Eliminate Dept Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

86 Results for Eliminate Dept

View 71 - 80 results for eliminate dept comic strips. Discover the best "Eliminate Dept" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fiance dept, #reduce costs, #short sighted ways, #save money, #job harder, #forget

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "I'm from the finance department. I'm here to reduce costs." Ratbert continues, "It might seem like all I do is come up with short-sighted ways to save money while making your job harder. But there's another side to this story." Wally asks, "And that would be . . . ?" Ratbert answers, "I forget."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hired, #finance, #dept, #cut spending, #studying, #inefficeincy, #boldface, #electricity, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert stands on Dilbert's desk and says, "I've been hired by the finance department to help cut spending." Ratbert continues, "I'll be studying your every move and looking for waste and inefficiency." Looking over Dilbert's shoulder at his monitor, Ratbert says, "Those words in boldface look like they're sucking up the ol' electricity."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assets ratio, #boost, #security department, #brisk redcution, #joking, #den

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We need to boost our return-on-assets ratio." Wally says, "Let's eliminate the security department. That would cut expenses while allowing for a brisk reduction in assets." As they walk away, Dilbert asks Wally, "When are you planning to tell him you were joking?" Wally responds, "After I furnish my den."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #iso 9000 certfication, #create boring, #poorly written document, #big binder, #copies to dept. heads, #dead racoon

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert puts a transparency on an overhead projector and says, "Here's the basic plan for getting our 'ISO 9000' certification." Dilbert points at the diagram and continues, "Each of you will create an insanely boring, poorly written document. I'll combine them into one big honkin' binder." Dilbert points to a picture of a man passing a binder to another man and continues, "I'll send copies to all department heads for comment. They will treat it like a dead raccoon and route it to the first passerby."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project approved, #budget giveaway, #doomed, #hyped up, #marketing dept, #snatched porject, #reverse psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands at Dilbert's desk and says, "I got your project approved by our president!" The Boss continues, "But he gave your budget to another project." The Boss continues, "It's pretty much doomed from the get-go." The Boss continues, "But I hyped it up at the executive meeting so somebody else will try to take it over." A woman pushes them aside and says, "Step aside, fools! This project belongs to marketing now!" As the woman walks away, the Boss says, "Oh, please don't take our project." Dilbert and the Boss slap hands. Dilbert says, "Yes!" Dilbert asks, "Do you ever worry that you're finding joy in the wrong places?" The Boss replies, "Nope."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #combines two projects, #not the same, #boss doesn't undertsnd, #too late, #logical solition, #eliminate your project, #resourceful idiot

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "I just had my annual meeting with our Vice President." "We decided to combine your project with Project 'Bigfoot' because they're basically the same." Dilbert: "They're not the same! It only seems like it to you because you don't understand either project!" "Oh, well. It's too late to do anything. I told him they were the same." Dilbert: "Just call him and say you were wrong." The Boss: "I can see why you're not in management." "The logical solution is to wait for the next budget cut and eliminate your project, thus solving two problems." Dilbert: "There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #benefits dept, #retire now, #haitian penny stocks, #change in tone, #letter about pension, #contrarain investor

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: Uh-oh...it's never good when we get mail from the benefits department. "retire now or we'll invest your entire pension in haitian penny stocks. Dilbert: Have you noticed a change in tone lately? Wally: Little do they know Im a contrarian investor.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #comic book, #adventure of boron, #most boring man, #ego, #boron, #slays marketing dept, #engineers, #respect in society, #transfer mode technology

View Transcript

Transcript

"What are you drawing, Dogbert? "I'm creating a comic book called, 'The Adventures of Boron'." "'The most boring man in the entire Universe'." "Boron looks like me." "Geez, what an ego you have." "In chapter one, Boron slays the entire marketing department by explaining asynchronous protocols." "I think it's high time we engineers got a little respect in this society!" "Furthermore, there are many advantages to asynchronous transfer mode switch technology!" "First, there's bandwidth..."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert the publisher, #book, #minor changes, #purple dinosaur, #detective, #eliminate the murder, #murder mystery

View Transcript

Transcript

"Dogbert the Publisher" "I'd like to publish your book. All it needs are a few minor changes." "Make the main character a purple dinosaur instead of a detective. Add some upbeat songs and eliminate the murder." "It's a murder mystery!!" "Oh, that's original."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new cucbicle, #self suffcient, #work space, #life suport, #various tubes, #watch to body, #vital signs, #monitor, #central location, #human resources dept, #emergency hiring

View Transcript

Transcript

"Here's your new cubicle: the Cuborg 2000." "It's a self-sufficient workspace and life support system." "These tubes attach to various parts of your body so you never have to leave." "Various parts?" "Let's just say you don't want to get these two tubes mixed up." "We'll monitor your vital signs from a central location." "The company nurse?" "No; the human resources department, in case we have to do some emergency hiring." "Is it upgradeable?" "Yeah, the Cuborg 3000 is expected to have air holes."