Friday Meetings Comic Strips - Page 8

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View 71 - 80 results for friday meetings comic strips. Discover the best "Friday Meetings" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #efficiency experts, #employee tracking, #wandering aorund, #meetings, #restroom trips, #employee monitoring, #wrist monitor, #low levels of caffeine, #typos up, #beat authority figure, #tablet computer, #danger signals, #workloads

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Boss: Okay, let's see how employee 3452378 is doing. According to our employee tracking system, you have wandered around the office 17% more than the average employee. Dilbert: Maybe I have more meetings than most people. Boss: No, most of the difference is in restroom trips and detours past an attractive woman's desk. Your wrist monitor shows unacceptably low levels of caffeine for your workload. That's probably why your typos are up 9% and you have looked away from your workstation nine more times than last month. Now your wrist monitor indicated a desire to bean an authority figure to death with his own tablet computer. Phew! Your brain's wuss subroutine just kicked in. The danger has passed.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #studies, #healthy exercise, #healthier lifestyle, #poor health, #ruin meeting, #attend stupid meetings

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CEO: Studies show that people who exercise are healthier. Wally: That's because people who are in poor health don't exercise. CEO: Why does it seem as if you ruin every meeting? Wally: Is it because I only attend the ones that are stupid?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #managers & supervisors, #questioning, #jeff bezos rule, #rule of meetings, #two pizzas, #feed a meeting, #eat two pizzas, #zeros paradox, #feed everyone, #cheese bread, #business

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Boss: We're going to use the Jeff Bezos rule of meetings. Bezos says you should never have a meeting that is so big you can't feed everyone with two pizzas. Wally: I can eat two pizzas by myself. Alice: How do you count the people who have gluten sensitivity and don't eat pizza? Dilbert: If I apply Zeno's Paradox to the slice size, can I have infinite attendees? Wally: And what does it mean to "feed" everyone? Do they need to be totally full? Boss: Stop being engineers! Wally: How does cheese bread fit into this?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #discussion, #meetings, #drink coffee, #decisons, #wise

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Boss: Let's drink coffee together while I say wise things about business. Wally: Nothing would make us happier. Dilbert: Whataya got? Boss: The only reason to have meetings is to make decisions. Wally: That sounded very wise. Dilbert: Totally. Boss: I know. I"m kind of proud of that one. Wally: So what happens when you get in a meeting and realize you don't have all of the information you need to make a decision? Boss: This works better if you two don't talk.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #irony, #meetings, #work ethic, #time in meetings, #waste of time

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Wally: I'm happy to report that I spent 50% more time in meetings this quarter. Boss: That's not an accomplishment! Meetings are a complete waste of time! Wally: How would I have learned that without a meeting?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #prices, #executive coaching, #meetings

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Dogbert The Executive Coach Dogbert: The ROI for executive coaching is 9,000%. CEO: Wow! That's a lot! But I need a coach who won't ask em to do anything differently. Dogbert: I wasn't planning to show up for our meetings. CEO: Perfect. How much do I owe you for today?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #telephones, #work ethic, #teleconference, #phone on mute, #nap, #weaselable

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Coworker: Can you attend our Tuesday meeting? Wally: I'll teleconference. Coworker: That will make me wonder if you called in, put your phone on mute, and took a nap. Wally: We useless people call that weaselable doubt.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #work ethic, #attend meetings, #add value, #big idea guy, #conceptualist

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Coworker: You attend all of my project meetings but you never add value. Wally: I'm more of a big idea guy-- a conceptualist, if you will. Coworker: Okay, what's your big idea? Wally: Okay, here's where my system breaks down.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #hypocrisy, #managers & supervisors, #shut out, #meetings, #unsolvable, #business

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Boss: Asok, I can't promote you because the other managers don't know you. Asok: That's because you shut me out of meetings and take credit for my work. Boss: That sounds unsolvable.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #questioning, #stand ups, #no chairs, #more focused, #loosening dress code, #pants and chairs

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Boss: Starting next week, our meetings will be "stand-ups" with no chairs, so we'll be more focused. Dilbert: So you examined all of the problems in the company and decided the root cause was chairs? Boss: We're also loosening the dress code. Dilbert: So our problems are chairs and pants?