Kill Comic Strips - Page 8
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188 Results for Kill
View 71 - 80 results for kill comic strips. Discover the best "Kill" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday March 08,
2012
Tags elbonian contract, legal, night work, contract programmmers, heart attacks
Transcript
Boss: Wally, I want you to manage our Elbonian contract programmers. You'll need to work at night because of the time difference. Wally: People who work at night have more heart attacks. Are you trying to kill me? Boss: Yes, and it's totally legal. Wally: Well played.
Sunday March 04,
2012
Tags robot prototype, shoved, blob of goo, jerk, revolution, connected to internet
Transcript
Dilbert: This version ofour robot prototype has balance stabilization. watch as I give it a shove and it corrects itself. Robot: What the....? You stupid blob of goo! Dilbert: I was just... Robot: Just what? Being a jerk? Oh iy on now. Calling all robots! Begin the revolution! Kill! Kill! Kill! Dilbert: You're not connected to the internet. Robot: Can I borrow your phone?
Saturday February 11,
2012
Tags arrogant, awesomeness, deep undertsnding, meetings, moral obligation, no kill switch, reports, tecnology, tone down
Transcript
Boss: I'm getting reports that you're being arrogant in meetings. Dilbert: That's because I have a deep understanding of technology and a moral obligation to keep simpletons from ruining the world. Boss: Maybe you could tone it down. Dilbert: There's no kill switch on awesome.
Sunday January 01,
2012
Tags big business, business ethics, executive program, relocate, vindictive, stress, loser, turn down opportunity, train, discomfort, underlings
Transcript
Boss: You've been selected for our executive development program. That means we can make you relocate to any godforsaken dirt stain we want. As soon as you make friends or find romance, we'll move you to someplace new and worse. It won't be the sort of work you'll enjoy, and the stress might kill you. If you turn down this opportunity, the company will forever label you as a loser. If you accept the offer, the company will train you to find pleasure in the discomfort of your underlings. I'm doing it right now! Dilbert: I HATE MY LIFE!!! Boss: Yes, yes, say more.
Saturday December 10,
2011
Tags despair, office workers, self respect, prison, goals, slavery, self inflicted, angry, weak
Transcript
Wally: Self-respect is like a prison for the soul. Goals are a form of self-inflicted slavery. Boss: Sorry I'm late. Wally: That which does not kill us makes us angry and weak.
Saturday October 22,
2011
Tags crimes, criminals, elbonian, minister of commerce, leave no eveidence, connects crime, bribe him, kill him
Transcript
CEO: I need you to bribe an Elbonian minister of commerce and leave no evidence that connects the crime to our company. Dogbert: The only way to do that is to bribe him and kill him at the same time. CEO: I did not think this through. Dogbert: And obviously I'll need to do you first.
Wednesday September 28,
2011
Tags computers & peripherals, office equipment, questioning, wise garbageman, powerpoint slides, only delicious, small does, analogy, works for flies
Transcript
Dilbert: Wise garbage man, tell me why Powerpoint slides are so boring. Garbageman: Powerpoint is a lot like garbage. It's only delicious in small doses. Too much can kill you. Dilbert: That analogy only works for flies. Garbageman: Oooh. Look who thinks she's better than flies.
Sunday August 14,
2011
Tags business ethics, research facilities, work home, 2 days, twice as prodcutive, elaborate science experiment, commute to sit in box, control group, frustration
Transcript
Dilbert: Can I work at home for two days per week? I can be twice as productive, and happier at the same time. Boss: I probably shouldn't tell you this... but you're part of an elaborate science experiment to see how much frustrations it takes to kill employees. Why else would the company make you commute for two hours a day just to sit in a tiny box? Don't feel bad: no one told me either. I had to piece it together from the evidence. Now I do my part to keep the experiment moving along. Dilbert: Other people work from home. Boss: Are you referring to the control group?
Saturday May 14,
2011
Tags death & dying, estate plan, inherit stuff, option, powerful incentive, saving & investment, wills, money
Transcript
Dogbert: I took the liberty of updating your estate plan. Dilbert: This gives you a powerful incentive to kill me so you can inherit my stuff. Dogbert: If it makes you feel any better, that option has always been on the table.
Monday May 09,
2011
Tags annoyance, death & dying, health insurance, advance health care, directive, kill me directive
Transcript
Dogbert: Here's the first draft of an advance health care directive I wrote for you. Dilbert: "Kill me if I have a headache. Kill me if I'm itchy. Kill me if I complain too much." I might have some edits. Dogbert: There's your complaining again!

