Family Friendly Policies Comic Strips - Page 8
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CatBert: This company is like a family. Our culture is based on trust and respect. Now sign this document that says we can test you for drugs and search your computer and your office. Man: Can I borrow your pen? Catbert: Do I look like Bill and Melinda Gates?"
Dilbert: Don't get too friendly with the new guy. His armpits are 66 inches off the ground. Asok: He seems nice. I fail to see how the height of his armpits is relevant. Wally: You'll see. New Guy: Hey, little buddy. Let me tell you about my weekend.
Carol: "I'd like to take advantage of our new family friendly policy." "Three of my kids have bronchitis, two have dental appointments, one is in a school play, and one has a rugby game." "In all likelihood, you will never see me again." The boss: "We didn't think this through."
Catbert: "We've decided to be more family friendly in our policies." "To compensate for the lost productivity, we'll be openly hostile to single people." Dilbert: "That doesn't seem fair." Catbert: "Shut up and get back to work, eunuch!"
Man: "Alice, Did you hear I'm getting a cubicle by the window?" Alice: "Although I wouldn't want that cubicle because of the glare, the fact that you want it makes me hate you for getting it." Man: "We're like a family here." Alice: "I hope it collapses on your head!"
The boss: "I can't give you a raise because you ask me too many questions." "That's a sign that you can't do your job." Dilbert: "I anticipated your misperception and prepared for it." "I saved all of my e-mails and matched them to your policies and procedures." "For example, this is your e-mail saying we need your permission to buy software." "And here's my e-mail asking if I can buy some software." "Should I run through the other seven hundred documented examples?" The Boss: "There you go asking another question."
Catbert, evil director of human resources Catbert: "Our new policy is no drinking coffee during work." "That should remove all doubt that our policies are designed for any reason other than evil." Dilbert: "Your honesty is refreshing." Catbert: "Stop ruining the moment!!!"
"What's that thing doing here?" "This is my daughter, Traylor." "I brought her to the office so she can learn about working in a corporate environment." "Okay, whatever. I have a new project for you." "Some idiot cut his finger. Now we have to do a safety awareness campaign." "Put on this dog costume. You're the mascot for our 'Spot' the safety hazard campaign." "Whenever anyone walks by, you say, 'Woof woof, don't use scissors.'" "Can I get a tattoo?" "Sure."