Fake Own Death Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

677 Results for Fake Own Death

View 71 - 80 results for fake own death comic strips. Discover the best "Fake Own Death" comics from Dilbert.com.

Reanimated Employee

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Reanimated Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #soul, #death, #near death experience, #heaven, #hell, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: How did you end up with no soul? Randy: I died during surgery and my soul went to the afterlife before doctors reanimated my body. Dilbert: I thought the soul returns when that happens. Randy: You're thinking of heaven.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #distraction, #cell phone, #technology, #attention, #anger, #frustration, #viral video

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Dilbert, do you want to weigh in on this? Dilbert: Sorry, I wasn't listening. I was playing with my phone under the table. Boss: Terrific. Alice, how about you? Alice: Um... sorry. I was using my phone under the table. Boss: Was anyone in this room listening to me for the past half-hour? Forget it! I'm out of here! You're on your own! Worst meeting ever. Carol: Have you seen the viral video of you going nuts?

Winning The Meeting

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Winning The Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #game, #cruelty, #insult, #criticism

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Meetings used to be frustrating and boring until I gamified that situation. Now I try to win meetings by criticizing co-workers offering no ideas of my own, and leaving without any new task. Dilbert: You call that winning? Wally: Compared to my victims, yes.

Boss Cancels Food Service

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Cancels Food Service - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lunch, #Food, #stealing, #refrigerator, #property, #misunderstanding

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I've decided to cancel our food service to save money. Dilbert: We don't have a food service. We all bring our own food and keep in the break room refrigerator. Boss: I've been eating the food in there for seven years. Dilbert: I'd keep that to myself if I were you.

Cubicles Like A Carton Of Eggs

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cubicles Like A Carton Of Eggs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cubicle, #office, #simile, #eggs

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Have you ever noticed that our cubicles are organized exactly like a carton of eggs. Boss: That feels right because eggs go rotten quickly, too. Dilbert: I already hate my own analogy. Boss: Eggs are overly sensitive, too.

Sparing A Robot's Feelings

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Sparing A Robot's Feelings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #sentience, #feelings, #emotions, #afterlife, #death, #atheism, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: What kind of afterlife are we looking at here? Dilbert: Your meaningless existence will be punctuated by an eternity of darkness. Robot: Thanks for sparing my feelings! Dilbert: Sorry. I usually delete those first.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication, #mumbling, #speech, #understanding

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: What's the URL for the test site? Boss: Ask Amy. Dilbert; Amy is a mumbler. I can't understand a word she says. Boss; Just ask her to speak up. Dilbert: I've tried that. All she does is mumble louder. And whenever I ask her a question by email, she answers the wrong question. If the only person who knows the URL for the test site is Amy, we probably need to build a new site and tell someone else the URL. Amy might be the most useless employee in the entire company. Wally: Can you teach me to mumble? Amy: Mumble, mumble, mumble. Narrator: Get your own system.

Honest Opinion But Polite

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Honest Opinion But Polite - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #criticism, #political correctness, #politically correct, #company policy, #honesty

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our new politeness policy forbids me from giving you an honest opinion of your idea. So, instead, I will talk about an unrelated topic and you can draw your own conclusions. So... did you hear about the manure fire that burned down a pig farm?

Faking Their Own Deaths

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Faking Their Own Deaths - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #distraction, #subversion, #alias, #espionage, #hiding, #productivity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My job as the team scrum for our agile methodology is to remove distractions so you can work. I've created fake identities for each of us, and I'll be spreading the rumor that we all died. Carol: I heard they all died. Boss: Nice try. I will find them!

Boss Tweets Fake News

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Tweets Fake News - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #mobile (cell) phones, #talk, #window

View Transcript

Transcript

The department of education asked us to talk to you about all of your tweeting. You tweeted so much fake news that the average I.Q. in the country plunged seven points. That doesn't hurt anyone. You tweeted "seat belts are designed to strangle survivors so they won't sue."