Going Now Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Going Now

View 71 - 80 results for going now comic strips. Discover the best "Going Now" comics from Dilbert.com.

Boss Comes To Work Sick

Thank you for voting.
Boss Comes To Work Sick  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 14, 2018's comic on:


Tags #sick, #sickness, #illness, #contagious, #sick days, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I have to warn you-- I have a fever and I'm tripping on cold medicine. Alice: Thank you for coming to work and infecting all of us, you selfish, addle-brained plague rat. Boss: I was going for "courageous." Dilbert: Do Wally first, so I can watch him spasm.

Purchasing Did Not Order Part

Thank you for voting.
Purchasing Did Not Order Part - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 2018's comic on:


Tags #delays, #excuses, #laziness, #work ethic, #scapegoat, #deadline, #delay

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: The purchasing department rejected my request for a key system part because of a typo on their form. But they didn't tell me for three months, so now my product launch will be delayed by that much. Boss: But they finally ordered the part? Wally: I call that unknowable.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 2018's comic on:


Tags #valor, #awards, #bragging, #laziness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The employee award for valor goes to Wally. During the false alarm, we noticed Wally was not with the other evacuees. He stayed behind to make sure everyone else got out. At least that's what he told us later. Wally, do you have any words of inspiration for the group? Wally: Most of you are cowards. But imagine how good you would feel winning a non-monetary award for valor. Now I ask all of you to think about how you can repay me for my selfless valor on your behalf. Dilbert: Did you sleep through the fire alarm? Wally: Most productive nap I've ever had.

Aggressive Littering

Thank you for voting.
Aggressive Littering - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 2018's comic on:


Tags #guilt, #plea, #charges, #littering, #murder, #rich people, #discrimination

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I thought you were going to jail for murdering the clients of your cryogenic investment firm. Dogbert: I argued that my clients were already dead. The judge reduced the charge to "aggressive littering." Dilbert: You kicked two-hundred unfrozen brains into the river. Dogbert: You sound just like that angry prosecutor.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 2018's comic on:


Tags #memory, #demagoguery, #social media, #Opinion, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: You said you hated this idea last week, but now you say you like it. How do you explain your flip-flopping? Dilbert: I always liked the idea. Nothing changed. Man: Hahaha! Nice try! You're back-pedaling because I busted you. Dilbert: Here is my email trail from the first moment the idea came up. As you can plainly see, I have liked the idea from the start. Any questions? Boss: Why is it so hard for you to admit you were wrong?

No Path To Success

Thank you for voting.
No Path To Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2018's comic on:


Tags #proof, #guilt, #exoneration, #accusation, #negative

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I emailed you proof that you were wrong when you accused me of deleting Alice's project files. Boss: Now I hate you for always needing to be right. Dilbert: I don't see a path to success here. Boss: Your negativity is like a cancer in the workplace.

How Conspiracy Theories Start

Thank you for voting.
How Conspiracy Theories Start  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 2018's comic on:


Tags #conspiracy, #aspersions, #guilt, #innocence, #blame

View Transcript

Transcript

Narrator: How conspiracy theories start. Alice: I can't find my spreadsheet files. Asok: I saw Dilbert going into the server room. Alice: That doesn't mean any... Asok: Carol said he was mad about something you said. Narrator: Continued...

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 2018's comic on:


Tags #surveillance, #spying, #technology, #lying, #caught, #busted, #guilt, #proof

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Why didn't you answer my email? Boss: I didn't get it. Dilbert: My lie-detector app detected stress in your voice. I checked your email history on the server, and it confirms you opened my email. Boss: That could have been a hacker with my password. Dilbert: I'm checking the security camera footage for your office at that time. And there you are opening my email. Now will you admit you got my email? Boss: I'm seriously considering it.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2018's comic on:


Tags #training, #frustration, #wasting time

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Thank you all for coming to this mandatory class on using the new system. The new system installation is behind schedule, so I'll train you using the old system. Dilbert: we know how to use the old system. Man: I'll point out how the new system is different as we go. Dilbert: Is the new system a lot like the old system? Man: No. Totally different. Dilbert: This is the worst idea I've ever heard. Man: Here are some handouts from the old system's operating guide. Dilbert: This is the Japanese language part of the manual. Man: Are you going to complain about everything?

Anyone Fired Lately

Thank you for voting.
Anyone Fired Lately - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2018's comic on:


Tags #blame, #fired, #scapegoat, #laziness, #excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Before I give my project status report, has anyone quit or been fired recently? Boss: I fired Ted last week. Now tell me why your project is late. Wally: It was Ted's fault.