Engineers Wuit Comic Strips - Page 8

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213 Results for Engineers Wuit

View 71 - 80 results for engineers wuit comic strips. Discover the best "Engineers Wuit" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #candy, #children, #engineers, #big companies, #good engineering, #skulk around schoolyards, #nerdy loners, #offer candy, #Family

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Boss: The big companies are hiring all of the good engineering students as soon as they graduate. We need to start earlier. I want you to skulk around school yards and try to form relationships with kids who are nerdy loners. Offer them candy. Kids love candy. Dilbert: I don't see how this plan could go wrong.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #engineers, #framework, #allow construction, #large scale analytical queries, #unstructured data, #relationships

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Tina: So, what do you do for a living? Dilbert: I'm working on a framework to allow construction of large-scale analytical queries on unstructured data. Woman: I'm a little turned on by that. Dilbert: Settle down. It's just a framework.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #announcement, #economic value, #engineers, #google, #mergers & acquisitions, #modern day, #podium, #public speaking, #slave trader

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CEO: Google has offered to buy our company for $100 million just to get our engineers. I agreed to the deal because I'm a modern day slave trader who believes engineers are property and the rest of you have no economic value. Who wrote my speech? Employee: Someone with no economic value.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #mergers & acquisitions, #google, #100 million, #engineers, #jump ship, #ceo, #buy out

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CEO: Google offered to buy our company for $100 million just to get our engineers. Dilbert: Huh. I wonder if I can convince the other engineers to jump ship today and share $100 million amongst us. CEO: What did he just say? Dilbert: Nothing. Just thinking out loud.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #work ethic, #top engineers, #competetors, #firing, #get rid of, #updating resume, #goes as planned, #hideous disese, #felt useuful, #threatening employment

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Boss: Wally, I'm sending you to a conference for the world's top engineers. With any luck, one of our competitors will try to poach you. That will save me the trouble of firing you. You'll be going with five other people I want to get rid of. I took the liberty of updating your resume. If this goes as planned, you'll destroy one of our competitors from within. Like a hideous disease. Make me proud! Wally: It was the first time I ever felt useful. I didn't like it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #being a jerk, #big picture, #breaking up tasks, #emotionally gutted, #engineer, #engineers, #individual tasks, #losing will to live, #meetings, #personal life, #project plan, #rational plan, #sense of purpose, #engineering

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Boss: Any comments on the project plan? Dilbert: When you consider all of the tasks together, they form a rational plan. But our individual tasks are so far removed from the big picture that they are stripped of meaning. You've managed to remove all sense of purpose from my life. On an intellectual level, I understand the benefits of breaking tasks into small chunks. But you've left me emotionally gutted. As I read your plan, I'm losing my will to live. Boss: Can't you find meaning in your personal life? Tina: He's an engineer. Dilbert: Now you're just being a jerk.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #squirming, #team players, #thwart inaction

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Co-worker: Why are all the engineers in this meeting squirming when I talk? Did your boss order you to act like team players during this meeting and later thwart me by inaction? Answer me!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #exit strategy, #serial talker, #infinite unrelated, #engineers

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Boss: Talk to Allen about this. Dilbert: I'll need an exit strategy. He's a serial talker. I'll be trapped for hours while he strings together infinite, unrelated stories. Boss: Engineers have weird problems. Dilbert: What could I eat that would make me puke in ten minutes?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #diagram, #problem solver.brillinat, #sarcasm, #ignornace, #underrated, #design

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Co-worker: I'm not trained as an engineer, but I think this diagram might solve your problem. Alice: Ooh! This is brilliant! It's hard to believe you have no qualifications whatsoever! Co-worker: Is that sarcasm? Alice: Ignorance is underrated.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #secondhand sales, #tablet computer, #business, #design logo, #pay another company, #other companies, #watch, #engineers, #degrade, #low morale

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Boss: We're going into the tablet computer business. And by that I mean other companies will make the product and we'll design the logo. And by that I mean we'll pay another company to design the logo for us. Alice: Can we watch?