Key Board Comic Strips - Page 8

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177 Results for Key Board

View 71 - 80 results for key board comic strips. Discover the best "Key Board" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 2001's comic on:


Tags #magazine, #key to success, #optimistic, #fail, #point succeeding, #feels good

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The boss says to Dilbert, "The key to success is to remain optimistic even when you fail." Dilbert says, "What's the point of succeeding if failing feels good too?" The boss says, "I'll read another page of the magazine article tomorrow and get back to you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2001's comic on:


Tags #recommend vendor, #internal debvelopers, #play out, #outside vendor, #clueless weasel, #begin work, #sign contract, #internal weasels complain, #use, #steaming mounds, #worthless code, #plan too much, #practiced yesterday

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Dilbert stands before the Boss giving a presentation. Dilbert says, "...And that's why I recommend using this vendor." The Boss asks, "Why don't we use our internal developers?" Dilbert replies, "Let me explain how this will play out." Dilbert begins drawing a diagram on the board. Dilbert says, "Step One: We select an outside vendor because our internal developers are clueless weasels." Dilbert continues, "Step Two: We sign a contract and begin work." Dilbert says, "Step Three: Our internal weasels complain to our VP and she order us to use them." Dilbert continues drawing a complex diagram on the board. Dilbert says, "Step Four: The outside vendor sues us while our weasels grunt out steaming mounds of worthless code." Dilbert returns home to Dogbert. Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Do I plan too much?" Dogbert says, "Is this the conversation we practiced yesterday?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 2001's comic on:


Tags #layoffs, #fly on wall, #poof, #wally as fly, #rational budget decions, #who do we hate, #fly eating donut, #mean, #board of directors

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Dilbert and Wally stand in the hallway looking into the conference room where the Boss is having a meeting. Dilbert says, "They must be talking about the layoffs." Wally says, "I'd like to be a fly on that wall." Suddenly, "Poof!" and Wally is turned into a fly. Wally is seen in fly form, with his head on a fly's body. He says, "Great...the one time I get my wish..." Wally flies into the room as the Boss says, "Let's focus on our priorities and make rational budget decisions." The whole room erupts in laughter: "Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!" The Boss continues speaking as Wally flies in close to his coffee and donut. The Boss says, "Back to reality. I'll fire Ted; he creeps me out. Who else do we hate?" Wally lands on the donut as the Boss says, "Hey, my donut is gettting eaten by the world's ugliest fly!" Wally says, "Bonanza!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 2001's comic on:


Tags #key employees, #Catbert, #write in, #insane, #hr department, #interoffice envelope, #same job as enevelope, #funkey, #downsize employees

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The Boss hands a piece of paper to Carol and says, "Carol, take this list of key employees to Catbert." Carol looks at the list and says, "I don't see my name on here. Should I write it in?" The Boss responds, "Um.. no. You're not a key employee." Carol stands up and screams, "What?! Are you insane?!! If I'M not key, who is?" She continues, "Do you think this list can walk to the H.R. department on its own?" The Boss responds, "Well, I could put it in an interoffice envelope and mail it." He continues, "Basically, you have the same job as an envelope." Carol hands Catbert the list. Catbert asks, "Why do I need to downsize these employees?" To which Carol answers, "Because they're funKEY, just like it says."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2001's comic on:


Tags #ergonomic evaluation, #key board, #supposed to hurt, #feel hands, #whole body numb

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The Boss is sitting at his desk. Asok the intern asks stiffly, "May I have an ergonomic evaluation of my chair and keyboard?" The Boss responds, "Asok, work is supposed to hurt. That's how you know you're doing it right." Asok exclaims, "I can't feel my hands!" To which The Boss replies, "My whole body is numb!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 2002's comic on:


Tags #key card, #tailgate, #network password, #voicemail, #stop working

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An employee says, "What a day I'm having. First my key card doesn't work, so I have to tailgate into the building." The employee continues, "Then my network password doesn't work. Now my voicemail doesn't work!" The Boss grins as the employee continues, "Is it possible for anything else to stop working today?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 2002's comic on:


Tags #technically impossible, #costs less, #much cheaper, #plan one or two, #engineers

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "Both plans are technically impossible." The Boss responds, "Which one costs less?" Dilbert says, "Um... I don't see how that matters, but plan one is cheaper." The Boss reports to his manager, "Plan one is the best." The manager responds, "I'll take it to our V.P." The manager is meeting with an associate. The associate says, "I like plan two." The manager replies, "Great minds think alike!" The associate approaches the V.P. The V.P. says, "Excellent. Ask one of our engineers to present plan two to the board." The Boss approaches Dilbert and says, "Guess what." Dilbert says to Wally, "Every day I make the world a little bit worse." Wally responds, "What's it like to make a difference?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 2002's comic on:


Tags #software, #week, #ordering system, #honeymoon, #two weeks, #parole board, #outside system, #engineering

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Dilbert says into the phone, "And I need the software in a week." The voice on the other end of the line says, "Cheryl is the only one who knows the ordering system." The woman on the other end of the line says into the phone, "She's on her honeymoon for two weeks. You need CFO approval to buy software outside the system." Dilbert responds, "Fine. I'll talk to the CFO. When will he be available?" The voice responds, "Depends on the parole board."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 2002's comic on:


Tags #new ceo, #robbed us, #breaking law, #written opinion, #tax lawyer, #board of directors, #loading van

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Dilbert is at home and still has his wrists bound. He says to Dogbert, "Then our new CEO backed up a moving van to the building and robbed us." Dilbert continues, "At first we thought he was breaking the law, but he had a written opinion from his tax lawyer saying it was probably okay." Dogbert asks, "What did the board of directors do?" Dilbert replies, "After loading the van?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2002's comic on:


Tags #reducing inventory, #sell to cutomers, #feel free, #tell board, #idea

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The Boss asks Wally and Dilbert, "Does anyone have a suggestion for reducing our inventory?" Wally responds, "Let's sell it to our customers." The Boss asks, "Would that work?" Wally replies, "Feel free to tell the board that it's your idea."