Performance Review Comic Strips - Page 8
238 Results for Performance Review
View 71 - 80 results for performance review comic strips. Discover the best "Performance Review" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share March 29, 1998's comic on:
Alice is sitting at the Boss's desk. He tells her, "I can only give you a two percent raise this year, Alice." He adds, "Because your job was not very challenging." Alice asks, "How could you possibly not think it was challenging?" The Boss replies, "You exceeded all your goals without complaining." The Boss adds, "Compare that to Wally's performance. He complained all year." The Boss: "And he missed every goal! Now THAT'S a challenging job!" Alice shouts, "Wally is a filthy weasel!!!" As Alice leaves, furious, the Boss adds, "Maybe his hygiene isn't the best, but he was right when he said you would stab him in the back."
Share June 27, 1998's comic on:
Caption: Dogbert the C.E.O. Dogbert sits at desk. An investment banker stands across from him. Banker says, "I'm an investment banker. I can help you loot this place and escape." Banker sits next to Dogbert and reviews some material with him. Banker says, "You'll maerge with my other client company. Your golden parachute kicks in. Then you exercise your stock options on the uptick." Alice and Dilbert review merger announcement. Alice says, "You rarely see a merger announcement with the phrase, 'So long suckers.'" Dilbert softly says, "Ouch."
Share August 02, 1998's comic on:
Caption reads: "Performance Review." The Boss says, "Let's see how many of your objectives you met." Dilbert asks, "What objectives?" The Boss looks at a piece of pape and says, "Didn't you know you had objectives?" Dilbert replies, "I don't see how I would have had time to work on objectives." Dilbert continues, "My schedule was packed." The Boss asks, "Doing what?" Dilbert replies, "Every morning you leave things on my chair with a sign that says, 'Urgent: Handle this.'" The Boss replies, "No I don't." Dilbert walks into Wally's cubicle and says, "Wally, can I see a sample of your handwriting?" Wally thinks, "Uh-oh."
Share August 05, 1998's comic on:
Caption: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert sits behind a desk, a women sits on the other side. The woman says, "I'm grossly underpaid for the type of work I do now." Catbert says, "Write a description of your current duties. I'll be happy to do a compensation review." Caption: Based on a true story. Catbert says, "Sadly, it appears you're not qualified for your own job. But one of your subordinates is." Woman's eyes widen.
Share August 18, 1998's comic on:
Wally sits at his computer. Tina the Tech Writer says, "Wally did review my draft of the user manual yet?" Wally says, "The characters in the examples gave me no reason to care about them. It left me empty." Wally gives Tina the papers. Tina the tech writer sits at her computer. Tina writes, "Sadly, user "B" could never love user "A" because he was a bald engineer."
Share August 26, 1998's comic on:
The boss and Dlbert sit at the Boss' desk, The Boss says, "Your performance was excellent, but there's no bonus this year." Dilbert says,"Why not?" The Boss says, "The company lost a fortune in the Elbonian currency collapse." The Boss says, "But in a way, it's your own fault for working here." Dilbert says,"Thanks. That takes the sting out."
Share September 22, 1998's comic on:
Caption: Catbert: H.R. Director Catbert stands on the top of a chair talking to the boss. Catbert says, "You can improve an employee's performance by making him feel bad about himself." The Boss says, "So, although that wouldn't work on me, it works fine on other people?" Catbert says, "Exactly." The boss stands behind Dilbert and reads from a piece of paper. The Boss says, "I'll read your faults one at a time. Tell me when your performance improves."
Share November 08, 1998's comic on:
Wally sits in the Boss' office. The Boss says, "Wally, you haven't done any actual work in years, and yet we continue to pay you." Wally says, "Have I said thanks?" The Boss replies, "I'd fire you, but your performance reviews are all 'excellents." The Boss continues, "So, my plan is to make your job a living hell until you quit." Wally raises his fist and says, "You'll never win! My standards are lower than you can imagine!" The Boss says, "I'll start by moving you to a smaller cubicle." Wally crosses his arms and says, "Is that the best you got? Ha! Ha! Ha!" Wally is in a bathroom stall on the phone. He says, "Mom, guess who got an office with a door!"
Share January 09, 1999's comic on:
Alice sits in the boss' office. The boss says, "Alice, your performance exceeded all expectations this year." The boss says, "But I'm not giving you a top rating because I want you to have something to shoot for." The boss says, "It's always good to have something to shoot for." Alice walks away. Alice says, "Stay here while I get my harpoon."
Share April 04, 1999's comic on:
The Boss and a woman approach Dilbert. The Boss says, "Dilbert, this is Peggy the P.R. Director." The Boss continues, "I want you to review her press release for technical accuracy." Peggy presents a document to Dilbert. Dilbert sits and reads it. Peggy watches his reaction. Dilbert asks, "Who wrote this? A trained squirrel?" He continues, "I don't know where to begin." Peggy gets angry as Dilbert takes a pen to the press release. Dilbert says, "I'll cross out the run-on sentences and transparent lies first." Dilbert continues, "Then the failed attempts at cuteness... the spelling errors... grammar." Dilbert returns the press release to a Peggy, who is furious. Dilbert adds, "There you go. Remember, criticism makes you stronger." Dilbert is at home how, clothes torn to shreds, arm in a sling, head bandaged. To Dogbert, he says, "It was a mistake to make her stronger."