Monitor Health Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

228 Results for Monitor Health

View 71 - 80 results for monitor health comic strips. Discover the best "Monitor Health" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 14, 1997's comic on:


Tags #beg food, #carpet, #cubicle, #dog collar, #invisible boundary, #mark boundary, #mild shock, #new guy, #new hire, #offcie, #high tech device

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss and Bruce walk by a cubicle. The Boss says, "We don't have a cubicle available for you yet, Bruce." The Boss says, "So I'm declaring this part of the carpet to be your office." The Boss says, "If someone goes to a meeting, you can sneak into his cubicle and use the phone." The Boss says, "Our computer budget is gone, but we have an old monitor that you can put on top of your briefcase." Bruce says, "Can I put tape on the carpet to mark my boundary?" The Boss says, "That won't be necessary, thanks to this hi-tech device." Bruce says, "A dog collar?" The Boss puts the collar around Bruce's neck. The Boss says, "It will give a mild shock if you cross your invisible boundary." Alice says, "The new guy hasn't left that spot for a week." Dilbert says, "Wally taught him to beg for food."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 1998's comic on:


Tags #career talk, #boss, #office, #work you, #health deteriorates, #obsolete, #downsize, #plan work fast, #ill

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stadns in front of the Boss who is sitting at his desk. Dilbert says, "I'd like to talk about my career path." The Boss says, "Okay." The Boss says, "My plan is to work you until your health deteriorates and your skills are obsolete. Then we'll downsize you." Dilbert holds his stomach and says, "I'm ill." The Boss says, "Really? I've never had a plan work this fast before."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 1998's comic on:


Tags #happy birthday alice, #gift, #charity money, #team spitit, #ash tray, #dont smoke, #ashtray as gift

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice and Dilbert sit at a table. Wally stands at the table. Wally says, "Happy Birthday Alice!" Dilbert gives Alice a gift. Wally says, "I was planning to get a gift..." Wally continues, "But then I thought...". Alice takes the gift from Dilbert. Wally says, "Why not give the money to a charity in Alice's name?" Alice asks, "Really? Which charity?" Wally says, "Ummm...'The United Society of Poor People with Major Health Problems'." Alice opens Dilbert's gift. Alice says, "...And Dilbert got me an ashtray even though I don't smoke." Dilbert says, "You don't?" Wally and Dilbert sit at the table. Alice's seat is empty. Alice has left her gift on the table. Wally says, "They say this sort of thing builds team spirit." Dilbert says, "It must be gradual."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 1998's comic on:


Tags #project staus, #budget cuts, #new prodcut, #user interface, #target market, #too shy, #bad sign, #no laws, #do for living

View Transcript

Transcript

Project Status: Dilbert is giving a presentation. He points to the overhead projection. He says, "Due to budget cuts, our new product will have no user interface." The projection shows a blank computer monitor. Dilbert continues, "Our target market is people who are too shy to return products." The projection is of a person blushing. Dilbert comes home carrying his brief case. He says to Dogbert, "Is it a bad sign if you spend the day wondering why there are no laws against what you do for a living?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 1998's comic on:


Tags #sales conference, #presentation, #no user interface, #computer, #no bulky user manual, #power outage, #good from evil, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Sales Conference: Dilbert and Wally are giving a presentation. Dilbert points to a blank computer monitor and says, "Here's the product you'll be selling next quarter." Wally says, "It has NO user interface!" Wally says, 'That means no bulky user manual. And no loss of function during a power outage!" Dilbert carries the monitor away and says, "You were right. Our sales people can't distinguish good from evil." Wally stretches his mouth open with his fingers and says, "I strained a smile muscle." Behind them, the sales people applaud (clap, clap, clap).

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 1998's comic on:


Tags #cofffee, #tired, #downward spiral, #immobile, #bring coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stares at his computer screen and thinks, "I need coffee." He continues, "But I'm too tired to go get it." Dilbert leans back and thinks frantically, "I'm in a downward spiral!" Dilbert hangs limply in his chair as he thinks, "My arms go limp. The antidote is only yards away but I am immobile." Ted walks by Dilbert's cubicle as Dibert thinks, "Maybe someone will notice and bring coffee." Alice and Wally lean into Dilbert's cubicle and Dilbert thinks, "My co-workers found me. I'm saved!" Wally and Alice walk out of Dilbert's cubicle carrying his monitor and computer. Dilbert stands in front of Dogbert naked with something on his face. Dilbert explains, "As the frenzied mob ripped off my trousers, someone spilled coffee on me." Dogbert replies, "Wow, lucky."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 1998's comic on:


Tags #dogebert the ceo, #united charities, #honored, #company health plan, #leadership, #free clinics

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption: Dogbert the C.E.O. Dogbert sits at desk while lady says, "The 'United Charities' would like you to be chairman this year." Dogbert says, "I'd be honored. Oh, and while you're up, cancel the company health plan." Caption: One week later... Man at podium that reads 'United Charities' presents Dogbert an award. Man says, "Under his leadership, our free clinics have handled TWICE as many people." Dogbert accepts the award and responds, "Thank you."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 1998's comic on:


Tags #dogberts tech support, #software, #cat scan machine, #break room, #insert head, #trickster dogbert, #prnak, #cowoorker, #labor market, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption: Dogbert's Tech Support Dogbert on phone with Tech Support guy. Dogbert sitting at computer terminal with hand on mouse. Dogbert says, "Our software is perfect. The problem must be with you." Tech Support guy on phone with Dogbert. Dogbert continues, "Go to the cat scan machine in the break room and insert your head. I'll monitor you from here." Wally watches as Tech Support guy inserts his head into microwave. Tech Support guy says, "Do you see the problem?" Wally says, "I blame the tight labor market."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 1998's comic on:


Tags #sharing hotel rooms, #business trips, #before sleep, #exercise, #room, #beds, #health

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Wally holding their suitcases entering their hotel room. Dilbert says, "I hate sharing a hotel room on business trips." Wally and Dilbert unpacking their suitcases on separate beds. Wally says, "I need to do my exercises before I go to sleep. Do you mind?" Wally says, "I'm still a bit winded from yesterday." Dilbert, while holding his pants, responds, "There are so many ways that this could be bad."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 1998's comic on:


Tags #ratbert the consultant, #newest partner, #least desirable assisngments, #consultant cannon, #monitor progress

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption: Ratbert the consultant. Man in suspenders says, "As our newest partner, you'll get the least desireable assignments." Man in suspenders says, "We'll load you in the consultant cannon, shoot you to the client's site and monitor your progress." He loads Ratbert, who wears a hemlet, into a cannon. Ratbert says, "The window is more to the left." The man moves the cannon. The man in suspenders says, "The client is more to the right."