Catbert Comic Strips - Page 8
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655 Results for Catbert
View 71 - 80 results for Catbert comic strips. Discover the best "Catbert" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday September 18,
2016
Tags executives, robot, technology, fairness, unfair, golden parachute, oblivioiusness
Transcript
CEO: The good news is that none of you will lose your jobs to robots. But a robot will take my job next week. I'll retire with an enormous severance package and live out my days in splendor. Meanwhile, the robot that takes my job will be working all of you to death. Robots are natural leaders because they don't care about your feelings. You will experience mental and physical misery on a scale the world hasn't seen since slavery was legal. But hey, it's better than losing your job to a robot. Am I right? Apparently, nothing makes them happy.
Saturday September 10,
2016
Accused Of Forgery
Tags motivation, performance, forgery, pessimism, giving up, resistance
Transcript
Catbert: You stand accused of forging an expense approval from the head of Marketing. Your malfeasance caused the project to finish on time and under budget. Next time, just give up and lose hope like everyone else. Dilbert: Will do.
Tuesday August 23,
2016
Wally Self Identifies As A Woman
Tags trans, transgender, gimmick
Transcript
Catbert: I heard that you self-identify as a woman. Wally: No, I don't. Catbert: Well, I need you to do that so the company can be supportive and win some awards for being a great place to work. Dilbert: Because why? Wally: I got my own bathroom.
Wednesday August 17,
2016
A System For Transferring Mistakes
Tags blame, mistake, boss, review, human resources, revenge, business
Transcript
Boss: Make sure we get all of the cost savings that our vendor promised with our new software. Dilbert: Those savings are not real. The vendor lied to you because you know nothing about technology. Boss: If only I had some way to turn my mistake into his mistake. Catbert: It's called a performance review.
Tuesday July 26,
2016
Wally's Cousin Ronnie Dies
Tags human resources, hr, funeral, time off, bereavement, business
Transcript
Wally: I need to take some bereavement time, with pay, because my cousin Ronnie died. Catbert: Cousins don't count unless you married one. Wally: We were domestic partners. What's the police on that, you bigot?
Friday July 08,
2016
Ted Has No Family
Tags human resources, judgement, deciding, business
Transcript
Catbert: Ted went on extended disability because a fly went up his nose and laid eggs. Boss: I want to be green, but I don't know if I should side with the fly or the employee in this situation. Catbert: Well, for what it's worth, Ted doesn't have a family, but the fly does.
Thursday July 07,
2016
Pregnant Fly
Tags safety, accident, osha, hazard, work environment
Transcript
Ted: I was walking past the employee ping-pong table and took one in the eye. This is an unsafe work environment. Gaaa!!! A fly went up my nose! Catbert: It looked pregnant.
Friday July 01,
2016
Wally's Useless Nonsense
Tags laziness, work ethic, strategy
Transcript
Catbert: There's a rumor that you use a chatbot to reply to email with useless nonsense. Wally: You can't prove that because I've always answered my email with useless nonsense. Catbert: That was disturbingly well-played. Wally: It's all about creating the base case.
Thursday May 26,
2016
Wally Gets Referral Money
Tags bonus, con, deception, hiring, money, referral, scheme, guest artist, jake tapper
Transcript
Wally: Stop! Why are you here? Man: I have an interview for a job as an engineer. Wally: My name is Wally. Tell Human Resources I referred you ad I'll get a $1,000 bonus. Boss: Have you noticed that all of our new hires were referred by the same person? Catbert: Sounds like we found our Employee Of The Year!
Tuesday May 17,
2016
Boss Figures Out A System
Tags management, managing, problems, work, workload, solution, problem-solving
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm bored. Boss: Here's some more work. Alice: I'm overwhelmed with work. Boss: Here's some more work. Boss: Managing was hard until I figured out a system.


