Consultant Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

142 Results for Consultant

View 71 - 80 results for consultant comic strips. Discover the best "Consultant" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags six sigma consulatant, increased profits, industry downturns, flat growth, industries, upturned

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Six Sigma Consultant. Dogbert says to The Boss and Dilbert, "Every company that used my six sigma program increased profits." Dogbert continues, "...Except for the ones that were in industry downturns..." Dogbert continues, "...Or flat growth industries... Or industries that only upturned a little bit."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags six sigma program, doomed, same consulatant, worthless progarms, totally different name

View Transcript

Transcript

"You've got to implement a six sigma program or else you're doomed." "Aren't you the same consultant who sold us the worthless TQM program a few years ago?" "I assure you that this program has a totally, totally different name." "When can we start?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags most valuable asset, rampant ignorance, really cost, better jobs, across the street, don't know bugs, wearing trash cans, accidental exposure, consultant, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert is sitting at a conference table across from Dilbert and Alice and flanked by the boss and Wally. Dogbert says, "What is your most valuable asset?" Wally says, "Employees?" The boss stifles a laugh "Hee" Dogbert says, "Your most valuable asset is rampant ignorance." Dogbert continues, "For example, you would never start a project if you knw how much it would really cost." Turning to Wally, Dogbert says, "Employees stay here because they don't know there are better jobs across the street." Wally says, "What?" Turning to the boss, Dogbert says, "Customers buy your products because they don't know about all the bugs." The boss says, "Good point." Holding a trashcan, Dogbert says, "I recommend wearing trash cans on your heads to avoid any accidental exposure to knowledge." An employee, wearing a trashcan over his head, says, "Did he tell you he was a consultant?" Another trashcanned employee says, "He said he was selling trash cans."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags class, cloak of invisibility, consultant, invisibility, management cloak, management training, special, students, teacher, education, business

View Transcript

Transcript

MANAGEMENT TRAINING: Dogbert addresses the class, saying, "Tim will demonstrate the Management Cloak of Invisibility." Dogbert points to Tim who is sitting at a desk in front of the Management Training class. Dogbert watches as Tim sinks below the desk. Dogbert says to the class as Tim disappears from view, "I admit it doesn't seem very special when you know how it's done."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags can't breathe, demonstration, evil eye process, new consultant, paper cut bleeding, rasputin, charisma

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to his staff, "This is Rasputin, our new consultant." The Boss continues, "He stopped my paper cut from bleeding." The Boss says to everyone, "He has charisma." Alice says, "I'd like to see a demonstration on Asok." Rasputin looks at Asok fiercely. Asok nervously says, "Ack...can't breathe..." The Boss says to everyone, "That's called the evil eye process. Now do Wally." Rasputin begins to stare at Wally. Wally replies, "Ack...can't breathe..." Wally drops to the floor and the Boss says, "He never had a chance." Dilbert replies, "Your anti-charisma is strong today."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bean with golf ball, clubhouse, golf with ceo, million dollars, wears helmet, dogbert consults

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the consultant says to the Boss, "I golf with your CEO." Dogbert continues, "For a million dollars I can accidentally bean him with a golf ball." The Boss replies, "He always wears a helmet." Dogbert answers, "Not in the clubhouse."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags company a, dogbert consults, free sample, web strategy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the consultant says to the Boss, "Here's a free sample of my work." The Boss says to Dobgert as he reads the booklet, "So company 'A' was managed by idiots with no web strategy." The Boss asks Dogbert, "What would you recommend for my company?" Dogert replies, "First, change its name to 'A'.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags collaboration, defective, intranet, dogbert consults

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says to Dogbert the consultant, "No one uses the intranet collaboration software you sold us." Dogbert replies, "Your employees are defective. I recommend cat scans." Catbert examines Wally's head. "This one is defective too", Catbert says. The Boss yells, "Next in line!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, ignorant, intranet collaboration, sign it, their ignorance, tools, dogbert consults, business

View Transcript

Transcript

As a consultant, Dogbert says to the Boss "All of your employees are ignorant." Dobgert continues, "I can fix that by selling you intranet collaboration tools." The Boss says to Dgbert in an uneasy voice, "But if they're sharing their ignorance..." Dogbert thinks to himself, "Sign it, sign it, sign it..."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ad campiagn, festured, new ceo, powerful woman, indutry, than lines

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits next to the Boss at a table. The Boss says, "My consultant thinks you should be featured in our ad campaign." An attractive woman sits behind a large desk and says, "Is that because I'm the new CEO and the most powerful woman in our industry?" The Boss answers, "Umm...yes. That's why." Dogbert turns and says, "Remember to ask about tan lines."