First And Third Wives Comic Strips - Page 8

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587 Results for First And Third Wives

View 71 - 80 results for first and third wives comic strips. Discover the best "First And Third Wives" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #waiter, #restaurant, #service industry, #impatient, #patience, #complaining

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Waiter: Here are your french fries. Dilbert: Gaaaa!!! I have no salt. Waiter: I will bring the salt right away. Dilbert: No, you won't. This isn't my first time eating out! You say you will bring salt, but you will be distracted by another table. I will sit here in anger while I watch you do things that do not involve bringing me salt. As the temperature of my fries drops, my cortisol levels will increase. In five minutes I will hate your guts and this restaurant, too. I also need ketchup. Waiter: That will take a little longer.

Bug In The Platform

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Bug In The Platform - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #excuse, #laziness, #proof

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Boss: Did you add the new feature yet? Wally: No, I had to fix a critical bug in the platform first. Boss: I have no way to verify that claim. Wally: That's why it's a good one.

Looks Good But Won't Work

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Looks Good But Won't Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ideas, #impracticality, #managers, #leadership, #threat

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Boss: The one they call Dilbert suggested we do something that looks good but won't work. CEO: Is this the first trace of management potential you've seen from him? Boss: You think it's a fluke? CEO: Let's keep an eye on it.

Boss Thought Of It First

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Boss Thought Of It First - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #credit, #ideas, #thinking

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Alice: And that's my idea. I think it's brilliant. Boss: I thought of that idea right before you said it. Alice: What are the odds of that? Boss: It happens to me all the time.

Boss Doesn't See Email

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Boss Doesn't See Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #space, #astronaut, #engineering, #laziness, #bureaucracy, #accident

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Boss: The crew of our first spaceship suffocated on the launchpad. Apparently, I got an email last week asking for approval to repair the oxygen generator. Carol: You killed them with your incompetence? Boss: I can't take all the credit. It was a team effort.

Picking The Spaceship Staff

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Picking The Spaceship Staff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #space, #space flight, #rocket, #death, #sacrifice, #astronaut, #medical

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CEO: How's the Mars spaceship project going? Boss: Good. I picked our worst employees to be on the first test flight, just in case it explodes. CEO: Good thinking. Boss: We have two ways to win and no way to lose.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jargon, #speech, #words, #nonsense, #training, #trainee, #strategy, #laziness

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Boss: Wally, I want you to train our new hire. Wally: The first thing you need to know is that we never use the DPX system when the MGB is down. Man: The... what and the what? Wally: Hold your questions till the end. You can use our PX4 to tunnel into the B9 data and produce at TMNP report. But you'll need authorization from the LDG and the MICOO. Man: I don't understand any of that! Wally: I toldy you to hold your questions until the end. Always remember to jost the primpram whenever the gip is fleeming toward kilp. Man: Maybe I should ask someone else to train me. Wally: Now we're making progress.

Boss Wrecks Car

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Boss Wrecks Car - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #text, #distraction, #texting, #murder, #plot, #driving

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Boss: I wrecked my car because I was responding to your urgent text. For the third time in a row. Carol: What are you implying? Boss: Are you trying to kill me? Carol: I blame your bad judgment.

Texting The Boss

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Texting The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #texting, #driving, #distraction, #trick, #murder, #killing, #malice

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Carol: Hold on, I have to text my boss while he's driving. I'll say it's a crisis so he has to text back. Dilbert: Is it legal to kill him that way? Carol: Yes, I checked with a lawyer first.

Airport Security

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Airport Security - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #embarrassment, #viral video

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Dilbert: My business trip didn't go well. I took off my belt for airport security and my pants fell off. Someone took a video and everyone is sharing it. Wally: This is literally the first time I wish I had friends.