Light Show Comic Strips - Page 8

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366 Results for Light Show

View 71 - 80 results for light show comic strips. Discover the best "Light Show" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2013's comic on:


Tags #executives, #prices, #executive coaching, #meetings

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Dogbert The Executive Coach Dogbert: The ROI for executive coaching is 9,000%. CEO: Wow! That's a lot! But I need a coach who won't ask em to do anything differently. Dogbert: I wasn't planning to show up for our meetings. CEO: Perfect. How much do I owe you for today?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2013's comic on:


Tags #embarrassment, #internet & world wide web, #interviews, #resume, #old way, #job interview, #data online data, #ew, #disgust, #walked out

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Boss: I don't need to see your resume. That's the old way of hiring. Now we use data from the Internet to see what you've been up to lately. Ew. Applicant: I'll show myself out. Boss: You'll understand if I don't shake your hand.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 2013's comic on:


Tags #natural disasters, #disaster preparedness, #famine, #keyboard, #crumbs, #alene invasion, #kill a coworker, #lizard people, #impending collison, #asteroid, #running in place, #earth rotates, #planet, #hit by asteroid, #human flesh, #presentation is a disater

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Wally: I've been asked to explain our disaster preparedness plan. In the event of a famine, turn your keyboard upside down and shake. If it's anything like mine, you'll find a pound and a half of crumbs. In the event of an alien invasion, your best bet is to kill a co-worker to show your allegiance to the lizard-people. In the event of an impending collision with an asteroid, try running in place while the Earth rotates. If you time it right, you'll be on the other side of the planet when the asteroid hits. To prepare for every other type of disaster, I recommend cultivating a taste for human flesh. Boss: Your presentation is a disaster. Wally: And next time you'll be prepared for it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2013's comic on:


Tags #employees, #laziness, #insuffcemt light, #interpret, #accomplishments, #project team, #buzzwords, #duplicates, #harvesting organs, #business

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Boss: Wally, this is my brother, Phil, The Prince of Insufficient Light. I asked him to interpret your accomplishments for this quarter. Phil You have 25 alleged accomplishments. Eight of these accomplishments involved simply being on a project team that did something. Nine accomplishments involved fixing problems you created. Five of these are just buzzwords that don't mean anything. And three are duplicates that you reworded to appear different. I'd recommend harvesting his organs, but those probably don't work either. Wally: That's just mean.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 2013's comic on:


Tags #deception, #joking, #natural leader, #gulliable

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Wally: Studies show that you can identify a natural leader by the way he says the word "gullible." Boss: Gullible! Gullible! Gullible! Gullible! Gullible! Gullible! Wally: Sometimes I love my job.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2013's comic on:


Tags #interviews, #lying, #job interview, #exaggerate credntials, #more effective, #business skill, #misleading, #convince customers, #prodcuts, #dupe some idiot, #learn tech skills, #honesty, #hr, #send offer, #liar

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Dilbert: You look good on paper, but how do I know you aren't lying about your skills? Interviewee: You should hope I am lying. Studies show that people who exaggerate their credentials tend to be more effective once hired. That's because misleading people is a valuable business skill. For example, I might need to convince our customers that our products are better than the competition. Or I might need to dupe some idiot into leaving my cubicle so I can concentrate. Anyone can learn technical skills, but lying is an art form. Dilbert: He doesn't have an honest bone in his body. Boss: Perfect. I'll tell Human Resources to send him an offer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 21, 2013's comic on:


Tags #catch, #fall, #fall back, #frustration, #gone wrong, #learn trust, #lesson, #questioning, #test fall, #tolerate co owrkers

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Asok: Wally, how can I learn to tolerate my co-workers? Wally: It is time for you to learn about trust, Asok. Let me show you. Turn around. This is called the "trust fall." You fall backward and trust me to catch you... go. Asok: Why didn't you catch me?!!! Wally: It wouldn't be trust if it worked every time. Asok: What kind of lesson is that? Wally: This is how I tolerate my co-workers.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 2013's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #well rested people, #nap, #ignore science, #synchronize questions, #banana eating

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Wally: Studies show that well-rested people are more productive. Should I go take a nap or should I ignore science like some sort of pointy-haired baboon? I like to synchronize my questions to his banana-eating.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 2013's comic on:


Tags #designers, #ignorance (knowledge), #black buttons, #black case, #hardware, #user interface, #normal light, #nerdy, #art, #package design

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Dilbert: You designed our hardware with black buttons on a black case. The user interface will be invisible in normal light. Designer: But more important, it looks great! Dilbert: You don't know what "important" means, do you? Designer: It sounds nerdy. I majored in art.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 2013's comic on:


Tags #angel, #fix things, #granted wishes, #know it all, #needy, #questions, #things gone wrong, #workers, #angel of competence

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Angel: I am the angel of competence. I have come to mark you as an engineer turn around, Dilbert: So, its like an honor? Angel: Sure, if that makes you feel better. The Boss: Can you show me how to set ups my wireless router at home? Tina: My phone keeps freezing up, can you look at it? Ted: How long should I barbecue trick-tip? Man: The pilot lightly on my water heater is out, How do you fix cracks in a driveway? what exactly does iCloud do? GAAA!!! Dilbert: I need to talk to the angel of competence have you seen him? Wally: He died in my cubicle, Thats all Im saying.