Never Born Comic Strips - Page 8

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645 Results for Never Born

View 71 - 80 results for never born comic strips. Discover the best "Never Born" comics from Dilbert.com.

Contractor Wants To Be Employee

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Contractor Wants To Be Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiation, #contract work, #contractor, #pay.wages

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Man: I've been a contractor here for over a year. Maybe you should just hire me. Boss: Who are you? I didn't even know I was paying you. Man: Perhaps we can pretend this conversation never happened. Boss: That feels like the best option.

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #arguing, #accusation, #social media, #technology

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Man: Why did you say we don't have a budget for our project? Dilbert: I never said that. Man: Then why did you say the project isn't feasible? Dilbert: I never said anything like that. Man: But you did say you thought it would take ten years to finish? Dilbert: I've never said anything like that. Man: Hahaha! You're in total meltdown mode now. Dilbert: I already forgot what we were talking about. Boss: How was your talk with Dilbert? Man: He's backpedaling after I totally owned him.

No Path To Victory

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No Path To Victory - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #catch-22, #laziness, #request

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Woman: Do you have a minute? Wally: Can I get back to you? Woman: If I say yes, I will never hear from you. But if I say no, I'll look like a pushy jerk. I don't see a path to victory here. Wally: Have you tried lowering your expectations?

Hard Work Is The Key To Success

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Hard Work Is The Key To Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #manager, #self-interest, #motivation

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Asok: What is the key to success? Boss: Hard work! Asok: Is it a coincidence that your advice for me corresponds to your self-interest? Boss: My other advice is never question authority.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #productivity, #progress, #project, #deception

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Asok: I finished my project! Dilbert: Shhhh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Only one of two things can come of it. Either you'll get more work or you'll get fired for not having enough work. Asok: Then how does anyone ever finish a project around here? Wally: We don't. We manipulate our boss into adding features so our projects are never complete. Asok: Is that hard to do? Dilbert: Not as hard as you might hope. Asok: How do you like the prototype so far? Boss: It needs a red button and some cooling fins.

We Are Family

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We Are Family - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #Family, #relationships, #parents, #leadership

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Boss: I think of all of you as family. Wally: That's dumb. Boss: You'll never amount to anything. Wally: Mommy?

Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team

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Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuses

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Wally: My boss gave me approval to join your project team under the condition I don't take on any extra work. Woman: The whole point of being on the project is to do extra work. Maybe I should talk to your boss. Wally: His other condition is that you never contact him.

Press Release About Hack

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Press Release About Hack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hacker, #hacking, #information, #privacy, #damage control, #apology

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Boss: Hackers got our customer data. Write a press release saying we are sorry and it will never happen again. Tina: Is any of that true? Boss: Part of it is. Tina: Which part. Boss: Hackers got our customer data.

Massive Data Breach

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Massive Data Breach - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #data, #facebook, #privacy, #apology, #statement, #big business, #lying, #damage control

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Dilbert: We had a massive data breach. Hackers got into the private data of all of our customers. Boss: No problem. We'll issue a press release that says we're sorry and it will never happen again. Dilbert: That's what we said the last three times it happened. Boss: Our strategy is to wear them down.

Show More Initiative

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Show More Initiative - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #boss, #criticism, #encouragement, #initiative, #engagement

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Boss: You fool! That web page is not designed the way I would have done it! And I never would have explained it this way! Lastly, I want you to show more initiative. Dilbert: Are you still here?