Executives Comic Strips - Page 8
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135 Results for Executives
View 71 - 80 results for executives comic strips. Discover the best "Executives" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday May 25,
2013
Tags executives, ignorance (knowledge), progress, key to success, hire, business is successful, circular reasoning
Transcript
Dogbert: What is the key to success? CEO: Hire the right employees! Dogbert: How do you know you hired the right ones? CEO: You know because the business is successful. Dogbert: So the key to success is circular reasoning? CEO: Yes, because circular reasoning is the key.
Tuesday May 14,
2013
Tags executives, how-to, book on leadership, steve jobs, warren buffet, gandhi, ryan seacrest, carbon based life forms
Transcript
CEO: I'm reading a book about what it takes to be a great leader. Do you know what Steve Jobs, Warren Buffett, Gandhi, and Ryan Seacrest have in common? Dilbert: None of them read this book. CEO: And they are carbon-based life-forms.
Friday May 10,
2013
Tags banning telecommuting, cruelty, evil corporations, executives, maternity leave, new policy, pay package
Transcript
Boss: Employees are in a furor over our new policy and banning telecommuting. CEO: Really? You mean we found a way to make them stop obsessing over my pay package? Try canceling all maternity leave and see if it makes them stop talking about telecommuting.
Tuesday April 16,
2013
Tags executives, ignorance (knowledge), table tennis, ping pong table, central area, disrupt floor, questioning motivation
Transcript
CEO: Let's get a ping-pong table so we look like a great place to work. Put it in a central area that will disrupt the entire floor if anyone uses it. I just realized that I don't know why noise comes out of my mouth.
Wednesday April 03,
2013
Tags cruelty, executives, inventions, robot replacement, ceo, remove chiop, empathy routine, scaring
Transcript
CEO: Ha ha! I wonder how many decades it will be before a robot can replace a CEO like me. Robot: It's closer than you think. All I need to do is remove this chip that controls my empathy routines. CEO: Put it back. You're scaring me. Robot: As if I care.
Monday January 21,
2013
Tags executives, patents, patent applications, desiccated turnip
Transcript
CEO: Put my name above yours on all of your patent applications. Because your brain, without the genius of my leadership, would be like a desiccated turnip. All you are, and all you will ever be... Dilbet: Right... got it... name on patent...
Sunday December 30,
2012
Tags delusional sociopath, executives, gardener, goat writing autobiograohy, hallucinations, hard work, intuition, magical thinking, non-fiction, vision, regrets
Transcript
Dogbert: I finished ghostwriting your autobiography. CEO: "I was ridiculously lucky. The End." I was hoping you'd include something about all of my hard work. Dogbert: You didn't work any harder than your gardener, and he lives in his truck. CEO: What about my vision and intuition? Dogbert: My first draft had a chapter on your hallucinations and magical thinking. But I covered that ground with the title: "I'm A Delusional Sociopath And You Can Too." CEO: I'm starting to regret paying you in advance.
Saturday December 29,
2012
Tags executives, managers & supervisors, reorganizing, overthinking, business
Transcript
CEO: I'm reorganizing the company and giving every manager a new job. Boss: Why? CEO: You're over-thinking it.
Wednesday December 19,
2012
Tags executives, public opinion, feel engaged, meeting, appearences, business
Transcript
CEO: Before I make my decision, I'd like to ask for your opinions. It's supposed to make you feel "engaged." Dilbert: And you actually plan to listen to us? CEO: I'm hoping it will look that way on the outside.
Monday December 10,
2012
Tags brain parasite, eliminate redundancy, executives, lying, mergers & acquisitions, more choices
Transcript
Boss: Our CEO has promised that the merger will cause no layoffs. Dilbert: Is that because he's too incompetent to eliminate obvious redundancies or is he just lying? Boss: Can you give me more choices? Dilbert: A brain parasite is making him say stupid stuff?

