Need To Know Comic Strips - Page 8
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1000 Results for Need To Know
View 71 - 80 results for need to know comic strips. Discover the best "Need To Know" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday March 10,
2020
Ghosts Use Bitcoin
Tags #business, #office, #money, #die, #ghost, #password, #bitcoin, #clothes
Transcript
boss drinking coffee: they say you can't take your money with you when you die. but does that include bitcoin? because even a ghost can remember a password. dilbert: why would a ghost need money? boss: have you never noticed they all wear clothes?
Sunday March 08,
2020
Elbonian Consultant
Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #consultant, #elbonia, #people, #local, #problem, #distribution, #execute, #Opinion, #barber
Transcript
boss: i hired an elbonian consultant because we couldn't afford anyone local. dilbert: have you ever consulted in this country? elbonian consultant: no, but people are people, so i assume it isn't that different from elbonia. boss: that's enough chitchat. tell us what we should do about the problems in our distribution system. elbonian system: i recommend executing one of your distributors as a warning to the others. boss: i'm going to need a second opinion. elbonian consultant: my second opinion is that your barber must hate your guts.
Sunday March 01,
2020
Ted Can't Make It
Tags #business, #co-workers, #meeting, #project, #absence, #technology
Transcript
dilbert: ted says he can't make it to the meeting. wally: the only reason for this meeting is so ted can tell us what he's doing on his project. dilbert: we should reschedule. boss: not so fast. i think we can salvage this. if we guess what ted might have told us, that gets us halfway there. dilbert: i don't think it does. boss: we can't know until we try. dilbert: why don't the rest of us leave, and you can stay here and guess what we would have said, too. boss thinking alone at table: ...and then dilbert would have said...
Friday February 28,
2020
Purchasing Department
Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #purchasing, #vendor, #market, #quote, #coffee
Transcript
Purchasing Manager Bob: you need there vendor quotes, or i can't approve it. dilbert: there are only two vendors in that market. bob: come back when something changes.
Monday February 24,
2020
Work Harder Than Others
Tags #motivation, #business, #employees, #managers, #work, #success
Transcript
boss: the only way to succeed in this company is by working harder than everyone else. alice: wouldn't that mean only one person in the company can be successful? boss: i might need to rethink my motivational messages. dilbert: maybe save those for your dumber employees.
Sunday February 23,
2020
Reading Faces
Tags #business, #meeting, #corrupt, #communists, #technology, #proposal, #reading faces
Transcript
co-worker: i can't support this project because you're all a bunch of corrupt, godless communists. dilbert: just out of curiosity, where did you get your education? co-worker: i learned everything i need to know on social media. dilbert: how does that help you evaluate a technical proposal? co-worker: it's simple. i take one look at all of your faces, and i know everything i need to know. co-worker looking at wally: i mean, look at this guy's face. he's obviously a grifter. wally: lucky guess. co-worker looking at alice: this one obviously has anger issues. dilbert: i demand a larger sample size! co-worker: whatever geek face.
Saturday February 22,
2020
Self Actualization
Tags #employees, #managers & supervisors, #business, #work, #talk, #listen, #self-actualized
Transcript
dilbert: i work every day, and yet i am not feeling completely self-actualized. boss: what's that mean? dilbert: i don't know. it's something i heard. boss: why are we even talking about it? dilbert: because the more i talk, the less i have to listen to you.
Wednesday February 19,
2020
Alice And Blockchain
Tags #business, #technology, #project, #learn, #skills
Transcript
alice: i'd like to help on the blockchain project to build my skills in that area. boss: i don't like it when people learn new things. alice: i don't know what to say to that. boss: oh, good. it worked.
Thursday February 13,
2020
Price Gouging
Tags #business, #network, #idiot, #price, #gouging, #upgrade
Transcript
vendor: now that the network installation is half-done, i have you idiots right where i want you. it's too late for you to get a new vendor, so i'll be price-gouging you on upgrades you didn't even know you would need. dilbert: why are you telling us???? vendor: it makes it more fun for me.
Monday February 10,
2020
Tags #business, #conversation, #excellent, #hardware, #network, #price, #record, #reliability, #warranty
Transcript
dilbert: the new hardware you bought isn't compatible with our network. boss: i know, but the price was excellent, and they have a great reliability record. dilbert: i don't even know what conversation i'm in right now. boss: the extended warranty is second to none.