Minutes Comic Strips - Page 8
169 Results for Minutes
View 71 - 80 results for minutes comic strips. Discover the best "Minutes" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share May 08, 2009's comic on:
Topper Carol says, "My first baby weighed 12 pounds. I gave birth in the cap of a stolen backhoe." Topper says, "That's nothing!" Topper says, "I once passed a gallstone so big that it became secretary of labor in the Clinton administration." Carol says, "I find that hard to believe." Topper says, "Give me ten minutes and then check wikipedia."
Share April 12, 2009's comic on:
Man says, "I'm thinking of investing in the Dogbert hedge fund." Man says, "Can you explain how it works?" Dogbert says, "It's simple I take your money and then use math to turn it into my money while destroying the overall economy." Man says, "Is that legal?" Dogbert says, "More so than you'd think." Man says, "What's in it for me?" Dogbert says, "My inflated claims will give you false hope." Dogbert says, "That way you won't stress out until after you retire and discover you're penniless." Man says, "But I..." Bonk! Ugh! Man says, "I don't remember the last five minutes." Dogbert says, "I was telling you that my hedge fund will earn you 520% per year."
Share March 02, 2009's comic on:
Director of Marketecture Director of Marketecture says, "It is better to seem good than to be good." Being Good (overrated) Director of Marketecture says, "A misleading benchmark test can accomplish in minutes what years of good engineering can never do." Alice says, "Is it our maturity that makes that concept sound okay?" Dilbert says, "I hope so."
Share February 22, 2009's comic on:
Dogbert says, "Yikes!" Dilbert says, "Don't be frightened by my green clothing." Dilbert says, "I'll be working at home today. Thus reducing carbon emissions." Dilbert says, "My telepresence meeting will only display me from here up." Dilbert says, "By reducing the amount of material in my garment I can use less soap and water on laundry day." Dilbert says, "And the extra freedom of movement will allow me to mouse more efficiently." Dogbert says, "This has to stop. I'll be back in a few minutes." Dilbert says, "Did you use my shaver?" Dogbert says, "Yes, and I will trim myself daily until you start dressing right."
Share February 05, 2009's comic on:
Dilbert in sales Salesman says, "We had to be more creative because of the soft economy." Salesman says, "now we kill our customers and replace them with body doubles who place big orders." Customer says, "Who's the handsome new sales guy?" Salesman says, "He's you in about ten minutes."
Share December 20, 2008's comic on:
Dilbert the scapegoat The Boss says, "I need you for a meeting with my boss." The Boss says, "About five minutes, into the meeting I'm going to start punching you. With any luck, my boss will join in." Dilbert says, "Maybe that shouldn?t be called luck." The Boss says, "Okay...Skill. Whatever."
Share May 22, 2008's comic on:
Dilbert says, "I fixed your satellite dish connection and tuned your surround sound system. Now can we go on our date?" A womany says, "That was our date. In ten minutes I'm dating a guy who will replace the water filter in my refrigerator." Dilbert says, "I can do that." A woman says, "You're welcome to stay and fight him for it."
Share February 26, 2008's comic on:
Bob The esquire dinosaur Bob: I slapped your ex boss with his own suit until he agreed to rehire you. Bob: It only took ten minutes to make him agree, and another hour to make him convince ne that he liked it. Bob: How much do I owe you for all the fun? Wally: This one is pro bono.
Share February 10, 2008's comic on:
The Boss: We'll be using the Dogbert personality predictor index to judge your career potential. Then we'll leave you in the dead end job that most closely matches your lack of potential. Here's a sample question... How would other people describe you? A)Angry loner B) embezzler C) lazy Dilbert: That's not enough choices! Dogbert: Says the angry loner. The Boss: You have thirty minutes to give yourself a label that will haunt you for the rest of your life. Wally: Would you say I'm more of an unidentified hominid or an inappropriate toucher?"
Share February 08, 2008's comic on:
The Boss: My new five-year plan looks like this. Plan Dilbert: How can you have a five-year plan when you don't know what will happen in five minutes? Ted: We have this room now. The Boss: Bad timing, Shoo! Shoo!"