Bid To Run Comic Strips - Page 8

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198 Results for Bid To Run

View 71 - 80 results for bid to run comic strips. Discover the best "Bid To Run" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee wellness programs, #save money, #hellness program, #big picture

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Dogbert says, "Employee wellness programs save money in the long run, but that does you no good." Dogbert says, "You need a program that can save you money now, when it makes a difference." Dilbert says, "A hellness program? I don't like the sound of that." The Boss says, "Try to see the big picture for once."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alternative fuel divison, #oil into watwer, #uninhabitable wasteland, #water into fuel

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The Boss: Our alternative fuel division has found a way to turn fresh water into fuel! Dilbert: Wouldn't that turn the world into an uninhabitable wasteland in the long run? The Boss: Not if someone finds a way to turn oil into water.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blather, #died inprocess, #grossly overpaid, #thwarted takeover

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Dogbert: I thwarted the hostile takeover bid, but your CEO died in the process. Dogbert: I'll find you someone else to blather about quality while being grossly overpaid. Dogbert: I like your look, but can you blather?" Man: Quality is my global added value!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sensitive material, #interoffice, #topsecret, #moron, #security department, #slap hard, #run fast

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Ted: Your most sensitive materials should always be sent in an interoffice envelope marked 'top secret. Dilbert: Are you a moron who works in our security department, or an industrial spy who is too lazy to look through lots of envelopes? The boss: Our security guys don't slap that hard or run that fast.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #make cahnges, #history suggests, #infinyte loop, #furious ball, #wild about font, #no hope finsihing

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The Boss: Make these changes and run it by me again. Dilbert: "history suggests I have entered an infinite loop of making changes with no hope of finishing." "My life is a furious ball of nothing." The Boss: "And I'm not wild about the font."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #unqualified crony, #quality control group, #value loyalty, #great leader, #extra disloyal

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The Boss: I hired an unqualified crony to run our quality control group. "I value loyalty over competence. That's the sign of a great leader." Dilbert: "Do you see any problem with that?" The Boss: "It makes you look extra disloyal?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #carpet fishing, #devised a game, #computer, #string, #randomly picks location, #hooked fish marlin, #salmon, #killing time, #technology

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Alice: "What are you doing?" Dilbert: "Carpet fishing." "It's a sport I invented." "I divided the carpet in my cubicle into a numbered grid." "Then I wrote a computer program that randomly picks a carpet location and a type of fish about once an hour." "If it picks the carpet location where I happen to be dangling this string, it means I hooked a fish." "Yesterday I caught a marlin." "Did you come here for some reason other than to spoil the salmon run?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #donate, #campaign, #drill for oil, #opppenets lawn, #bureau of alcohol tobacco firearms, #Politics

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Dogbert: "donate to my campaign, and I'll let you drill for oil in my opponent's lawn." "And I'll appoint you to run the bureau of alcohol, tobacco and firearms." Man: "Is that as fun as it sounds?" Dogbert: "Not for your neighbors."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no rasie, #oo many questions, #can't do job, #saved emails, #policies and procedures, #misperception, #buy software, #permission, #emails, #another question

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The boss: "I can't give you a raise because you ask me too many questions." "That's a sign that you can't do your job." Dilbert: "I anticipated your misperception and prepared for it." "I saved all of my e-mails and matched them to your policies and procedures." "For example, this is your e-mail saying we need your permission to buy software." "And here's my e-mail asking if I can buy some software." "Should I run through the other seven hundred documented examples?" The Boss: "There you go asking another question."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prepare proposal, #prodcuts, #expertise, #figure out, #expensive bidder, #bid low, #essential upgardes, #randomly assigned, #create lies, #proposal, #can't win

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The Boss: "Prepare a proposal for this customer." Dilbert: "Why me?" "You were walking by. I had it in my head." "We can't win this business. We don't have the right products or expertise." The Boss: "Just say we do. We'll figure it out later." Dilbert: "They know we don't. And we'd still be the most expensive bidder." The Boss: "Bid low. We'll make it up with change orders and unexpected essential upgrades." Dilbert: "In other words, I've been randomly assigned to create lies for a proposal we can't win for a service we can't perform." The Boss: "You make competing sound bad."