Define Its Own Name Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

676 Results for Define Its Own Name

View 71 - 80 results for define its own name comic strips. Discover the best "Define Its Own Name" comics from Dilbert.com.

Boss Cancels Food Service

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Cancels Food Service - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lunch, #Food, #stealing, #refrigerator, #property, #misunderstanding

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I've decided to cancel our food service to save money. Dilbert: We don't have a food service. We all bring our own food and keep in the break room refrigerator. Boss: I've been eating the food in there for seven years. Dilbert: I'd keep that to myself if I were you.

View more books now

Cubicles Like A Carton Of Eggs

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cubicles Like A Carton Of Eggs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cubicle, #office, #simile, #eggs

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Have you ever noticed that our cubicles are organized exactly like a carton of eggs. Boss: That feels right because eggs go rotten quickly, too. Dilbert: I already hate my own analogy. Boss: Eggs are overly sensitive, too.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #avoiding, #avoidance, #offense

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina; Are you going to the department meeting? Dilbert: Yes, as soon as I plan my route. I have seven co-workers who I need to avoid on the way. Three are nonstop talkers. The other four ask me for something every time I see them. I've mapped their likely locations and I'm working out an avoidance path. Yes, I think I can do it. Tina: Is that my name on your list of employees to avoid? Dilbert: I didn't say it was a perfect system.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #failure, #blame, #executives, #scapegoat

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our sales for the quarter were zero. CEO: Heads will roll! Whose fault is this. Dilbert: It's entirely your fault. You told a reporter that our next version will be amazing. So all of our customers are waiting for the new version. The only sensible solution here is for you to admit your mistake and resign in utter humiliation. CEO: Or... I could blame this guy, whatever his name is. Man: That isn't right. CEO: Looks like I'll be adding insubordination to the charges.

Virtual Vr And Jail Program

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Virtual Vr And Jail Program - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #virtual reality, #cubicle, #office, #torture

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: As you requested, I wrote a VR program that makes users feel as if they are in cubicles. I put only your name on the credits because I expect an angry mob to kill whoever created it. I also wrote a VR jail program in case you want to be in protective custody. Boss: I might need that.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication, #mumbling, #speech, #understanding

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: What's the URL for the test site? Boss: Ask Amy. Dilbert; Amy is a mumbler. I can't understand a word she says. Boss; Just ask her to speak up. Dilbert: I've tried that. All she does is mumble louder. And whenever I ask her a question by email, she answers the wrong question. If the only person who knows the URL for the test site is Amy, we probably need to build a new site and tell someone else the URL. Amy might be the most useless employee in the entire company. Wally: Can you teach me to mumble? Amy: Mumble, mumble, mumble. Narrator: Get your own system.

Honest Opinion But Polite

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Honest Opinion But Polite - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #criticism, #political correctness, #politically correct, #company policy, #honesty

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our new politeness policy forbids me from giving you an honest opinion of your idea. So, instead, I will talk about an unrelated topic and you can draw your own conclusions. So... did you hear about the manure fire that burned down a pig farm?

Faking Their Own Deaths

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Faking Their Own Deaths - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #distraction, #subversion, #alias, #espionage, #hiding, #productivity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My job as the team scrum for our agile methodology is to remove distractions so you can work. I've created fake identities for each of us, and I'll be spreading the rumor that we all died. Carol: I heard they all died. Boss: Nice try. I will find them!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #work, #torture, #human resources, #hr, #manipulation, #content, #psychology, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: The one called Dilbert is showing signs of happiness at work. Boss: That means we can give him more work and he won't quit. Excellent. Is anyone else exhibiting signs of unauthorized happiness? Catbert: No. Everyone else is in the narrow band of misery you want them to be in. If they were any happier, it would mean you're overpaying them. If they were any less happy, the would take their own lives. If you don't hear any laughing or screaming, it means you're doing something right. Boss: What about moans? Catbert: Moans are ideal. That's the sweet spot.

Naming The Spaceship

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Naming The Spaceship - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #naming, #space, #space flight, #rocket, #engineering, #failure, #death, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: I'm looking for a name for the spaceship that I designed. Dilbert: How about "Death Tube?" Alice: "Space Debris?" Wally: "Final Resting Place?" Ted: I was hoping for something more positive. Voice: We're positive it will explode.