Government Access Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

97 Results for Government Access

View 71 - 80 results for government access comic strips. Discover the best "Government Access" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bailout loan, #excellent lobbyists, #taxpayers give money, #leagl

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "The government is giving us a bailout loan because we have excellent lobbyists!" The Boss exclaims, "Ha ha! Taxpayers will give us money so we can build overpriced products to sell to taxpayers!" Dilbert turns to The Boss and says, "Remind me again why any of this is legal." The Boss replies, "Wuss."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #use vacation time, #finish project, #find solution, #come to work on vacation, #network remotely

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, you need to use your vacation time before the end of the year." Alice responds, "I don't have time. I need to finish my project." The Boss responds, "I'm sure that a highly trained engineer like you can find a solution." Alice responds, "Well.. I could say I'm on vacation and come to work as usual." The Boss responds, "No. I can't count it as vacation unless you're not in the building." Alice responds, "Okay.. I could take home my computer and work there." The Boss says, "No... You're not allowed to access our network remotely." Alice stands outside and leans through a window to use her computer. She thinks, "#!&#% worst vacation ever."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #enjoyment, #fire you, #free country, #free speech, #outside of work, #pastry, #criticize government

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok, The Boss, and Wally are eating donuts and drinking coffee. Asok says, "The great thing about free speech is that I can criticize the government." The Boss replies, "I'd fire you." Asok says, "I mean outside of work." The Boss responds, "I'd fire you for that too." Asok asks, "May I express enjoyment of my pastry?" The Boss replies, "Sure. It's a free country."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accepting bribes, #vendor, #golf lessons, #trip to veags, #price sheets

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol sits between the Boss and Catbert. Catbert scolds Carol, saying "BAD!" while the Boss says, "Carol, you can't keep accepting bribes from salespeople who want access to me." Carol replies, "Didn't a vendor just take you on a golf trip to Vegas?" The Boss says, "That is so-o-o!" Carol replies, "Let's compare price sheets."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #research dept, #study, #value of research, #just lie, #no research, #industry salaries, #two oclock, #quitting time, #role model

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice sits next to The Boss and a mandattan place.. The Boss points out, "Our special guest is Tod, from our researced paper." Tod says, "We recently did a study to access the value of our previous research." Tod hands out papers and says, "Sadly, all of our past work was either ignoed or totally misintrepreted by idiots.." Tod says, ".. such as yoursleves." Tod says, "So from now on, rather that do research we''ll just lie. Tod says, "Play along and and we'll make sure the 'industry salaries' study goes your way." Tod says, "Well, it's two o'clock, and that's quitting time in the research department." Wally tells Dilbert, "" You're not my role mdoel anymore!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deputy of common sense, #safety inspector, #after insepction, #determine pay, #decrease in accidents, #trips wally

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert, Deputy of Common Sense, stands a filing cabnet and says, "Are you the government safety inspector?" The inspector says, "Yup. I love my job." Dogbert watches as the inspector trips Wally and notes something on his clipboard. Wally's glasses fall off and he says, "HEY!" Dogbert puts his hand on his gun and says, "How does your boss determine your pay?" The inspector writes something down and says, "It's based on the decrease in accidents after my inspection."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #installation successful, #second digital, #access internet, #tradition requires, #victory dance, #engineers, #kill him, #justified

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of his home computer. Dilbert thinks, "The installation is successful. I have 128 kilobits per second of digital access to the internet." Dilbert dances. Dilbert thinks, "As tradition requires, I do the engineer's victory dance." Dogbert films with a video camera. Dogbert says, "...so if I ever have to kill him, the jury will realize it was justified." Ratbert asks, "Could you hurry?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alice, #email messages, #melrose place, #monkey love, #strategic edits, #total access, #network administrator

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on a desk chair and thinks, "I have total access to every employee's e-mail messages." Dogbert thinks, "With a few strategic edits I will transform the office into 'Melrose Place.'" Wally says to Alice, "Yes, Alice . . . I WILL be your 'monkey of love.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #access, #due dilogence, #information, #maniacal laughter, #merger, #phase, #proprietary

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss sits across from two men from the buying company who are sitting on a couch. One man says, "In the 'due diligence' phase of our merger you will give us access to all of your proprietary information." The Boss asks, "Wouldn't that let you know how to crush us competitively? Couldn't you cancel the merger and take our customers without paying a cent?" As the two men struggle to control themselves, they think, "Must . . . contain maniacal . . . laugh . . ."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss evil, #entity from another dimension, #synergies, #win win solution, #delight every customer, #new internet access, #tour of cubicles

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert lies on a couch in a psychiatrist's office. The therapist asks, "When did you start believing that your boss was an evil entity from another dimension?" Dilbert imagines the Boss telling him, "I'd like to sit in on your customer meeting." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." The Boss, Dilbert and a woman sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Let me share the high level strategic view." Dilbert thinks, "Here we go." The Boss spreads his arms and says, "Life began in the primordial stew literally hundreds of years ago . . ." The Boss continues, "But we are the only company who ever found synergies in our win-win solutions!" The caption says, "Two hours later." The Boss says, "And we won't sop until we delight every customer!" The woman looks shocked and Dilbert covers his eyes. The customer says, "I'd be delighted if you just told me about your new Internet access product." The Boss replies, "I cancelled the funding yesterday." The Boss stands up and says, "Who's up for a tour of our cubicles?" Dilbert says, "Gotta go."