Dumbest Person Comic Strips - Page 8

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229 Results for Dumbest Person

View 71 - 80 results for dumbest person comic strips. Discover the best "Dumbest Person" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 16, 2010's comic on:


Tags #same facial hair, #weird haitdo, #unique, #need to be original

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Coworker says, "Gaaa!!! The second-uncoolest person in the world has my same facial hair!" Coworker says, "And the uncoolest person in the world is clean-shaven. You're leaving me no place to go!" Later that month Alice says, "I don't see it catching on." Coworker says, "Give it time."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 2010's comic on:


Tags #salesman, #suit, #paper bag, #over head, #secret

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The Boss says, "Our best sales guy asked for you to accompany him on a sales call." Dilbert says, "What's the secret of being a good sales person?" Coworker says, "You need to give customers the information they need?" Coworker says, "?Without getting in their faces so often that you become a nuisance." Coworker says, "For example, a customer would get sick of your face much sooner than mine." Coworker says, "So halfway through the sales call, you'll need to put this bag over your head while I close the deal." Man says, "It looks as if I win our bet." Coworker says, "No... wait for it..." Man says, "Whoa. How do you do that?" Coworker says, "It's called sales. Now you owe me a purchase order."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 2010's comic on:


Tags #computer, #work, #progress, #software, #annoyed, #grit teeth, #drink coffee, #inspiration, #machine, #technology, #engineering

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The Boss says, "Wally, have you made any progress coding your module?" Wally says, "Progress is difficult to measure in the software realm." Wally says, "You could measure the lines of code I produce, but that would reward inefficiency." Wally says, "The art of this job is binding the rare moments of inspiration to knowledge and machines." Wally says, "In fact, just a minute ago I could feel the inspiration welling up inside me." Wally says, "But then you interrupted me with your naive question and the moment was lost." Wally says, "Maybe you should go back to your office and reflect on the damage you've done here today." Wally thinks, "There goes the one person who has less of a real job than I do."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 2010's comic on:


Tags #phone, #lunch, #talk about products, #reject, #woman, #attractive

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Carl says, "Let's have lunch so I can tell you about our products." Dilbert says, "No thanks." Dilbert says, "I don't like meeting new people." Dilbert says, "Every person I meet chips away at my freedom." Dilbert says, "If I have lunch with you, I'll feel an obligation to return your pestering phone calls." Dilbert says, "My lunchtime is the only chance I get during the day to scrape off the leeches." Dilbert says, "Nothing personal." Woman says, "Do you want to have lunch and discuss our new product line?" Dilbert says, "Sure!" Dilbert says, "Carl, you are totally in the wrong profession."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 2010's comic on:


Tags #skill assessment, #lazy, #bad worker, #morning person, #sleepy, #afternoon, #sell stock, #stand on chair

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Wally says, "I get sleepy in the afternoon. And I'm not a morning person." Wally says, "I'm at my best for about an hour in between, which explains why I'm an exceptionally good lunch eater." The Boss says, "How's the workforce skills assessment going?" Catbert says, "I just sold all of my company stock."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #drink coffee, #forget, #morning person, #business

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Wally says, "I've already forgotten everything that was said at the beginning of this meeting." SLURP Wally says, "I used to think I wasn't a morning person, but things never got better after lunch."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2010's comic on:


Tags #presentation, #powerpoint, #ghost, #ignore, #read, #run, #boo, #injury, #bandage, #hit person

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Dilbert says, "The status of my project is that apparently I died and became a ghost." Dilbert says, "I don?t remember dying, but the evidence of my untimely demise is clear." Dilbert says, "In the past week, no one has returned my phone calls or replied to my emails." Dilbert says, "When I try to print a document, I get nothing but error messages." Dilbert says, "Now all of you are looking at your phones and reading materials as if no one is speaking to you." Dilbert says, "I will now test my ghost theory by running through a living person." Dilbert says, "BOOOO!!!" Dilbert says, "Good news. I'm alive but unworthy of attention." Dogbert says, "I'm trying to watch a show."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #small groups, #argue, #alone, #talk to self, #annoyed, #empty chairs, #business

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The Boss says, "We'll break into small groups to discuss options." Dilbert says, "Why? Do you think we'll be smarter when we're in small groups?" The Boss says, "That way everyone gets more time to talk." Dilbert says, "According to your theory, the ideal group size would be one person talking to himself." The Boss says, "No, you also need the knowledge and perspective that extra people bring." Dilbert says, "That would argue for larger groups, not smaller ones." The Boss says, "Fine! Just break into whatever size groups you think make sense." Dilbert says, "I like your style, Dilbert." Dilbert says, "Thank you for noticing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 22, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #honest feedback, #strategy, #lie, #misperception, #hate people, #business

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The Boss says, "Alice, I called this meeting because you're the only person I trust to give me honest feedback on my strategy." Alice says, "It's great. It's amazing. It's the best strategy in the universe." The Boss says, "I thought you were honest." Alice says, "That's a common misperception. I just hate people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 25, 2010's comic on:


Tags #new account manager, #boring job, #problem solver, #introduce, #shake hands, #first day, #toys

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The Boss says, "Dilbert, meet our new account manager." Dilbert says, "Hi." The Boss says, "His job is solving a hodgepodge of problems that would bore a normal person to death." The Boss says, "We think his parents didn't let him have toys." Dilbert says, "The first day is the easiest."