Might Hurt Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

445 Results for Might Hurt

View 71 - 80 results for might hurt comic strips. Discover the best "Might Hurt" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #take a contract, #please review, #copies, #original, #cannot approve, #obstruction of dogs, #fits any situation, #absurd logic

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I have to take a contract to our company lawyer. I need your help, Dogbert." Dilbert and Dogbert sit in front of a lawyer's desk. Dilbert says, "Please review this contract. I need it today." The attorney replies, "Give me all of your copies plus the original then go away." Dogbert screams, "Don't do it! He plans to lose them!!" Dilbert says, "Good dog!" The lawyer says, "Dang!" The lawyer looks at the contract and says, "I can't approve this. Somebody might sue us for no good reason." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "That's true with any contract. Isn't he using absurd logic?" Dogbert replies, "Let's find out." Dogbert stands on his chair and shouts, "Approve the contract now or I'll sue you for obstruction of dogs!!" The lawyer says, "Okay okay." Dilbert says, "Wow." Dogbert says, "The great thing about absurd logic is that it fits any situation."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dilbert needs staples, #asks secreatry, #need order number, #supply catalog, #wally borrowed, #wally needs help, #alice needs meeting, #new vendor, #almost stapled

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert asks a secretary, "Helen, do you have any staples in the supply cabinet?" Helen replies, "No, I only stock the basics: cheap pens with green ink, big jars of glue and ribbons for obsolete printers." Dilbert asks, "Could you order some staples?" Helen says, "You need to give me the order number." Dilbert says, "Okay. Can I see your supply catalog?" Helen replies, "Wally borrowed it." Dilbert covers his eyes and sobs. The phone rings and Helen says, "I'd better get that; it might be personal." Dilbert stands in the doorway and says, "Wally, do you have the . . ." Wally interrupts, "I need your help with this. Pull up a chair." Alice appears and says, "I need both of you to come talk to a vendor that we'll never use." Dilbert arrives at home and tells Dogbert, "Thanks to teamwork, I almost stapled something today." Dogbert says, "I'm so proud to know you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #worked all night, #presentation package, #date on page, #color transparencies, #no reason to date, #clutter page, #dumb idea by boss, #no calendars, #brain exploded, #february 30th

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "I worked all night but I finished the presentation package you wanted." The Boss looks at a transparency and says, "Put the presentation date on each page." Dilbert says, "Those are color transparencies. It would take hours and cost hundreds of dollars to reprint them." Dilbert continues, "There's no reason to date them. In fact, it would limit future use and clutter the page." Dilbert continues, "But since you're incapable of admitting error . . ." Dilbert bows and continues, "I eagerly await your bizarre, other-worldly explanation for putting the date on each page." The Boss says, "Some people might not have calendars and we have to make sure it's not a holiday." There is an explosion. A cloud of smoke hovers where Dilbert's head should be. Dilbert says, "Ouch. My brain exploded." The Boss says, "The first presentation is February 30th . . ."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #undefined acronyms, #lower opinion, #communication skills, #complex pictures

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands beside an overhead projector. He says, "This next transparency is an incomprehensible jumble of complexity and undefined acronyms." Dilbert continues, "You might wonder why I'm going to show it to you since the only possible result is to lower your opinion of my communication skills." Dilbert points at the diagrams and says, "Frankly, it's because I like making complex pictures more than I like you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mister catbert, #total compensation plan, #salary alone, #danger, #balances out, #employee benefits, #lower blood pressure, #rubbing soft belly, #trick, #health benefit

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Catbert, Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Mister Catbert will explain our new 'total compensation plan' for excellence." Catbert says, "We no longer view compensation in the narrow terms of salary alone." Dilbert, Alice and Wally think, "Danger! Danger!" Catbert continues, "If employee benefits go up, then salaries can go down and it all balances out." Catbert lies on the table and says, "For example, did you know you could lower your blood pressure by rubbing my soft, furry belly?" Alice says, "It might be a trick!" Wally thinks, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" Wally rubs Catbert's stomach and Catbert shouts, "Ha ha ha!!! It's a health benefit! Now I'll cut everybody's salary!" Dilbert, Alice and Wally look shocked and their hair and clothing is disheveled. Dilbert says, "I've noticed that the more health benefits I get, the worse I feel."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #leadership, #air traffic control system, #on time, #under budget, #feature creep, #dangerous, #wall clock

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on an air traffic control panel. He says to the Boss, "Thanks to my leadership, the new air traffic control system is designed on time and under budget." Dogbert continues, "I had to cut a few corners. This big radar-looking thing is a wall clock. And most of the buttons are glued on." The Boss says, "It looks like it might be um . . . dangerous." Dogbert says angrily, "Great . . . I finish early and what do I get: 'feature creep.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #software development work, #tiny nation, #elbonia, #integrating software, #existing systems, #tuberculosis vaccination

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice says to Dilbert, "I heard that our software development work has been moved to the tiny nation of Elbonia." Dilbert responds, "Things can't get worse than that." The Boss approaches Dilbert and says, "Dilbert, you're in charge of integrating the Elbonian's software with our existing systems." Dilbert looks stunned. Dilbert says to Alice, "Okay, NOW it can't get any worse." The Boss adds, "You might want to get a tuberculosis vaccination."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internal job postings, #experience required, #eric, #potbellied, #near sighted, #red ford bronco

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert looks over Alice's shoulder at her monitor. Alice points to the screen and says, "The internal job postings are out. Here's a job I'd love." Alice reads, "Experience required: the candidate must be a guy named Eric, pot-bellied, nearsighted, must drive a red Ford Bronco." Dilbert says, "They might have someone in mind already." Alice says, "If I squint . . . and leave my 'control top' pantyhose at home . . ."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #catbert hr driector, #new employees, #always quit, #reapply, #old job, #higher salary, #catnip, #rubbing body

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally sits across from Catbert's desk. Catbert says, "Wally, it might not seem fair that new employees are paid more than you . . ." Catbert continues, "But you could always quit and then reapply for your old job at a higher salary." Wally says angrily, "I just might do that!!" Catbert says, "Would you mind rubbing this catnip all over your body first?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blood suckers, #coworkers, #famous novelist, #lowly tech writer, #scathing email messages, #write a book, #write witty, #dogcart career counselor

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina the Tech Writer sits at a table with Dogbert. Tina says, "I'm a lowly technical writer now, but my goal is to become a famous novelist." Tina continues, "My plan is to write witty and scathing e-mail messages about co-workers until a publisher gives me an advance." Dogbert says, "They might expect you to write a book at some point." Tina yells, "Blood suckers!"