Annual Performance Comic Strips - Page 8

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203 Results for Annual Performance

View 71 - 80 results for annual performance comic strips. Discover the best "Annual Performance" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fish, #microwave, #stink, #offcie, #impossible, #microwave things that smell bad, #job performance, #slippery slope, #socioathy, #liberating feeling, #felt bad, #extra fish, #animals

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Carol says, "Where are you going with that fish?" Wally says, "I'm going to microwave it." Carol says, "That will stink up the office and make it impossible for anyone else to enjoy life." Carol says, "Isn't there something else you could eat?" Wally says, "I'm not going to eat it. I just like to microwave things that smell bad." Wally says, "After I stopped caring about my job performance, it was a slippery slope to complete sociopathy." Wally says, "It's a liberating feeling. I can't remember the last time I felt bad." Carol says, "Do you have an extra fish?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ergonomically correct, #evil director, #human services, #job perfomance, #chairs, #wellness related

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "Our concern for wellness is related to your job performance." Catbert says, "Obviously you won't be getting an ergonomically correct chair any time soon." Catbert says, "And feel free to type as hard as you want."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #position eleiminated, #performance, #not told, #position, #no explination, #just a trick, #feel less awkward, #hot replacement

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The Boss says, "Ted, your position is being eliminated." Ted says, "What? You never told me there was anything wrong with my performance!" The Boss says, "It's not about your performance. Your position is being eliminated." Ted says, "Well, that seems mighty convenient." Ted says, "This way you can replace me without explaining why I never got a bad performance review." Ted says, "is this just a trick to make you feel less awkward while firing me?" A woman says, "I thought you said he'd be gone by now." The Boss says, "Is there any comfort in knowing your replacement is totally hot?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cansisate, #resume, #spelling errors, #hire a moron, #poor perfromance, #bigger reaise, #interview skills, #crazy good, #manipulate, #job interview

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Dilbert: "Your resume is riddled with spelling errors. Why should we hire a moron?" Candidate: "My poor performance would make you look good in comparison. you'll get a bigger raise if I work here." The boss: "What do you think of him?" Dilbert: "Well, his interview skills are crazy good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #typo in budget, #2 things, #can't buy, #hardware, #software, #boss, #offcie, #engineering

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The Boss: "I made a typo in my annual budget request, but don't worry." "There are only two things you can't buy for the test lab this year." "Hardware and software."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executive golf tournamnet, #cigar smokers, #foursome, #golf cart, #gas leak, #baked lunch, #beans, #flint

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Carol: "I finished planning the annual executive golf tournament." "I put all of the cigar smokers in your foursome in case your golf cart has a gas leak." "Lunch is baked beans and sauerkraut, and I bought you some golf balls made of flint."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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I got a text message from our boss. "'Keep up wrk'" "What does that mean?" "You just got your annual performance review."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Dilbert, meet your new coworker, Phil O'Dendron." "Phil is a potted plant. He'll sit in your cubicle all day while you try to work." "Does it talk?" "He has three stories that he repeats in an infinite loop." "He'll begin with his reasons for why you should use his tax guy." "Then he'll do a recap of recent reality TV shows." "And last but not least, 'The way we did it at my last job.'" sob "How do you plan to cut expenses?" "Well, performance bonuses are under control."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Your management performance has been abysmal. I'm afraid I have to minimize you. "Minimize? Is that like downsize?" "Downsizing is only for non-managers." "Abysmal managers get minimized. Follow me." "Your new office is the size of a refrigerator crisper." "You will have no direct reports and your job title will be 'Director of Unnecessary and Special Projects.'" "Can I ever be maximized?" "Maybe if some other manager jumps off the roof." "You're right - the view up here is spectacular!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #trends are positive, #crushing debt, #moronic management, #aging product line

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Tina writes the Annual Report All trends are positive. Footnote 5: Unless you consider our crushing debt, moronic management, and aging product line. "What font is this? It's so tiny." "Enron Beelzebub."