Industry Average Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

113 Results for Industry Average

View 71 - 80 results for industry average comic strips. Discover the best "Industry Average" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 2009's comic on:


Tags #asking, #project, #complaining, #time, #work, #cruel, #mean

View Transcript

Transcript

the Boss says, "I need you to write a white paper for an industry trade association." Dilbert says, "Fine, but that will leave me with less time to work on my project." The Boss says, "Do the trade association stuff during your unproductive time." Dilbert says, "What exactly is my 'Unproductive time'?" The Boss says ,"It goes by many names, including sleep, leisure and healthy lifestyle." Dilbert says, "If I do less of those things it will reduce the quality of my life below the point at which good hygiene has any utility." The Boss says, "I don't want to make out with your. I just want you to work harder for no extra money." The Boss thinks, "I spend too much time explaining the obvious."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 25, 2010's comic on:


Tags #new vice president of engineering, #meeting, #introduce, #full body, #face front, #pointy hair, #lack of experience, #exotic, #over selling, #mustache, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Meet our new vice president of engineering." The Boss says, "We're lucky to have him despite his utter lack of experience in our industry." The Boss says, "Some might call him unqualified, but I call him exotic." Vice President says, "You're over-selling."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #suicide, #face front, #web only, #company, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says, "You're a third-rate company in a dying industry." Dogbert says, "I recommend consultant-assisted corporate suicide." The Boss says, "Will it hurt?" Dogbert says, "It might sting a little when you announce your'e going to be a web-only company."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 2010's comic on:


Tags #new head regulator, #small man, #pocket, #pet head, #breast feed, #lactate, #kibble, #drinks, #ceo

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO says, "Have you met the new head regulator for our industry?" CEO says, "At first it was inconvenient to feed him." CEO says, "Luckily I started lactating." Man says, "Have you tried kibble?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 03, 2010's comic on:


Tags #work, #depressed, #cubicle, #take off jacket, #sit at computer, #powerpoint slides, #happy, #devil, #giant spoon, #prince of insufficient light

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "What fantasy will I use today to stave off madness?" Dilbert says, "Maybe I'll be 'the man who changed an industry with his powerpoint slides.'" Phil says, "I have a report of unauthorized happiness inside of a head."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2010's comic on:


Tags #experinced, #industry, #technology, #youth oriented, #culture, #modem, #hit with modem, #new technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Old man: I know what Im talking about. I have thirty years in this industry! Asok: How does that help you understand technology that is six months old in a youth oriented culture? Old man: GRRR... ASOK: Please don't hit me with your modem.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #deterioration, #recessions, #20%, #competitive, #industry, #involve crime

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our goal is to grow the top line by 20%. Dilbert: How will we do that with products that aren't competitive in an industry that isn't growing? Wally: Does it involve crime? Dilbert: If it does, blink once.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 03, 2011's comic on:


Tags #commerce, #optimism, #patents, #patent infringement, #google, #apple, #microsoft, #oracle, #nasa, #astroid, #life span of optimist, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Lawyer: Our newest product infringes patents from Google, Apple, Microsoft, and Oracle. They've joined forces and hired NASA to nudge an asteroid toward our headquarters. Boss: I think we can win this. Lawyer: I wonder what the average life span of an optimist is.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2011's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #goals for the year, #assignments, #average raise, #invent nuclear fusion, #lack of knowledge

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm getting writer's block trying to come up with your goals for the year. Dilbert: Just write anything. We both know I'll ignore the goals and work on whatever you assign to me. Boss: How will I know if you do a good job if you don't have goals? Dilbert: Same way as always. You'll compare your lack of knowledge about what I did to the goals you imagine you might have created if you could have seen the future. Then you'll give me an average raise just like everyone else who didn't invent nuclear fusion. Boss: Works for me. Dilbert: It's better to not overthink these things.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 2011's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #gadgets, #hardware, #robotic arms, #hold coffee cups, #industry changing products

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: One percent of engineers create all of the industry - changing products. I propose replacing the other 99% with robotic arms that hold coffee cups. You won't see any of the laggards in the 99% come up with great ideas like this one.