Asking Comic Strips - Page 8

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132 Results for Asking

View 71 - 80 results for asking comic strips. Discover the best "Asking" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #crime, #asking, #confused, #ridicule, #worthless, #drinking, #coffee

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Wally says, "I've decided to dabble in crime. I nees some henchmen. Are you in?" Asok says, "What does a henchman do?" Wally says, "A henchman's job is to be gunned down in reverse order to his importance." Asok says, "How important am I?" Wally says, "I wouldn't pack lunch for orientation day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer, #sitting, #asking, #money, #present, #punch, #violence, #pain, #flying, #technology

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Asok says, "I'm collecting money for our pointy-haired boss' birthday." Punch! The boss says, "How much did we get so far?" Asok says, "Well, nothing you could send by FedEx."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #asking, #ignoring, #rejection, #annoyed

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Dilbert says, "Do you have time to talk today?" The boss says, "Sure. Call me next week." Dilbert says, "Do you have a minute to hear about my day?" Dogbert says, "Sure. Call me yesterday."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job, #lose my job, #rate service superiro, #service, #successful man, #survey, #loose job, #loose wife, #business

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Mordac: You will get a survey asking you how satisfied you were with my service today. If you don't rate my service superior in all categories, I will lose my jobs and my wife will leave me for a more successful man. Dilbert: Is she cute? Mordac: Why do you ask?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #users want, #supply and emnad, #idiot, #managing, #work harder, #earn less money, #fire me, #obvious things

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The Boss says, "Find out what the users want before your build it." Dilbert says, "Why are you explaining my job to me as if I'm an idiot?" The Boss says, "It's called managing." The Boss says, "I assume you're dumb because you work harder than I do and earn less money." The Boss says, "And my boss would fire me if I just sat in my office and did nothing." The Boss says, "So I wander around and say obvious thing to you idiots until quitting time." The Boss says, "Then I go home and eat until my underpants don't fit." The Boss says, "Thanks for asking."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #marketing, #engineers, #percentage increase, #trivial base, #stink eye, #business

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Thanks to marketing. Sales have increased 100%! Dilbert: Question: are you asking a room full of engineers to be excited about a big percentage increase over a trivial base?" Ted You leave me no choice but to give you the stink eye. Dilbert: Ow! Ow! Make it stop!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cost estimate, #user requirements, #estimate, #go over budget, #fired, #Number, #ten million dollars, #know cost, #input

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The Boss: "I need a cost estimate on your project." Dilbert: "I have no idea I haven't even gathered the user requirements." The Boss: "Don't worry I won't hold you to the estimate." Dilbert: "Yes you will. You will put it in the plan, forget we had this conversation, and fire me when I go over budget." The boss: "Give me a number or I'll fire you right now." Dilbert: "Okay, it will cost ten million dollars." The Boss: "That's too high." Dilbert: "If you already know the cost why are you asking me?" The Boss: "So you'll feel like you had input." Dilbert: "Is input supposed to feel this bad?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project staus report, #infinity

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The Boss: When will I get your project status report? Dilbert: "You're asking for a status report on the status of the status report?" The Boss: "Right. When can I get that?" Dilbert: "It's starting to look like infinity."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #public relations, #marketing claims, #tap water, #unleaded gasoline, #reanimate the dead, #lousy job, #job easier

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Dogbert, VP of marketing PR: "As head of public relations, it will be my job to explain your marketing claims." Dogbert: "So?" PR: "You claim our product can turn tap water into unleaded gasoline and reanimate the dead." Dogbert: "Are you asking my to do a lousy job of marketing just so your job is easier?" PR: "Um..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no rasie, #oo many questions, #can't do job, #saved emails, #policies and procedures, #misperception, #buy software, #permission, #emails, #another question

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The boss: "I can't give you a raise because you ask me too many questions." "That's a sign that you can't do your job." Dilbert: "I anticipated your misperception and prepared for it." "I saved all of my e-mails and matched them to your policies and procedures." "For example, this is your e-mail saying we need your permission to buy software." "And here's my e-mail asking if I can buy some software." "Should I run through the other seven hundred documented examples?" The Boss: "There you go asking another question."