Never Born Comic Strips - Page 8

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649 Results for Never Born

View 71 - 80 results for never born comic strips. Discover the best "Never Born" comics from Dilbert.com.

Everyone Does Their Job

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Everyone Does Their Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coffee, deadline, Dilbert, fashion, jobs, negative, woman and dating

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Dilbert: We'll be ready by your deadline if everyone does their jobs in a timely fashion. Woman: How often does that happen? Dilbert: It has never happened. Woman: Then you're saying you won't be ready by the deadline. Dilbert: Why must you be so negative?

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Present Company Excluded

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Present Company Excluded - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, carol, virtual, human, organic, cheated, present, excluded, problem

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Dilbert: I just spent three days using virtual reality with no human contact whatsoever. Now every time I interact with an organic human, I feel cheated. Carol: Present company excluded? Dilbert: Here's another problem I never have in virtual reality.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags twitter, social media, tweet, communication, troll, technology

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Carol: I finally signed up for Twitter. Sending my first tweet. Uh-oh. What the??? It seems I have opened some sort of portal to Hell. Demons are streaming through the portal!!! I have never seen such horrible thoughts! Gaaaa!!! Dilbert: How was your first day on Twitter? Carol: I'm already addicted to it.

Can't Remember Wally's Project

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Can't Remember Wally's Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags language, jargon, obliviousness, bluff, managers

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Boss: I can't remember what project you're working on. Wally: I'm integrating parallel platforms for load balancing across incremental networks. Boss: Keep doing that. I can never tell when I'm having a good day.

Contractor Wants To Be Employee

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Contractor Wants To Be Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiation, contract work, contractor, pay.wages

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Man: I've been a contractor here for over a year. Maybe you should just hire me. Boss: Who are you? I didn't even know I was paying you. Man: Perhaps we can pretend this conversation never happened. Boss: That feels like the best option.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags argument, arguing, accusation, social media, technology

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Man: Why did you say we don't have a budget for our project? Dilbert: I never said that. Man: Then why did you say the project isn't feasible? Dilbert: I never said anything like that. Man: But you did say you thought it would take ten years to finish? Dilbert: I've never said anything like that. Man: Hahaha! You're in total meltdown mode now. Dilbert: I already forgot what we were talking about. Boss: How was your talk with Dilbert? Man: He's backpedaling after I totally owned him.

No Path To Victory

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No Path To Victory - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags catch-22, laziness, request

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Woman: Do you have a minute? Wally: Can I get back to you? Woman: If I say yes, I will never hear from you. But if I say no, I'll look like a pushy jerk. I don't see a path to victory here. Wally: Have you tried lowering your expectations?

Hard Work Is The Key To Success

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Hard Work Is The Key To Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, manager, self-interest, motivation

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Asok: What is the key to success? Boss: Hard work! Asok: Is it a coincidence that your advice for me corresponds to your self-interest? Boss: My other advice is never question authority.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, productivity, progress, project, deception

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Asok: I finished my project! Dilbert: Shhhh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Only one of two things can come of it. Either you'll get more work or you'll get fired for not having enough work. Asok: Then how does anyone ever finish a project around here? Wally: We don't. We manipulate our boss into adding features so our projects are never complete. Asok: Is that hard to do? Dilbert: Not as hard as you might hope. Asok: How do you like the prototype so far? Boss: It needs a red button and some cooling fins.

We Are Family

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We Are Family - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, Family, relationships, parents, leadership

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Boss: I think of all of you as family. Wally: That's dumb. Boss: You'll never amount to anything. Wally: Mommy?