Dilberts Moother Comic Strips - Page 8
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Dilbert enters the Boss' office and asks, "Is it okay if I take naps during the day?" Dilbert then asks, "Or would you prefer that I make important decisions while groggy and delusional?" Dilbert continues, "Either way is okay with me. It's your call." The Boss doesn't respond and Dilbert leaves his office thinking, "He looks funny all purple." Back at his desk and half asleep, Dilbert thinks to himself "Must...stay...awake. Make...important...decisions." Dilbert continues, "Must replace optical switches with dancing lemurs." The Boss stands behind Dilbert as he sleeps. Now in an obvious dream state, Dilbert yells in his sleep "Gaaa! French people are touching me with cigarettes!" The Boss leaves Dilbert's cubicle thinking, "I hope that's how engineers design missile defense networks."
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Write a performance evaluation for yourself." The Boss continues, "Shoot for about 3% raise...because that's what you're getting." Dilbert's computer states, "Dilbert's inventions will earn a billion dollars. But we think he steals almost as much."
Catbert, the Evil H.R. director says to Wally, "Wally, our auditors found 40 gigabits of bikini pictures on your PC." Wally is thinking the same thing. Catbert says to Wally, "That is grounds for dismissal. How do you plead?" Wally thinks to himself, "Innocent. Technically, they didn't find any pictures." Wally says to Catbert, "What they found were zeroes and ones resting harmlessly on magnetic media." Wally continues, "It was the auditors themselves who activated thoe harmless bits to form pictures on the screen." Wally says to Catbert, "I demand that those godless auditors be fired!" Wally also says, "And if it's not too much trouble, I'd like my zeroes and ones back." After Wally's meeting with Catbert, Dilberts asks Wally "Was justice served?" Wally responds, "It's a gray area."
Dilbert sits at his computer working. The Boss approaches with a new employee. The Boss says to the new employee, "Dilbert is one of our social misfits." The Boss says to the new employee, "Your job is to keep him away from normal people." Dilbert, still facing his computer is obviously annoyed by what he is hearing. Unable to keep quiet, Dilbert yells without turning around, "Hello! I'm right here!" The Boss and the new employee unaffected by Dilbert's outburst, continue their conversation. The Boss says to the new employee, "Your title will be Engineering Liason."
A man enters Dilbert's cubicle shouting, "I'll make your life miserable! I'll thwart your every move!" The man introduces himself to Dilbert, "Hi. I'm the new sadist." Dilbert replies, "What happened to the old one?" The sadist answers, "He went to sadist paradise." Dilbert ask, "The auditing department?"
With Dilbert's back turned facing his computer, Wally says "I came back early from my fake disability leave." Wally continues, "I missed the camaraderie and the stimulating conversation." Dilbert replies without turning to face Wally, "I didn't know you were gone." Wally replies, "Not bad for a Tuesday."
Asok goes to Dilbert's house to spy on him. While video taping Dilbert's actions, Asok thinks to himself, "Wally's claim of disability will be put to the test." Now from a different view in Dilbert's yard (next to the fence), Asok thinks to himself, "Here we go...oh, yeah...come to Asok...go, baby, go!" Back at the office, Catbert asks Asok "Does he ever move?" Asok replies innocently, "It looks that way when I jiggle the camera."
An older Dilbert with an oddly shaped head materializes in Dilberts cubicle. The future Dilbert says to Dilbert: "I am you from the future. Your time machine invention works." Dilbert asks: "How does my head get like that?" The future Dilbert points to a hole in a box that he wears at his chest and says: "Stick a finger in this hole."
Dilbert is with his Mom. She is drinking tea. She asks Dilbert: "Did you do any action items this week?" Dilbert answers: "I gathered costs for a strategy we had already decided not to use." Dilbert's Mom says: "That helps the Ol' GNP." Dilbert tells her: "I'm not giving back your tuition money."
Paul Tergeist is sitting with Dilbert in front of the computer at Dilbert's cubicle. Paul says: "This technology will work or my name isn't Paul Tergeist." Suddently, the monitor rockets into the air. The two watch it with stupefaction as it ascends. The monitor lands on Dilbert's head. Paul says: "I wish I had a nickel for every time that happened to a co-worker." Dilbert simply says: "Ow."