Condescending Email Comic Strips - Page 8
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Ratbert: I'm moning for bertcoins. It's a digital currency created by an anonymous genius. Hey, I'm getting an email from a Somali fellow who wants me to open an attachment. What happened to all of my bertcoins? Bob: Digital Somali pirates!
Wally : Mere's my card. Let me know if I can be of further assistance. Coworker: Your phone number is missing a digit and your email address doesn't have an @ symbol. Wally: I didn't say it would be easy.
The Boss: Did everyone read about how to improve our communication? Dilbert: Was it a long rambling email that stumbled from one barely coherent point to another? The Boss: That one must have been from someone else. Dilbert: Good because I didn't read it.
Boss: This isn't what I wanted. Dilbert: I know. But given your unclear email and your unwillingness to answer follow-up questions, I decided to do whatever entertained me. Boss: Do we have a problem here? Dilbert: No, this totally works for me.
Lawyer: The court ordered us to turn over all of our internal emails. Have you ever mentioned in email that our products are known to be dangerous but we don't care? CEO: I don't even know what products we make. Lawyer: That's a good defense. We might need that.
Boss: Please stop using email to express your colorful opinions of our marketing campaign. We don't need a discoverable record of you describing our advertising plan as "Pinocchio doing the backstroke in Satan's septic tank." Remember that capitalism without deniability is the same as poverty. Dilbert: Eh?
Dilbert: Can you email the test data to me? Coworker: We don't do it that way. Dilbert: That's not a reason. Coworker: I never give reasons. Dilbert: Nothing you say means anything! Coworker: That's how we've always done it.
Based on a true story Coworker: I completed the wireframe and passed it off to our coders. Dilbert: That's great. Did you incorporate all of my specs? Coworker: I didn't see any specs from you. Maybe my spam filter ate your email. Dilbert: No problem. I'll resend them and you can start from scratch. Coworker: Yes, I certainly could do that. Or I could ignore your input, enjoy my deep feeling of accomplishment and hope for the best. Wally: That sounds easier. Coworker: I accept your wise counsel, Wally. I guess your search for relevance marches on.
Coworker: Did you see my email with all of my recommended changes to your product? Dilbert: Yes. Everything you suggested is a bad idea, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life explaining why. Coworker: Now I hate you. Dilbert: All roads headed in that directions. All I did was take the shortest one.