Mean Comic Strips - Page 8
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333 Results for Mean
View 71 - 80 results for mean comic strips. Discover the best "Mean" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday November 26,
2014
I Need Solutions Not Unexpected Problems
Tags authority, convincing, managers, managers & supervisors, launch deadline, solutions, unexpected problems, business
Transcript
Boss: Are you going to meet the launch deadline? Dilbert: No. There were unexpected problems. Boss: I need solutions, not unexpected problems! Did that mean anything? Dilbert: Almost. Good try.
Friday November 14,
2014
Hiring A Co Ceo
Tags ceos, executives, wages, work ethic, co ceo, break tie, manioulate, pay, hire, split salary, money
Transcript
CEO: I decided to hire a co-CEO to share the job with me. Dilbert: I assume you know that having a co-CEO does not mean you get paid the same while working half as much. CEO: Can I fire you? Co-CEO: No, we need a third CEO to break the tie.
Thursday November 13,
2014
Memorial Service For Ted
Tags funerals, memorial, cake, ballons, tasteful, mime, pretend, invisible box, hire entertainment, clueless
Transcript
Boss: I need you to organize some sort of memorial thing for Fred. Carol: You mean Ted. Boss: I'm thinking cake and balloons in the break room. Is that tasteful enough? Carol: I could hire a mime to pretend he's in an invisible box.
Wednesday September 17,
2014
Tags executives, good leader, willing, disliked, great leader, litening, expectations, very unliked
Transcript
CEO: A good leader has to be willing to be disliked. Dilbert: You must be a great leader. CEO: What do you mean by that? Dilbert: Sorry. I didn't expect you to be listening to me.
Sunday September 07,
2014
Tags assumption, business ethics, buy prodcuts, corporate strategy, corporation, customer centric, etiquette & ethics, evil, executives, ideas, marketing campaign, monopoly, needs, needs of customers, psychological manipulation
Transcript
CEO: I welcome any input on our corporate strategy. Dilbert: I think we need to be more customer-centric. CEO: You mean raise our prices? Dilbert: I mean focus on the needs of our customers. CEO: You mean we should be a monopoly so they need us? Dilbert: Um, no. We should find out what they need and then give it to them. CEO: They need to buy our products. Dilbert: They probably don't. CEO: So you're saying our marketing campaign should use psychological manipulation to make people think they need our products. You finally had a good idea. Dilbert: I'm going to stop talking now.
Sunday August 17,
2014
Tags behind schedule, obstical, projects, sound dumb, three engineers, time management skills
Transcript
Boss: All of your projects are behind schedule. You need to work on your time management skills. Dilbert:Let me see if I understand you correctly. You expect me to do the job of three engineers... ...and the only obstical to your brilliant plan os my poor time management? Boss: Stop making everything I say sound dumb. Dilbert: I dont do it that often. Because you only sound dumb when people understand what you mean. Boss: And thats too Often! Dilbert: Once a week tops.
Monday August 11,
2014
Tags consumes resources, cruelty, gentle with crticism, software, soils itself, technology, tradition, useless blob, engineering
Transcript
Coworker: Tradition requires you to disparage every technology decision made before you got involved. But please be gentle with your criticism of my software. It's like my baby. Dilbert: If you mean your software is a useless blob that consumes resources and soils itself, we are in agreement.
Friday August 01,
2014
Tags executives, obliviousness, act like start up, ask for funding, hacker
Transcript
CEO: We need to act more like a start-up. Dilbert: You mean we can ask for funding for one thing and then pivot six times and build something entirely different? CEO: Is there a version where we don't do any of that and I can still call myself a hacker?
Saturday July 19,
2014
Tags thinking, secret to success, keeping things simple, absolute, realtive, alternatives
Transcript
Boss: The secret to success is keeping things simple. Dilbert: Do you mean simple in an absolute sense or relative to the alternatives? Boss: It depends on the situation. Dilbert: Sounds complicated.
Sunday June 22,
2014
Tags managers & supervisors, change recommendation, approval, feel ownership, feel you own me, ignorant decisions, more clear, agreement, business
Transcript
Boss: Change your recommendation to the opposite of what you wrote and send it to me for approval. Dilbert: Why do I need approval for the thing you just approved? Boss: I want you to feel some ownership. Dilbert: I already feel that you own me. Boss: I mean that I want you to feel ownership of the recommendation. Dilbert: How can I feel ownership of your ignorant decisions? Boss: By getting my approval for them. I can't be more clear. Dilbert: At least we agree on that.

