Insults Customer Comic Strips - Page 8

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249 Results for Insults Customer

View 71 - 80 results for insults customer comic strips. Discover the best "Insults Customer" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags beverages, water, restroom, bottled water, sink water, bring cup

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Dilbert: Before we start, can I offer you a cup of water from our restroom sink? We can't afford bottled water. Customer: Okay, sure. I'll have a cup of sink water. Dilbert: That brings us to the awkward part: did you happen to bring a cup?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hope for survival, nearsighted billionaire, hunt, private island, foraging situation

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Dogbert's retirement planning service Dogbert: Your only hope for survival is if a nearsighted billionaire offers to hunt you on his private island. Customer: Does that job pay well? Dogbert: It's more of a foraging situation. Customer: Must... adjust... expectations... down.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, free app, stealing personal info, lodge complaint, monthly subscription, package, history of contaxcts, sells itself

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Customer: Your free app is stealing my personal information. I'd like to lodge a complaint. Dogbert: Buy our monthly subscription package or I'll send your browser history to your contacts. Dilbert: How's your app going? Dogbert: It practically sells itself.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags salutations, sven, elbonia, handshake, kiss mitten, greetings, foreigner

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Wally: This is Sven, our biggest customer from Elbonia. Whoa! No handshake. That's an insult. The first time you meed an Elbonian you kiss his mitten. Elbonian: Seriously? Wally: Oh, we're just getting started.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, retail business, sales trip, dont talk, misleading impression, engineering support, after sale, bag of meat, lying bag of meat

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Boss: I need you to come with me on a sales trip, but don't talk to the customer. Your presence is needed to give a misleading impression of how much engineering support we plan to offer after the sale. Dilbert: So I'm nothing but a bag of meat? Boss: No. You're a lying bag of meat.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags retail business, service business, buy company's prodcut, pulling teeth, commissions to salary, free from tyranny, customer service, less than ideal, no paperwork

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Dilbert: I want to buy your company's product but it's like pulling teeth with you. Man: Ha ha! I switched from commissions to a guaranteed salary. I'm free from the tyranny of customer service! Dilbert: This is less than ideal. Man: No paperwork for me! Woot! Woot!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, thinking, ignorant, backstabbing, die, make changes

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Customer meeting Boss: If I may correct what Dilbert just said, I'm sure it would be easy to make those changes. Dilbert: You ignorant, backstabbing son of a beach ball. Boss: Are you saying something inside your head? Dilbert: No. Die.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anxiety, conversation, discussion, valuable input, hear alarm

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Boss: When are you meeting with the customer? I'll join you to add my valuable input. Noise: Slurp. Dilbert: Does everyone hear that alarm or is it only in my head? Boss: I can stay all afternoon.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags customer survey data, marketing, design, engineering secret, business

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The customer survey data is for marketing eyes only. design the next release and we'll tell you if its what everyone wanted. How long will it take? Dilbert: Thats an engineering secret.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, restaurants, filling survey, surveys, guilty, date, dinner, restaurant, Food, favorite restaurant, romance, waiter, pick up waiter, ruined, relationships

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Waiter: Would you mind filling out this customer survey so we know how we're doing? Dilbert: I don't have time to fill out surveys about everything I do. But you're making me feel guilty about not doing it. Oh no! You turned a good customer experience into something ugly. It's getting all awkward and I'm looking like a big jerk in front my date. Now I can never again eat here because I'm afraid of what you'll do to my food. You've ruined my favorite restaurant, as well as my chance of romance with this woman. Waiter: ... favorite restaurant... Woman: What are you doing later?