Managers Comic Strips - Page 8

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596 Results for Managers

View 71 - 80 results for managers comic strips. Discover the best "Managers " comics from Dilbert.com.

Boss Hires Stalker

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Boss Hires Stalker - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, employees, managers & supervisors, technology, working, remote, stalker, window, homes

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boss on video conference with dilbert and wally. boss: it's challenging to manage employees who are working remotely. dilbert sitting in arm chair listening boss: so i hired a stalker to look in the windows at your homes and tell me what he sees. he lasted on day. wally sitting in chair wearing shorts and no shirt: sorry. that's on me.

Online Class Muted

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Online Class Muted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, technology, online, training, diversity, inclusion, mute, course, confess, idiots

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boss: my records show you completed the online training for diversity and inclusion. apparently, you did not know we can detect it when you have the sound muted during the entire course. colleague: oops. dilbert: you can do that? Boss: no, but i can trick most of you idiots into confessing.

Real Men Multitask

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Real Men Multitask  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, software, software design, concentrate, multitask, distraction, kill, error

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boss: do you ever think about the fact that one small error in your software design could kill hundreds of people? all it would take is some kind of distraction while you are trying to concentrate. dilbert: are you done? boss: a real man could multitask in this situation.

Cushion In Schedule

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Cushion In Schedule - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, weekend, work, deadline, due date, schedule, input, critical, liar, credibility, exaggerate

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dilbert: i worked all weekend to get this done for you by the deadline. boss: thanks, but i won't need it for another two weeks. dilbert: then...why did you tell me the deadline was today? boss: i built some cushion into the schedule. dilbert: you mean, you lied to me about the real deadline. in other words, you don't trust me, you are a liar, and i should never believe you again. boss: but you didn't miss the deadline! dilbert: okay, well, at least my input is critical to our success. boss: i might have exaggerated that.

Ted Liked A Tweet

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Ted Liked A Tweet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employment, managers & supervisors, fired, business, twitter, tweet, hacked, technology, social media, file, lie, plausible, liked, unacceptable

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boss: ted, i have to fire you for liking an unacceptable tweet seven years ago on twitter. ed: it..it..wasn't me. someone hacked my account, or maybe my finger slipped. boss: which lie do you want me to put in your file? ted: did either of them sound plausible?

No Performance Reviews

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No Performance Reviews  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, employment, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, technology, Political, social, opinions, ranking, acceptable

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boss in staff meeting: the company will no longer do performance reviews. from now on, you will be ranked on the acceptability of your political and social opinions. dilbert: do you have a list of acceptable opinions? boss: there will be no hints.

Banana Is Not An Apple

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Banana Is Not An Apple - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, apple, argue, banana, business, doctored image, google, managers & supervisors, search, wrong

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dilbert holding out banana: i'm not hungry today. do you want my banana? boss: that's an apple. dilbert: um..no this is a banana. boss: clearly it is not. dilbert: i can't believe you are making me do a google search to prove i know what a banana is. see? those are bananas. this looks just like the photos. this is a banana. those images are doctored. dilbert yelling: there are a million banana images! they are not all doctored! boss: you know how i know you are wrong? because you never admit you are wrong. gotcha! dilbert yelling: that is not a thing!!! boss: that's exactly what all the people who are wrong say.

Boss Bluffs On Blockchain

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Boss Bluffs On Blockchain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, blockchain, byte, code, consensus, bluff

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boss in meeting: i'm no expert on blockchain, but i think... we need to get the evm stack on the bytecode so we don't run into a consensus fork. boss to ted: did that mean anything? ted: don't ask me. i'm bluffing too.

Boss Ear Piece

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Boss Ear Piece - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags answers, blockchain, business, ear piece, evil, ignorance, managers & supervisors, smart, technology

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boss: later i have a meeting about blockchain and i don't understand anything about it. i'll be wearing this earpiece, and i want you to feed me smart lines. dilbert at home talking to dogbert: do you want to do something evil? dogbert: say no more. give me that.

Credit Goes To Boss

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Credit Goes To Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, business, culture, idea, managers & supervisors, ownership, report, technology

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boss: i realize this report has dilbert's name on it, but the credit goes to me. because i ordered him to do it. dilbert: actually, i came up with the idea and wrote it on my own time. boss: well, i created the culture that made it all possible. dilbert yelling: i did the work!!!