Employee Comic Strips - Page 8

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515 Results for Employee

View 71 - 80 results for employee comic strips. Discover the best "Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ted Might Drop Dead

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Ted Might Drop Dead - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags health, monitor, fitbit, wearable tech, heart attack, diseases, death, prediction, medical

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Boss: Ted, your performance is poor. I need to let you go. Ted: Is it a coincidence that you're firing me at the same time my employee health monitor detected cardiovascular disease? How good are the predictive analytics on this? Boss: Don't make lunch plans.

Wally's Watch Is A Snitch

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Wally's Watch Is A Snitch - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags wearable tech, health, surveillance, fitbit, monitor, fitness, attendance

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Wally: I can't come to work today. I'm totally sick. Boss: According to your employee health monitor, you're not sick at all. Wally: Stupid snitch!!!

Reanimated Employee

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Reanimated Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags soul, death, near death experience, heaven, hell, medical

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Dilbert: How did you end up with no soul? Randy: I died during surgery and my soul went to the afterlife before doctors reanimated my body. Dilbert: I thought the soul returns when that happens. Randy: You're thinking of heaven.

Emptiness And Pain

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Emptiness And Pain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags pain, emptiness, soul, work ethic, motivation

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Dilbert: This is Randy, our new employee who has no soul. Tina: Wow. What's it like to have no soul? Randy: I feel only emptiness and pain. Tina: I hope you didn't take this job to get away from emptiness and pain. Randy: No, I just wanted to get paid for it.

Pat Yourself On The Head

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Pat Yourself On The Head - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags reward, prizes, reimbursement, expense report

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Boss: I'm naming you employee of the month. Your prize is twenty dollars cash and a pat on the head. Give yourself twenty dollars and submit an employee reimbursement request. Dilbert: Can I pat myself on the head, too? Boss: I was hoping you would offer.

Contradicting Himself

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Contradicting Himself - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags surveillance, managing, proof, body cam, camera, recording

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Dilbert: According to my employee body cam playback, you contradicted yourself eleven times today. Boss: Your stupid body cam is interfering with my ability to manage. Dilbert: By "manage," do you mean contradicting yourself and later denying it? Boss: I don't not mean that.

Accidental Deletion

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Accidental Deletion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags surveillance, coverup, body cam, denial, deception, proof

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Dilbert: I'm glad I started wearing an employee body cam. Here's a video of you yesterday, saying the opposite of what you told me today. Boss: Oops! I accidentally deleted it. Dilbert: Luckily, I have seven hundred backups.

Dilbert Is Wearing A Body Cam

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Dilbert Is Wearing A Body Cam - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lying, body cam, surveillance

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Boss: Don't give that data to Marketing yet. Dilbert: That is the direct opposite of what you told me yesterday. Boss: I am totally sure I never said anything like that yesterday. You weren't wearing a wire, were you? Dilbert: It's called an employee body cam. Narrator: Continued...

Immersive Vr Employee Quits

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Immersive Vr Employee Quits - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags virtual reality, civil rights, discrimination, artificial intelligence, rights

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Boss: Our immersive VR employee quit. He's suing the company for discriminating against digitally rendered people. Catbert: Is it too late to kill him? Boss: I tried, but he cloned himself to cloud storage.

Attending A Meeting For Kevin

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Attending A Meeting For Kevin - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags virtual reality, sexual harrassment, real, fantasy, imagination

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Boss: Can you attend a meeting for Kevin, our new immersive VR employee? Dilbert: Why can't Kevin do it? Boss: Alice needed him for something. Alice: Good. Now do it again, but without your shirt. Kevin: I'm not comfortable with this.