My Value Comic Strips - Page 8
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136 Results for My Value
View 71 - 80 results for my value comic strips. Discover the best "My Value" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday April 06,
2007
Monday June 04,
2007
Tags #factory, #elbonia, #stock swap, #reached agreement, #rebels, #company value, #terrorits, #indirectly
Transcript
Dilbert: "I reached an agreement with the rebels so they won't attack our factory in Elbonia." "It's a stock swap. Every time they collect a ransom, the value of our company will increase." The Boss: "Doesn't that make us terrorists?" Dilbert: "Very indirectly."
Sunday July 15,
2007
Tags #unqualified, #position, #job, #higher salray, #negotiate riase, #irrational dipwad, #easily manipulated, #bogus compariosns, #illusion of scaricity, #can't have you, #desparate to hire, #rationalizations, #total lack of qaulifications, #write the offer, #business
Transcript
"No offense, but you're totally unqualified for this position." Wally: "That's okay. I already have a job." "I just need a job offer at a higher salary so I can use it to negotiate for a raise." Wally: "My boss is an irrational dipwad who is easily manipulated by bogus comparisons and the illusion of scarcity." Wally: "Your offer will make him think my value is much higher than it actually is." "Great. Now that I know I can't have you, I desperately want to hire you." "My mind is already forming rationalizations for your total lack of qualifications!" "How do you turn this off?!!" Wally: "I'll tell you after you write the offer."
Friday August 24,
2007
Tags #future product features, #3 priorities, #essential, #critical, #must have, #pretend to add value
Transcript
Dilbert: "As you requested, I sorted the future product features into three priorities." "Let me know which group I should stop working on." Essential Critical Must-Have "This is the part where you pretend to add value."
Thursday October 11,
2007
Tags #unqualified crony, #quality control group, #value loyalty, #great leader, #extra disloyal
Transcript
The Boss: I hired an unqualified crony to run our quality control group. "I value loyalty over competence. That's the sign of a great leader." Dilbert: "Do you see any problem with that?" The Boss: "It makes you look extra disloyal?"
Monday January 21,
2008
Tags #functioned as incubator, #innovations, #contributions, #incubating brains
Transcript
Wally: this week I functioned as an incubator of innovations for contributions to the value chain. To the observer, it looks as if I am doing nothing, but on the inside, I am incubating my brains out. The Boss: It doesn't count unless it hurts. Wally: It hurts plenty.
Friday March 28,
2008
Tags #illusion of value, #meeting, #obvious, #maintain illusion, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: It's obvious what I need to do next. But I'll let you tell me so you can maintain the illusion of value. The Boss: stop being this way. Dilbert: I saw that coming a mile away."
Thursday May 01,
2008
Tags #blather, #died inprocess, #grossly overpaid, #thwarted takeover
Transcript
Dogbert: I thwarted the hostile takeover bid, but your CEO died in the process. Dogbert: I'll find you someone else to blather about quality while being grossly overpaid. Dogbert: I like your look, but can you blather?" Man: Quality is my global added value!"
Saturday November 22,
2008
Tags #date, #perfect, #low entertainment value, #use our phones, #surf the internet, #call it a date, #perfect woman
Transcript
Tina: This conversation has a low entertainment value. Let's just use our phones to surf the internet, and call it a date. Dilbert: I don't use the phrase "perfect woman" often... Tina: Shhh
Tuesday December 16,
2008
Tags #office workers, #valuable, #value, #legacy system, #less valuable, #never appear less valuable, #dress code troll
Transcript
Dilbert: I worry that being assigned to work on the legacy systems will make me appear less valuable in the future. Catbert: You have my word that you could never appear less valuable than you are now. Gilbert: Why do your assurances make me feel worse? Catbert: Your new dress code is "troll."