blank here . . ."